


I want you

by Mastre



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Tower, F/M, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, POV Third Person, Possessive Loki, Post-Avengers (2012), Seduction, Sexual Content, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2018-06-04 11:29:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 66
Words: 75,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6656092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mastre/pseuds/Mastre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So what to do when Loki takes a very personal interest in you? And insistant only begins to describe it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Un unexpected visitor

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place some time after the first Avengers movie. Loki managed to escape before being shipped off to Asgard and he's been on the run since, doing what he wants. As usual there is minimum physical description of my OC, so feel free to read it as a Loki/Reader story if you're so inclined.

JARVIS was down again. It was not the first time. Twice last week it had happened, and once before that. She knew that Tony was going nuts trying to pinpoint the problem. Something interfered for anything between 20 and 45 minutes at a time, but there was so far no indication what might be causing the issue.

The worrisome part was that it always happened when the Avengers were away and she was alone in the tower. Yet, there was no indication of security being breeched or people trying to enter. Nothing at all besides JARVIS going blank for the time it lasted. It had to be a glitch, probably something that would be ridiculously simple once they'd figured it out.

She was annoyed at the inconvenience, but not to the point of it becoming a real problem. She'd lived without an A.I. for most of her life; there was no need to suddenly feel disabled because things were back to the old days. The days before she moved here and started honing her powers.

She turned around... and the items in her hands dropped to the floor without her even noticing. There was a man standing in the middle of the room, like he had appeared out of nowhere. He was tall and pale with long, black hair and intense eyes. The leather and armour he wore made him even more imposing than the silent, haughty impression his body language conveyed. She didn't need to consult any database to know who this was.

_Loki._

She could try to use her ability to open a portal to somewhere else, but that would take time, and he was not going to stand around and wait while she escaped. Running didn't seem to be a very realistic option either. Trying to fight him even less so.

"What do you want?" she asked instead, voice wary. A smile appeared on his face, a small, unsettling one and he didn't take his eyes of her for a second. He clearly enjoyed her reaction.  
"Why, do I need to _want_ something to come here?" he finally said with a teasing voice, eyes glittering with amusement.  
She rolled her eyes. Obviously he wanted something, or he wouldn't be here. And he had deliberately chosen a moment when the others were away. This didn't look good.  
"Maybe I want you," he said then and she lost her breath for a second.

_What?_

She would have backed away if the damn desk hadn't been behind her. He took a step in her direction, just one step, and that was more than enough.  
"You don't touch me!" she hissed instinctively, not even thinking what was the best course of action in this scenario. His smile just widened.  
"Oh, I have no intention to. This time."

_Really, you're planning to come back?_

And it hit her; the glitches. They were no glitches. He had been here before, making it impossible to detect him while he was... doing what exactly? There had been no hints of sabotage in the tower, which would have been easy enough once he'd found a way to enter undetected. What was he after?

"So what do you want this time?" she asked carefully, not taking her eyes of him.  
"Just to introduce myself, but I see you already know who I am."  
"You're kind of... infamous around here." She couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice.  
"And you have learned all about me. With great interest, I am sure."

_What is that supposed to mean?_

"If you tell me what you want I can get out of your way, and you just... do what you're here for.

This was a matter of surviving with minimum injury. He could throw people out of windows for fuck's sake. Stab them. Rip their eyeballs out. Not someone you wanted to stand between and whatever his goal was.

He only kept watching her with the same amused look on his face. Like he was enjoying to watch her squirm. Or just watch her, period.  
"I already told you what I want."

The room went still. He seemed serious, but she couldn't fathom what he wanted her for. Her powers? What use were they to him, he probably had way better resources at his fingertips. Magic, and all. And it was not like...  
"I will leave this with you," he said, putting a small item down on the edge of her desk, for a moment disturbingly close, then stepping back out of her space again. "Just a small gift."

And he was gone, vanishing into thin air. Like a damn cheshire cat, only the smile didn't linger any longer than the rest of him. She thought she felt the slightest brush of air shifting, maybe the sound of footsteps, but they were so quiet she probably imagined it. She was left alone in the empty room with the small object he'd left behind; a wrapped gift in green and gold that she first couldn't make herself touch. Then she reluctantly reached for it, picked it up and opened it.

It was a dark green stone, with black stripes swirling in intricate patterns, and right at the core something glimmered. She had held stones and crystals in her hands many times, but this felt different; almost like the stone was alive. Very, very strange. The whole encounter was beyond anything she could make sense of.

The infamous Loki of Asgard. Taking a very personal interest in her for inexplicable reasons. And leaving her with this.

She would have to tell the others about the encounter, but decided to keep the detail of the stone, the "gift", to herself for the time being. It was probably a trap of some kind, perhaps a way to spy on them, but she would keep it in her own rooms where there were no secrets to be revealed. It couldn't do any harm. Her fingers brushed over the remarkably smooth surface. It definitely felt alive. Like in ancient times, when people believed everything in nature had consciousness.


	2. New possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And he's back. With poetry.

Next time he showed up she wasn't home. Only when she returned to her rooms did she find the papernote with beautifully intricate handwriting on. The paper was unusual too, thicker and not completely white, like there were utterly thin threads of other colors weaved into it. And the words:

_Where the wind died down_  
_I found you_  
_Like the tide will turn_  
_you'll call for me_  
_Then, and only then_  
_will time come to an end_

She couldn't judge the literary value, but she was sure that noone in the tower would leave something like this for her to find. And they had all been out since before she went out anyway. Plus the note was placed at the exact same spot where Loki had put down his previous gift.There was no doubt in her mind who this came from.

_What game is he playing here? This makes no sense._

\---

She kept practicing her power, focusing on that spot between her hands that concentrated the energy and opened a rift through space. Most times it led to a place she knew, somewhere she'd been in the past, but occasionally the window opened to a completely unknown location. She almost never attempted to walk through. The portal would rarely be large enough, or last long enough, for that to be possible. Not to mention the hassle of trying to get back once it had closed.

There was one time it opened to a place in a nearby park, in walking distance even, but she still didn't manage to hold her focus long enough to go through before it closed. It was encouraging though. If she just kept practicing this would one day become a useful skill. Not to mention a fun one. Imagine what you could do with such a shortcut at your hands, and the time you'd save. It was all in the future still, but not very far away.

Later, as she was in bed for the evening, she brought out the green stone. To be safe she had put it in a drawer in her nightstand and only took it out when alone. Noone would know about it, and no potentially damaging conversations would be held near it. Just in case it was a spying device. The others would surely think that it was and take it to study, but she didn't want to give it up.

It felt so unusual, and when watching it long enough it was almost as if the black stripes began dancing around that golden shimmer inside. It didn't just feel like the stone was alive, but also looked like it. Like it had a heart. A heart like a shining, pulsing star.  
Where did he find this? she wondered. It was captivating, and she'd never seen anything quite like it.

\---

The next time she saw him she was reading, feet up on her desk, and leaning backwards in her chair. Something caught her attention, she couldn't say what it was, but she turned her head and there he was. Sitting down this time. On her couch like he had been invited (most definitely not!), leaning forward a bit, elbows on his knees. And he was watching her with great interest.

She had absolutely no idea how long he had been sitting there, it could have been anything from five seconds to half an hour, and that was very unsettling.

_What have I been doing? Picking my nose? Talking to myself? Scratching my..._

"Ever heard of privacy?" she asked bitingly. "Or just announcing yourself when you show up?"  
He looked amused.  
"I find it compelling to watch you when you are not aware of me," he answered.

_Yeah, that's what I was afraid of._

"What do you want now?" she asked, putting her book down. She was still uneasy, but not quite as much as last time. He hadn't made any actual attempt at hurting her yet.  
"I've been made aware that you found the stone quite captivating."  
Her eyes went wide.  
"How do you know that? Were you watching me in bed too?" His smile became broader and his eyes left her to look down for a moment.  
"I'm sure that would have been a pleasure, but I have not."

_If he shows up in my bedroom I'm moving out. This must be the creepiest guy in existence._

Not that moving would solve anything. If he could get into the Avengers Tower he could get in anywhere. No defences could keep him out, no prison could keep him in. She shuddered at that thought. As if he walked through walls like they were nothing. How _did_ he get in here anyway?

"I can't believe you're here only to see me," she said, trying to sound casual and confident. To gain a bit more stability, and be able to move quickly out of the way, she put her feet down on the floor.  
"Why else?" he answered simply, making a short but sweeping hand movement. "There is little here that would prove useful, or entertaining, to me." The way he said the word "entertaining"...

_Ugh! If you think I'm going to provide you with entertainment..._

"I find myself desiring company," he announced lightly. "Mortals are not particularly riveting but I presume you to be different."  
"What do you have in mind?" she asked with dark suspicion, and she knew she shouldn't ask. _She knew_ , but of course she did it anyway. She told herself she needed to stall till the others returned to the tower. Tony, Thor... anyone. Preferably Bruce, but she wasn't too picky at this point.

He delayed to answer, smugness dancing in his eyes.  
"I don't normally seek intimate company," he said. "But I believe..."  
There was noise outside the door. Footsteps. Loki cocked his head.  
"I'd better take my leave," he said calmly, stood up... and disappeared again.

A rapid knock at her door followed next.  
"Are you in there?" Tony's voice. "JARVIS is down again. Are you alright?" Before she could answer her eyes fell on the table next to the couch, and something that hadn't been there before Loki showed up. Another gift. She quickly hid it away before hurrying to the door.

The item this time was a small figurine, inlaid with gold, of a woman with a necklace and flowers in her hair. She had no idea what to make of this, but it was beautiful, there was no denying that. She kept it at her desk. If someone would ask she could always make something up about where she got it from.

_Yes, I'm a sucker for beautiful things. I can't help it._


	3. Knight in shining armour?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things get even more complicated... and cliché.

"I think your brother is trying to woo me," she said, sitting down next to Thor on the sofa. He looked at her questioningly. "He keeps showing up when I'm alone and leaving me... messages."  
"What sort of messages?" he asked gravely.  
"Just... notes and stuff." She still didn't want to specifically mention the gifts. The others would insist she give them up, and she was not willing to do that. No good reason why, she just didn't want to.

_Because they're beautiful, that's why. And... I like them. I don't care who they come from._

"He says things too. It's embarrassing," she admitted. "But he acts like he has this personal interest in me, and he's very insistant. You know him better than anyone. Is this something he would do?"  
Thor looked thoughtful for a moment.  
"It sounds like something he has done in the past, but that's a very long time ago."  
"What happened then?" she asked with interest.  
"We..." Thor looked uncomfortable. "... made fun of him for it. I don't know how it went further. We were all quite young at the time."  
"So it is a strategy he might use if he's interested in someone?"  
"I cannot say. He has changed much in later years."

_Great! So I might be the love interest of a psychopathic god with a king complex._

\--- 

He kept visiting, and bringing her things. Something that looked like a perfume bottle, beautifully shaped, but from which one sniff made her _very_ focused and clearheaded. 

_Is he trying to drug me now?_

The effect was there for a full hour, and she didn't dare open it again after that. 

A bracelet made of some kind of bone, naturally marbled and intricately carved. It felt lighter when wearing it than holding it straight in her hand, however such a thing was possible. 

She realized that she needed to be careful in displaying the gifts openly. They were too unique; they stood out among her regular items. Yet she didn't want to hide them away from her own eyes and person. She ended up wearing the bracelet when in longsleeve and keeping the stone with her, in an inside pocket. The rest she kept in places where they wouldn't draw too much attention. 

\--- 

He stood in her living room again, and now he was getting impatient.  
"Have I not given you enough?" he asked, voice rough.  
"But you can't just buy people's falling in love with you!" she exclaimed. How entitled could this man be?  
"Really?" And in moments he was standing right in front of her with her chin in a secure, and very intrusive, grip. "Then maybe I'm using the wrong strategy." 

This was the closest he'd ever been, and the first time he actually touched her too. She was overwhelmed by how tall he really was, and the scent of leather and... the iron grip he held her face in. She felt very fragile in that moment and didn't dare move. Like a mouse in the grip of a predator. There was a lot of danger behind those eyes, and the way he held her she couldn't take her own off him. Her heart beat faster and she had to use all her might not to tremble and give away how scared she was. 

"You need not be afraid of me," he said, leaning so close she could feel his breath upon her face. "Just submit to me, and I will give you everything." 

It was more than fear, she reluctantly realized. Him being so close and overpowering pervaded her with other feelings too. He radiated something, and it enwrapped her, melting away her resistance, flooding her with sensations. His lips being just inches away, his whole body... way to close.  
"Aah... so this _is_ the way." He sounded satisfied, like he'd just solved an especially hardnecked riddle. 

_No no no no no! Don't get ideas!_

She put both hands on his chest and pushed and, surprisingly, he let her go. But he was smiling now, like he finally had what he wanted and didn't care about letting her loose for the moment. 

"I believe I have gained enough of your interest," he said, "to take things a step further." 

She winced. How... just how did she end up in this situation? He had a whole planet of mortals to chose from if he leaned in that direction. Why her of all people? 

\--- 

_"Submit to me"_

That thought filled her with feelings, or a feeling specifically, that quickened her breath and increased her heartbeat. 

_Oh no, this is dangerous. Don't even go there._

She brought out the mysterious stone and pressed it to her lips, felt it's smooth surface, and closed her eyes hard. 

_Don't go there. Don't think._

\--- 

She was allowed out in the field because S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted to assess how she was holding up under stress. Even if her particular skill of opening portals wasn't perfected she had enough general training to participate in a mission. It was supposed to be a small and simple one, not even needing the full strength of the team. Thor, Tony and Steve was with her. Somehow things got out of hand, however, and suddenly two arms embraced her from behind, forcefully moving her away before a lethal weapon blast hit right where she had stood. Didn't even see it coming. And she didn't need to see those arms to know who they belonged to. 

"Loki!" came Thor's voice from somewhere to her left. "Let her go!"  
"I just saved her life, you oaf! If you bring her into battle at least have the sense to keep watch over her!" 

_Oh goodie! Now I'm the damsel in distress._

The embarrassment didn't die down after he did his usual vanishing act. Everybody had seen what happened, and it was the exclusive topic of the tower after they got back  
"What was that about?" Steve asked. Everybody looked at her. She looked at Thor for help and he answered first.  
"It appears Loki has taken an interest in her. He is courting her."  
"He's what?"  
Tony started laughing. Appearantly this was the funniest thing he'd heard all day. 

She could have sunk through the floor of embarrassment. Covering her face with her hands she wished the sofa cushion would swallow her up and hide her forever. 

_Why are you doing this to me?_


	4. Training session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody turns out to be surprisingly helpful.

She wondered how he could have known where to find her when coming to the rescue. Perhaps people had filmed the battle on their cell phones and put it on the internet. Not that she really could imagine Loki using a computer like an everyday person, but what else could the explanation be?

She went to the training area to get her mind off things. It was harder than usual to focus, but it only motivated her further. The portal she opened showed a rainy forest area that didn't look overly familiar. Maybe she could step through and disappear, just escape this whole fucked up situation and start a new life somewhere else. Somewhere where noone had heard of insensitive Avengers and smirky trickster gods and...

"You are doing quite well," came the cool, but approving voice behind her. She immediately dropped all concentration and the portal closed.  
"What the fucking hell?" She turned around and, of course, there he was. She was so close to throwing something at him; if she just had had a heavy enough object at hand... Screw the consequenses.

"You need to work on your focus, however," he said.  
She glared at him.  
"What do you want? How do you even know where to find me? Why do you keep _doing_ this?" She stopped to catch her breath. Loki just smiled at her, like he was thoroughly enjoying her outburst.  
"You should use the focus enhancer I gave you," he said, ignoring her questions.

_The perfume bottle._

"Is that what it does?"  
"You haven't tried it?" He lifted an eyebrow, looking somewhere between surprised and dissappointed.  
"I don't trust you. What if it has side effects?"  
He chuckled a little.  
"This is not one of your primitive Midgardian remedies. It's very powerful and no, there are no undesired effects."  
He moistened his lips.

_Don't do that! I don't want to see your tongue._

"You have a very valuable gift," he stated, back to business. "Do not take it lightly. Once you truly master it..." He moved closer and took hold of her arm. "...it will serve you in many ways." And he turned her away from him, putting both his hands on her upper arms, and directed her towards the open area.  
"Do try again!"

_And how am I supposed to concentrate now?_

But she did as he said, not even trying to explain to herself why. This was just too bizzare to analyse right now.

It worked better than before, but only slightly. He had her trying over and over again till she tasted sweat on her upper lip and her back was aching from standing still too long. There was a barely noticable improvement in her ability to hold the portal, and it was consistant. She was no longer all over the place.  
"I sense you being tired," he admitted. "You will need to work on your endurance as well." 

He remained quiet for a minute. She resisted the urge to lean back against his chest.  
"Practicing is the only thing that will take you there," he added, with a softer voice. "And use the enhancer. Once you master your skill you will not need artificial remedies anymore."  
"Thank you," she found it appropriate to say. He didn't acknowledge that he heard, but his hands lingered for another while on her arms before moving away. And when she turned around he was gone.

\--- 

Fury was not happy. Neither was anyone else. It was like she carried a big red stamp of "COMPROMISED" all over her face. And she had done nothing to deserve this. Well, apart from keeping the gifts, but nobody knew about that. And apart from actually taking advice from Loki when practicing her power, but nobody was supposed to know about that either. She was keeping way too many secrets nowadays. 

"You were supposed to be an asset to this team, not fraternizing with one of it's enemies." Nick Fury's voice was uncompromising. She wanted to answer back and clarify the situation, but realized it was useless. They would not believe a word out of her mouth. That Loki would have taken an interest in her for no reason? Nooo, she must have encouraged it in some way. Probably _she_ was the one seeking _him_ out. Damn patriarchal society. It's always the woman's fault. 

She felt kind of lonely when she took out the stone of her pocket that evening. It's core glimmered as always, like a solar system in miniature, dark skies circling around it's star. It was uncomfortable to be thrown from prodigy to mistrusted. She remembered being able to open tiny portals between her hands as a child, and the adults' negative reaction to it.

_"Don't do that. It's not normal. Do you see anyone else doing things like that?"_

_Keep it down. Keep it hidden. Be normal._

_Be normal._


	5. Something of her own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you have an attitude problem and others call you out.

So... no more field missions until this problem was sorted out. If they couldn't trust her they couldn't work with her. They also tried to heighten the security so Loki couldn't slip into the tower, but obviously he found a way around that. Tony said he probably had fun sneaking past all the elaborate traps and defences, the bastard.

That turned out to be true. He admitted as much when he showed up again. She came out of the bathroom with the toothbrush still in her mouth when she caught the now familiar sight of Loki standing by the window. She was getting so used to him popping in that fear started taking a backseat to other feelings. Mainly annoyance.

"How do you even get in here?" she asked curiously, rudely continuing to brush her teeth after talking. If he didn't respect her privacy she didn't see a need to behave appropriately.  
"Your defences are rudimentary at best. It's quite amusing to circumvent such petty attempts at stopping me."

Rudimentary and petty. She would make sure to mention those words to Tony next time she saw him.

"So I'm like the princess locked in a tower and you're trying to..."  
No, this was just getting too ridiculous. She switched subjects:  
"I appreciate that you saved my life and helped me with training, but you also got me in a lot of trouble." He made a face bordering on disgust.  
"You're wasting your time with those fools. They will only use you."  
"And you will not?" That was almost too easy. He turned fully towards her.  
"I would not! Is that what you believe? Is that why you keep resisting me?"

_Oy! That was a sensitive toe I stepped on._

"I don't know what to believe. You come in here with this whole attitude, like you're somehow entitled to me and my life, and you expect me to 'submit' to you?"  
"You should be happy to submit to me."  
"There!" she shouted in exasperation. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. That attitude."  
Loki kept looking at her with a slightly confused look on his face.

_Gah! And Thor always claims this guy's intelligent. He's seriously lacking in some areas._

She went back to the bathroom with her toothbrush, then took a deep breath and collected herself before returning. Loki stood by her desk, tapping his fingers against some papers . His cheekbones were very high, very defined. There was a certain beauty to his face when he didn't go out of his way to be creepy and intimidating.

"I see you're wearing the bracelet," he said. She looked at her wrist. Right, she had forgotten about that. Now of course he would think she was accepting his advances.  
"Well, I like beautiful things. It doesn't mean..."  
"It will protect you," he said without letting her finish.  
"Against what?"  
"Magic. Ill willed attempts at your person."  
"I thought you used magic." He looked impatient.  
"It is not _my_ magic you need protection from. There are others."  
"Right..."

Magic was not exactly a part of her world, but neither had people with supernatural powers been until recently. Who knew what she might run into if she stuck around here. And now two of his gifts had turned out to have practical uses. It made her wonder about the others.

\---

She reluctantly entered the lounge and Tony didn't waste any time being an ass:  
"Did Reindeer Games ask you on a date yet?  
"Ha ha. Shut up!"

She avoided the others and sat next to Thor. He was the only one having anything resembling sympathy for her situation. Of course he had dealt with Loki all his life; how could he feel anything but sympathy?

Steve looked uneasy.  
"We're in a meeting, so technically you shouldn't be here."

_Of course! I'm not to be trusted._

She made a move to get up again, tears of resentment right behind her eyes, when Thor's hand stopped her.  
"We will take a break. There is no urgent need to continue." The others agreed with hesitation and they talked leisurely about other things than missions and plans. She didn't feel them relax though. The shadow of Loki's interest in her was hanging over them and no amount of smalltalk could take their minds of it. Yet noone was ready to bring it up and discuss it openly either. It was the proverbial elephant in the room. 

Eventually she left of her own initiative, feeling empty and restless.

She headed for the training area but changed her mind and went around her own rooms first to take a sniff at the focus enhancer, as Loki had called it. Then she went to create portals with cold, full-hearted concentration till she was so exhausted she went sitting on the floor, just staring ahead of herself. They may not want her as a part of their team, but she would master her power for her own sake, for whatever use it might be to her in the future. And for having something of her own to be proud of.


	6. Injured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you care... or do you just don't want to explain the body in your living room?

Now she dreamt about him too, and woke up not remembering any details.

_Of course, he fucked up my life, why wouldn't he mess with my sleep as well?_

She was actually glad not to remember, just in case there was anything disturbing in there.

Putting on loose clothes she went to do some physical exercise, then opened a couple of portals just for the heck of it. She was spending more and more time honing her skill, usually several hours per day. Loki was right, however she disliked admitting any such thing in relation to him; practicing did work. She was indeed getting better.

Back in her own rooms she was about to throw herself on the couch only to find it already occupied. Loki was half lying on it, looking... dishevelled. He also had a bruise on his face that didn't look pretty.

"What happened to you?" she asked, never having seen him in such a state before. He was always so composed when he came to visit her. Or pester her, rather.

"Your _friends_..." He spit out the word with utter contempt. "...thought they had me cornered and attempted to apprehend me."   
"Sorry about that," she shrugged apologetically. "...but it's kind of their job, you know." He growled in response, then looked up at her where she stood:  
"I had expected to see you with them."  
"I'm grounded," she explained. "They think we're in cahoots now. Do you need some ice for that?" she offered, indicating his face. He took on a disdainful look.  
"It will heal." He winced when trying to sit up better, and she wondered what else they had hit him with. It took considerable firepower to hurt Loki, but the Avengers knew that and wouldn't go after him unless prepared. She speculated they might have let the Hulk loose, but thought it better not to ask.  
"Do you really think this is the best place to be?" she asked instead. "Considering this is where they return to after every fight."  
"I've cast an illusion over this floor," he replied. "As far as they will know it is empty."

Well, that was a little more targeted than just shutting down JARVIS all over the Tower. And less conspicuous. He wasn't taking any risks this time. Except for the very obvious risk of _coming here in the first place._

She shook her head, not sure she wanted to hear the answer to why. She doubted he would let her take care of him, and it wasn't likely to be needed anyway. What she understood of Asgardian physiology they had a remarkable healing capacity. Even if he had bruised ribs, as the look on his face seemed to suggest, there was nothing she could do but wait till he healed by himself. Men!

_"Im not going to let you help me, but I will stay in your company and let you know just how much pain I'm in."_

She brought him a water bottle and a blanket. Then she tried to ignore him. It only hit her much later that the responsible thing to do would have been to contact the others and have them try to pick him up. Somehow that never crossed her mind.

He stayed quiet for almost two hours, and she more or less assumed he was trying to sleep so she let him be. Then she realised she couldn't hear his breathing anymore. Slightly worried she bent over the couch to check. He was lying a little too still for her comfort.

_Please, don't die on me! That's just not gonna work out for anyone._

No, he was definitely not breathing. And no, she was not doing mouth-to-mouth unless she absolutely had to. She put two fingers on his neck, increasingly nervous. Then she saw the tiniest hint of a smirk around his mouth.  
"You ass! What's wrong with you?" She whipped her hand back but not fast enough before he had caught it and kept it in an iron grip. The smirk spread into a grin of infuriating amusement as he opened his eyes.  
"I knew you cared," he said with a deliciously velvet voice. Goddammit, if her hand hadn't been trapped she would have slapped him so hard he'd feel it till the next millenium.   
"Just let go of me!"  
"Oh, you are dashing when you're angry." He used his grip on her hand to pull her closer, rubbing his thumb against the inside of her wrist.   
She looked right into his green eyes. Very green. Very captivating.  
"Let. Go. Of. Me!" She used her other hand to pinch him, completely forgetting who it was she was dealing with. Loki didn't even flinch. He was truly enjoying himself and caught her other wrist as well.  
"Now, imagine how much fun we would have once you accept me."  
"Imagine how much fun I will have when I kick your ass down the stairs."   
He laughed at that.  
"Such fire. How you can stand those witless companions of yours I cannot comprehend."  
"Comprehend this!" She tried to stab an elbow into his abdomen. Unfortunately he stopped the attempt with minimum effort and it left her hanging in an even worse position than before, folded over the backrest and all but lying on top of him. She was also breathing heavily.

_If somebody walks in now I'll have some explaining to do._

That sobered her up. Not Loki however. He had way too much fun. It struck her that this was a side of him she'd never seen during the previous weeks, and certainly never heard about either. Next she realised that he was rubbing her arms with his thumbs again, all while lifting his eyebrows suggestively at her.  
"No, just no!" Reluctantly he let her arms go (wow, that was easy) and stretched out in his full length on the couch before standing up. Whether he'd healed completely was doubtful, the bruise was still there, but he didn't move quite so gingerly as before.  
"As much as it pains me it will not be safe to remain any longer," he stated. "For either of us. I will take my leave." And he gave her a wink before disappearing.

"I hate that man," she thought while picking up the half empty bottle. "Next time I'll just pour the water over him."


	7. Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you let things happen that really shouldn't happen.

She made her way to the kitchen on her floor in the early morning hours, dressed in a long robe, and hoping to find something to snack on. Trying to sleep was meaningless; too many thoughts assaulted her mind. There was just too much stress in her life nowadays, and it felt like she could do little to take control of it.

It was not like she had lost any friendships over this; she hadn't had time to develop any deeper relationships with people before it all started. Yet it hurt to be viewed with suspicion and separated whenever the others were planning or going on missions. It touched on experiences from younger years that she'd rather not be reminded of. Once different, always different. 

She had thought she'd found a place where her gift would finally be appreciated instead of shunned, but that seemed to matter little now. In a way Loki was right; they did want to use her, but she had been okay with that. For the common good and all that. She hadn't really questioned where it would take her, or how she felt about it. It was supposedly the right thing to do, that's all. She hadn't foreseen that things would become so complicated.

On her way back to her rooms she had a strange feeling of being followed but shook it off. Sleep deprivation. Then she went through her door and began to close it... and Loki appeared right beside her.  
"SHIT! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" He just smiled his usual little smirk, not sorry in the least.  
"I sensed you were in distress," he said, looking more serious.  
"How would you know about that?" she asked, frowning. Few things this man did would surprise her anymore, but his way of keeping tabs on her was still a mystery.  
"You have been deeply troubled for hours," he insisted. "What happened?"  
"Nothing happened." She found his physical presence a little too close for comfort and tried to edge away from it. "I'm just worried about things."  
"About them being suspicous of you," he concluded, more as a statement than a question.  
"Among other things. You brought me into this mess, you know." He leaned closer.  
"Perhaps I can get you out of it." He was way into her space and she was uncomfortably aware that she was wearing a robe with very little under it. At the same time...  
"I don't think so." Then it hit her, what she should have realized earlier. "It's the stone, isn't it? You're using it to keep track of me."  
"It is," he confirmed, still not moving away. "When you handle it I can sense your feelings, and I can also use it to trace your whereabouts."

This was when she should be angry. All these times she'd been holding the stone, almost like a meditation tool, while going over things in her mind. Feeling sadness, frustration, even lust.

_Oh my god._

He would have sensed everything.

"Only feelings? Not thoughts?"  
"Not thoughts," he confirmed. "But they can on occasion be infered from feelings."

_Of course they can._

He leaned in further, not actually touching her but his face was right next to hers with his breath fluttering against her ear. With the wall behind her back there was really nowhere to escape. And then he put a hand on the wall next to her, either for support or for keeping her from moving away, she couldn't tell.  
"I can soothe your worries," he said, so quietly she would not have heard it had he not been so outrageously close. A slight quiver went through her at that. She couldn't get out the words to reply. His lips touched her cheekbone and they were remarkably soft. She didn't know what she would have expected, but there was really nothing soft about this man's appearance. He was all harsh and fierce and haughty. Even his facial features had an unforgiving sharpness to them. She was trying to remember all the malicious things he had done but they were all fading into the background where the details became difficult to grasp.

She did remember him laughing and teasing her though.

He slowly moved his lips along her cheek, the silken touch creating sensations on her skin. So close. He reached her mouth, and touched it with his own. And that was when her knees gave out.

Embarrassingly she had to grab hold of him to not lose her balance. This was hard to live down. He didn't seize the opportunity to make fun of her however, and that she should probably be grateful for.

He steadied her with a hand on her back when kissing her. His eyes were barely open; she caught a glimpse of green under dark eyelashes as he urged her lips to part and she complied. His tounge; soft and hard at the same time, sweet-tasting and surprisingly cool. He pressed his body into hers and she held on to his hip and waist where her hands had grabbed when trying to support herself. There was need and longing in his movements and if she'd ever doubted whether his intentions were real... Her heart rate picked up just like her breathing, fingers digging into the leather covering his hips as his mouth was all over hers... 

He finally tore himself away.  
"I cannot stay," he said with effort, eyes dark. "I cannot. I will be back." And he was gone.

It was five in the morning. The tower was beginning to wake.


	8. Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're not sure whether you're relieved or annoyingly impatient.

Now she felt guilty too. She had actually allowed this to happen. Fury would have a fit. She was almost tempted to tell, just to see his reaction. Maybe his eye would finally pop out of it's socket.

_"I was making out with your runaway supervillain while everybody else were sleeping under the same roof."_

And she had liked it too. Seriously, had she been deprived of intimate company so long that it came down to this? Just how long had Loki gone without, she wondered. He supposedly didn't even care for "mortals". Must be some serious desperation there.

It was hard to focus on anything. Whatever she tried to do her thoughts started wandering in other directions.  
She wondered briefly if she should go play with herself just to get all those pesky feelings out of her system, but somehow she didn't think it would work. Better do something else entirely. Originally she had planned to go into town today, and that seemed like a decent option still. It would get her out of here and, hopefully, out of her own head.

Unfortunately her primary errand was going to have the green stone fitted into a necklace. Now she wasn't so sure. If he really could pick up her feelings through it... wearing it all the time may not be so appealing anymore.  
Eventually she decided to have it done anyway. She could always take it off when wanting privacy.

Some shopping and a pastry later she returned home in a much lighter mood. She had almost forgotten what it was like to have a normal day; just enjoying herself like a regular person. No superheroes, no special abilities, no visitations from annoying, flirtatious gods. Flirtatious, _horny_ gods. She kept avoiding the biggest issue.

_What do I do when he comes back?_

\---

Once the stone was in it's fitting she didn't dare wearing it. Suddenly it felt way too intimate. She carried it around in her pocket like before, chain attached. Probably should have put it back in the drawer, but that didn't feel right either.

_What am I doing? It's Loki we're talking about! How could I let him this close?_

How indeed? She tried to figure out how everything had led up to this. How he somehow had managed to worm his way into her heart. And into her pants. Better not think about that. He wasn't there yet.

\---

It took longer than usual before he showed up again. Maybe he finally had decided that the risks were too great. Maybe he had lost interest.

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that!_

Or maybe he was preparing another world invasion. Anything was possible. It gave her a respite which she sorely needed considering her mixed feelings. 

The others started including her again. Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. were still on their guard, which made sense, but the people who spent their time in the tower were more flexible. Though she couldn't officially participate in missions they didn't mind training with her or discussing how her ability could be used in the field. Tony of course couldn't stop making jokes about her situation, but he was inappropriate by default; you couldn't really expect anything else. He was also assuring her that he was working on better ways to keep Loki out of the building.

_Right... let's keep Loki out of the building.That's what everybody wants, right? Everybody including me_

And as time passed she was growing increasingly restless and agitated. She snapped at people, had trouble with training despite the focus enhancer, and became slightly paranoid about potential magical threats. He wouldn't have given her protection against magic unless there wasn't an actual threat, right? Unless there _were_ villains out there who used magic as a weapon. How many could there be? How likely was she to encounter them?

She didn't know the extent of Loki's powers, but if one magic wielder could find his way into the tower what was to say that others couldn't? She was sure by now that that was the explanation to all his succesful invasions of her living space. Tony had been fighting a loosing battle from the start, and that wouldn't have been the case had it all been a matter of technology.

Speaking of the devil, when she came back after a training session she found Loki standing in her living room like he'd never been gone, looking his usual dark and menacing self.  
"Where have you been?" she blurted out and immediately cursed herself. Could you be more obvious? He smiled and took a few strides towards her.  
"I have missed you too," he said with a voice like honey and, without warning, wrapped an arm around her back. Her hands instinctively flew up to his chest, ready to hold him off.  
"Stop! What are you doing?"  
"Well, picking up where we left off, of course."

_Just like that?_

He was smiling even wider when looking down on her and there was a definite glimpse of mischief in his eyes. The fucking bastard enjoyed making her uncomfortable; no doubt he knew about the whole conflicting emotions thing she had going on, and he loved being the cause of it.  
"You really are a menace, do you know that?" He didn't let go of her, _or_ of that self-indulgent smile.  
"So I've been told." He seemed shamelessly proud of it. "Now... I deeply regret having left you for so long. That was not my intent, and I would have preferred not to."  
"So why did you?"

_Oh Jeez! Why do I even bother to open my mouth when I only say embarrassing things?_

"It was not safe to return until now. Last time I was a bit careless, as I was concerned about your wellbeing."  
"You? Concerned about my wellbeing?" She almost huffed of indignation. "You expect me to believe that?" He cocked his head.  
"Why would you not? Did I not rescue you from danger when your dull companions couldn't be bothered?"  
"That's one thing, but I highly doubt you care about my _emotional_ wellfare. You're the whole cause of my problem, remember?"  
"Ah yes. You have some conflicting feelings about me, have you not?"

_Spot on. Keep rubbing it in._

"I mean the fact that they're suspicious of me. Don't flatter yourself!" She raised her voice without really intending to, self control be damned.  
She was not the least bit afraid of him anymore. He was only a pest. A very attractive pest, but still a hopelessly annoying, invasive pest. With no respect for boundaries whatsoever.

His other hand went up around the back of her neck, threading long fingers through her hair.  
"You are simply delightful when agitated; there is a spark in your eye that makes me wonder... Are you truly just a mortal, darling?"

_Say what?_

"I'm pretty sure of that," she said sarcastically. "I have my father's nose and my mother's... What are you even talking about?"  
He refrained from answering, just kept playing with her hair and touching his fingertips to the sensitive skin of her neck. She managed to keep from showing how it affected her, but her self-control wouldn't last if he kept this up. Especially considering she was in his arms already, and itching to put her hands on his waist, or just about anywhere on his body really.

This was a truly compromising situation.


	9. Giving in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the time comes to decide what you want...

She wasn't sure how they ended up on the couch. Things started going downhill once he touched his lips to her temple and she decided;

_Screw it!_

and simply embraced him. He had run his lips and nose over her skin in a carressing motion, eyes closed like absorbed in the feeling, savouring the touch, and she had totally enjoyed it.

She should have pulled away. She just really didn't _want_ to. Dammit! This was Loki, she had tried to remind herself, running a list in her mind of Every Bad Thing he'd ever done (that she knew of). It didn't help. Not one bit. 

So she had given in.

It was not like she had to fall in love or anything, that would probably be unwise, but there was little harm in enjoying the moment, she tried to tell herself. So that was exactly what she was doing. Enjoying the moment on the couch, under a demi-god who was nr. 1 on S.H.I.E.L.D.s most wanted list and an enemy of every Avenger residing in the tower.

It could have been worse. At least she kept her pants on.

It was just so damn _comfortable_ in his arms, almost like she belonged there. It was more than lust, though that was a big part of it. It was... just such a pleasant feeling. And it shouldn't be. There was no sensible reason why she'd feel that way.

_He's doing something to me. Some kind of spell to make me trust him._

Yet she doubted it. If she was truly, genuinely honest this all came from somewhere inside herself. A longing for something she hadn't recognized in a long time. Closeness with the right person. Except this person was as wrong as he could possibly be.

He licked the inside of her lip. A hand slithered in under her lower back, stroking bare skin. His weight was on her, his legs between hers, pressing against her inner thighs. Even with clothes on did it feel deliciously sinful.  
"You will know how much pleasure I can give you once you submit to me," he mumbled against her mouth.  
"I'm not submitting. I'm only doing what I want to."  
"Are you sure of that, darling?" he smiled wickedly as the hand slid down to palm her backside, pushing her up against him. "This is what you want?"

There was sudden noise outside her rooms. Loki cursed and scrambled to his feet. Apart from some heavy breathing he looked in full control, like a predator ready to strike. She sat up and he placed a warning hand on her shoulder, as they both listened intently. Then the knock came. She looked at him but his face was unreadable. She stood and he didn't hold her back.

Before opening the door she remembered to smooth out her hair and clothes, and hoped her face wouldn't betray her.  
"Yes?" It was Steve outside.  
"I just wanted to tell you I'm back now, so you're not alone in case... there is anything." He looked at her curiously. "Are you alright?"  
"Yes!" she said a little too loud. "I was just... taking a nap. Haven't slept so well lately." He nodded in understanding.  
"I get it, I do. Maybe that last thing Tony did took care of the problem, so you can relax a little. Loki doesn't seem to get in here anymore."

_Oh, if you only knew where he is right now..._

Once she closed the door she waited for Steve's steps to disappear before moving, then returned to the living room. Loki stood where she'd left him, like he hadn't moved at all.  
"He's gone," she assured. "I really didn't think anyone would be back so soon." 

_What am I making excuses for? It's not like I invited him in._

He kept watching her without saying anything and it made her uneasy. Then, finally, he strode up to her and stopped only when close enough to run a finger down her neck.  
"You could have betrayed me," he said in a neutral tone. "Why didn't you?"  
"Are you serious?" she burst out. "I'm just gonna turn around and betray you after... after..." She gestured towards the couch, not finding the words to describe what they'd been doing.  
"If you were truly loyal to those fools you would have."  
"I'm not loyal to anyone. I'm just trying to..." She wanted to threw her hands in the air but there wasn't space. "I don't know, I'm just trying to navigate through this mess somehow."

He circled her, stopped behind her back and put his hands on her waist. It was like every time he touched her it elicited a deep, sensual agitation. She wanted him. No point in denying it now. This was her last chance to stop things from going further and she knew she was not going to take it.

His hands moved slowly up and down in a caressing motion. He stood so close she could feel his chest touching her back.  
"I grow weary of being alone," he confessed quietly. "I believe you know what that is like."  
"Well, I..." She wasn't sure what to say. How do you summarize a whole life of being singled out, being different, in just a few words?  
"You really believe you will find what you seek among those precious Avengers of yours?" he said coldly. "You think you mean anything to them beyond how they can exploit your power?" His hands came to rest on her hips.  
"It doesn't matter as long as I can use my powers for something," she said, getting irritated. "And why should I think that you are any different? You don't have a reputation of befriending people for no reason."  
"It's not your powers I'm interested in. I'm sure I would find them useful in the right moment, but that is not why I chose you."  
"So why? I'm dying to know." He leaned in over her shoulder, speaking in a low, yet solid, voice:  
"What I want from you is something else entirely. I want your support, your devotion. I want you to be that which I seek when I grow tired of being alone."

And there it was. The deep, fundamental need of having someone to turn to. He sounded sincere, though he was, as she understood, a master of lies and deceit. And he would use any means to get what he wanted.

_"You will know how much pleasure I can give you once you submit to me."_

She closed her eyes, trying to think.  
"You want me to love you."  
"If that's what it takes."  
"What makes you think..." She put her hands on his, not sure how to handle this. It went beyond anything she'd ever dealt with. "What makes you think I'm the right person to give you what you want?"

_Offering gifts and pleasure for support and devotion. Like it's a trade, a bargain you can strike._

"I've been watching you. You are not like the others in this realm. And I want you."


	10. Taking control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will we perhaps _not_ be interrupted this time? Music suggestion: Sorcerer - Marilyn Martin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. My home life lately has not been compatible with writing the kind of things you'll find in this chapter.

Steve appearantly told the others she had sleeping problems, and now everyone was sympathetic. One would think sleep issues were a prerequisite to becoming an avenger since they all seemed to have them. Except Thor perhaps, but he was back in Asgard so she couldn't ask him. Appearently their broken interstellar bridge was repaired and he could travel normally again, so he had returned home with the tesseract and, no doubt, to report on his wayward brother as well.

This reminded her that Loki was technically an alien from a place out of mythology, but that... was the least of her problems. 

She had made a choice. She was no longer a victim of circumstance, but an active participant. If the situation had been complicated before it was nothing compared to the balancing act she would be performing from now on. Not letting anyone know that Loki was still slipping into the tower. Not letting anyone know that she was... intimate with him. Holy shit, this wasn't fraternizing; it was flat out treason.

Fury would have her imprisoned and interrogated for aiding and abetting. The others... she had honestly no idea what they would do, or think. Hopefully she would never have to find out.

Loki had left soon after Steve's interruption, but he was not likely to stay away for long, and she needed to think carefully of how to handle this new development.

\---

Training was at least going well. She was actually surprised when realizing how far she'd come. Not only could she create a portal large enough to walk through, she was also starting to develop an ability to aim it . The rift in space would no longer open to totally random places, but she could, some of the time, choose where it would lead. That was going to be very useful once she mastered it.

She had to admit, without Loki's focus enhancer it might not have been possible. It took extreme alertness to distinguish the subtle differences in her thoughts and feelings in order to identify exactly what she needed to do. It made up for a little bit of all the trouble he'd caused her. Not that she was going to tell him. 

\---

He was in her bed. Loki was _lying on her bed_. Now he was just ridiculously sure of himself.  
"What are you doing here?" He put the book down that he'd been examining.  
"Waiting for you, of course." He smiled self-assuredly and placed his hands behind his head, making a purring sound as he stretched.  
"Could you at least take your fucking boots off?" she indicated towards the foot end. "I'm not going to sleep in whatever gravel and crap you drag onto my sheets."  
"My apologies, dear." He smirked and in moments his boots just... disappeared.

_Right, he can change clothes with magic. That's... practical. And a bit unnerving._

Now she was staring at his bare feet. Wellshaped, strong, bare... feet. She shook her head and looked at his face instead.  
"What am I to do with you?" That smirk got more devilish as his voice took on a silky smooth tone to match it:  
"I may have a few ideas."   
He held out a hand to her.   
"Come here, love!"  
After some hesitation she took it and, as he pulled her closer, she climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips.

_If he decides to vanish our clothes now... I swear I'll hit him whether he feels it or not._

"So cautious," he all but whispered. "Do you not trust me?"  
"Why should I? You're the epitome of untrustworthy." He moved his hand up along her arm, the other resting on her knee.  
"Only when there is reason for it, my dear." His hand gripped her elbow and pulled her towards him till their lips touched. She felt a flutter down her belly. One hand on the bed, the other on his shoulder for support as she let him kiss her softly, savouring, exploring. She closed her eyes. A small moan slipped out. The flutter became a thrilling sensation all the way through her chest.

_Loki._

Why was his name so enticing? Just because everything else about him was?

_If there is indeed a hell I'm heading straight for it._

His fingers carressed her neck, stroke her ear, tightened in her hair. She shivered and seekingly ran her lips over his, took his lower lip in her mouth. It was really long since she had had this kind of physical contact. Slow, enticing, slowly building. She had forgotten just how good it felt.

Without realizing it she had been tightening her thighs around him and he was responding to it, moving against her with obvious arousal. A shiver went down her spine, and she rubbed back while boldly deepening the kiss. It was becoming hard to breathe, her body requiring more oxygen than normal.

_I'm crazy for doing this._

He did his thing again, whatever it was, and certain cloth items disappeared, leaving their upper bodies naked against each other, and suddenly the whole situation felt so much more intimate. He moved his mouth over her jaw, onto her neck and slid moist lips back and forth, then flicked his tounge and made her gasp. She could feel him smile in satisfaction before pulling at her hair to expose more of her throat.  
"I'm the only one who can give you what you truly want," he whispered. "Do not expect to find it anywhere else."

Then he pushed her off, turned her around and lay on top of her till she was pinned down against the bed and he looked deep into her eyes. There was that dangerous intensity that made her wonder what she'd really got herself into before he bent over her shoulder and began working it over with tounge and teeth, moving on to her collarbones and further to her breasts.

Everything he was doing seemed so deliberate, so calculated. As pleasurable as it was she was still clear-headed enough to think and realize what he was trying to do. It was about establishing control; getting her exactly where he wanted her, and she was not having it. Perhaps... she could shake that control a little.

_Pleasure goes both ways._

She reached down with a hand to stroke his belly, tight with muscles, then snuck it into his pants before he could react. He gasped and halted what he was doing. She wrapped her fingers around his length and stroke softly. There was little space to move but the mere contact was enough to elicit a reaction.

_I'm not letting you turn this into a power game._

He was clearly struggling with himself; she could feel it. She used her other hand to unlace his pants and free things up a bit, then slid it in underneath to caress the roundness she felt through soft velvety skin. He clenched his teeth. In a moment the fabric around her lower body seemed to vanish; she couldn't feel it anymore.  
"Enough!" It came out softer than he probably intended and he grabbed her wrists and locked them tightly over her head, leaning over her with eyes full of darkness. "This is what you want?" And he forced her legs apart and pushed into her without further delay, without hesitation, and she gasped at the invasion. She forced herself to relax as he pressed deeper, breathing with open mouth as the physical sensation sent waves through her core. It was just on the limit of what she could take.

She closed her eyes and licked her dry lips. He wouldn't let go of her hands. No matter how she struggled he kept them in place, not showing any effort in doing so. She bent her knees, put her heels into the bed. Suddenly the insides of her thighs seemed hypersensitive as he moved between them and she lifted her hips, trying to fall into the rythm.

"Open your eyes!" She did as he requested and met his gaze, intense and dark like a night forest. "Look at me!" Voice deeper than normal he was breathing heavily, moving slowly, deliberately, straining for control. She barely noticed when the grip on her wrists disappeared, being totally focused on his face. She felt naked, vulnerable, yet couldn't look away.

Moist fingers brushed against a sensitive spot between their bodies and she whimpered in reflex. He smiled. Kept watching, kept teasing. She tightened her hands around his upper arms but couldn't do much else. Her body moved by itself and she only strived for that feeling that was becoming increasingly stronger...

She pressed herself against him, digging fingers and nails into his skin in a way that would have hurt a normal person, sucked in her breath and moaned over and over as he laughed softly in her ear, never stopped moving, just prolonging the pleasure coursing through her. She'd barely started coming down from it before he emptied himself in her, not holding off any longer, and he finally slowed his pace and grew still in her arms.

She could feel everything in that moment; his heavy breathing against her jaw, his rapid heartbeat, every centimeter of sweaty skin sticking to her own, and she didn't want to let go. She held her arms tightly wrapped around him and didn't want to let go. Stillness.

"I cannot remain much longer." Voice a sigh against her ear.  
"I know." She slipped her fingers through his hair and savoured the sensation of his cheek touching her face. "I know."

When he finally moved it was slowly and reluctantly, and though he was dressed as quickly as the clothes had been removed he took his time with everything else. Once done he pulled her up on her feet.  
"From now on you are mine," he said firmly and held her close for a moment. Then he let her go, turned around and left as quietly as always.

In the empty silence that followed she reached for the green stone in her pocket and looked at it for a minute, then slipped the chain over her neck.


	11. When you can't hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stress of the situation is increasing. The song referred to is Queen's "Don't stop me now"

She lingered in bed for quite a while, brushing the stone with her fingertips while letting her thoughts wander. Finally she got up to take a shower and leave her rooms in search of something to eat. The fridge on her floor wasn't stocked with anything she liked so she continued to the central kitchen, singing as she walked.  
"... Don't stop me now...cause I'm having a good time... Don't stop me now... Yes, I'm having a good time... I don't wanna stop at aaall..."

She stopped abruptly when discovering said kitchen filled with people. Even Natasha and Clint were there, relaxing at the table with coffee and some casually assembled snacks within reach.

_Oh-oh!_

"Now there's a happy face! Got anything to tell us?"  
"What?" She went cold.  
Tony. Of course.  
"It's none of your business!" It came out harsher than intended but she couldn't help it; she panicked.  
Tony just grinned and sipped his coffee.

Then he looked at her more closely: "Yeah, I know that look. Someone's had a date. Aren't you afraid Rock of Ages's going to get jealous?"  
"Tony..." came Steve's voice with a warning tone to it. "It's not funny. You should leave her alone."

She sighed and went to find something to eat, hiding her face so they couldn't attempt to read her. It was suddenly really tempting to spill the truth just to shut them up.  
"Ah, come on, he can't get to her anymore," Tony retorted with a dismissive gesture. " Hasn't been able to get in here in weeks. Bet he's pretty frustrated by now."

_Try two hours ago. You're lucky he doesn't sabotage your whole damn system while he's here._

She began to understand why Loki was so cocky. He came and went as he pleased and they hadn't the slightest clue he'd even been there. Child's play.

"When is Thor coming back, by the way?" Clint asked, looking less than comfortable about the current subject.  
"Who knows?" Tony said, refilling his cup. "Depends what All-daddy has to say. If he's needed for more urgent business there than here."  
"So we're on our own with Loki then?" Nobody seemed overjoyed by that idea.

She wished they would stop talking about Loki. Feeling Natashas eyes on her, she was scared to turn around in case her face would betray her. It would take so little to raise suspicion; a flinch, a shift in her tone of voice... What if they made the leap from Tony's remark and began to wonder just who she had been with? What if they asked? She would have to make something up. Yes, make up a relationship and hope noone would look deeper into it. And she really needed to find a place to meet Loki that wasn't in the tower. Somewhere... the further away the better.

_I'm not cut out for this. I'm a lousy liar and I can't hide my feelings worth a damn._

They kept talking. About their recent mission. About issues with teamwork. About some new weaponry S.H.I.E.L.D. had developed. She wasn't listening. She just wanted to finish her meal and get out of there without raising suspicion.

_Dammit, Loki! You've ruined my life._

* * *

"I'm a mess over this. I think I have to find another place to live."  
"I might have a suggestion," Loki said, running a hand seductively down her back. He was standing behind her, his other hand loosely gripping her upper arm.  
"I'm not moving in with you! Don't even think it!"  
"I'm merely offering a solution. There is a place where you'd be protected from their prying eyes, as well as any threats." He went on to caress her hips.

Somehow that sounded too good to be true. Somehow it sounded... like a trap.  
"And what kind of place is that?" she asked warily, trying to ignore the feelings his touch elicited in her so she could think.  
"It is a dwelling I sometimes use, for rest among other things." His breath brushed her ear. "It's well protected from intruders."  
"Why would you tell me where your hideout is? What if I went straight to S.H.I.E.L.D...?"  
"You've had ample opportunity to betray me if you so desired," he interrupted coolly. "Though by the nature of the wards in place around this dwelling you would have to rely on me to lift them when you want to leave or enter."

_Right! Like a prisoner. Totally dependent. No thank you!_

"Seriously! You can't expect me to go along with that?" He walked around her and smiled knowingly, cupping her face in his hand while looking her in the eye.  
"I'm presenting an option, would you ever choose to accept it. If not now, perhaps further down the line."

And that was it. No pressure, no persuasion. Just a bait waiting for her to take it. It would have been so easy. And so very dangerous. She had no intention on taking him up on that offer. Not now, not later, not ever.

"Now..." he said. "Let's not waste any more time on this!" And he took her by the arm and led her towards the bedroom, like he didn't expect any objections. "I believe you've missed me."


	12. Rough play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ways to enjoy your lover... and subdue them.

He leaned over her, kissing her with half closed eyes, nibbling at her lips. It felt like the calm before the storm.

"Fight me!" he whispered.  
"What? How am I supposed to do that, you're like ten times stronger than me." He grinned.  
"You've done it before." 

Right, when she lost her temper over that faked "dying in your living room" thing he put up.  
"And that turned you on? I don't even want to know how your mind works." He chuckled and ran his teeth along her neck.  
"Or do I need to make you angry first?" He bit down hard.  
"Ow!" Out of reflex she hit him in the ribs which hurt her hand more than him. Well, if he liked it so much she could always vent some frustration.

She shoved her palm under his chin to push him away and while he was distracted she drove her knee into his leg. It had little effect but just enough for her to get out of his grip and squirm out of the way when he reached for her, so she could aim a kick with both feet. Luckily she didn't need to worry about hurting him; the chance of that was equal to zero.

The fight lasted about two minutes before he had her face down on the bed with both her arms behind her back and immobilised by his body weight. It was not a dignified position and it reminded her exactly why he was so hard to beat. He'd barely quickened his breathing.

"Now, spread your legs!"  
"Hell no!" That was just humiliating. If he was so turned on by her agitation she had no reason to give up and make it easy for him. She may be stuck, but there was no reason to obey any commands just because of it. He smiled wickedly, indicating how very much he liked her response.  
"Do you still think you can resist me?" There was that velvet voice again, that he used when enjoying being in control. It had a sexiness to it that was hard to ignore.  
"Do you really think you can control me?" she shot back. "Make me do what you want?"  
"Oh, I will make you beg. And you will be eager to do anything I ask once I reward you."

That was oddly titillating. She was well aware that he _could_ make her do almost anything with sheer force and that was reason enough to refuse. All her defiance kicked in like an instinct and she struggled against him as he started pushing her knees apart.  
"This is not a fair fight," she panted.  
"Did I say it would be?" He was enjoying himself so much it was ridiculous. This wasn't to be the last time they played this game, that was for sure.

"You're an ass!"  
"I'm a god. Now prepare yourself, mortal, because I will have my way with you." He let go of her arms so she could support herself, and his hand kept her firmly in place as he pushed into her, not too gently. She cursed at the invasion. So he got off on power, had she really expected anything else?

He moved deeper inside with a couple of thrusts, then added his other hand to her hips, holding them tightly, occasionally letting a hand wander down to rub and stroke her thigh. Her own breathing was picking up. This was thoroughly, shamelessly exciting.

_What's wrong with me? I shouldn't enjoy being pounded by an alien villain who tried to take over my planet._

She winced as she felt a hand on her neck, pushing her down against the sheets. The new angle was almost painfully erotic, and then he moved his other hand till his fingers hit just the right spot.

She couldn't hold back the embarrasing sounds that came out of her throat, only try to muffle them against the bed, but she still had to breathe so it didn't work too well. He slowed his pace and she whimpered in protest.

_Goddammit! I will get you back for this._

He moved utterly slowly while speaking, but she could hear from the strain in his voice that it took considerable self control:  
"Beg me!" She grit her teeth. The motivation was that if she had to wait, so had he.  
"No way!" He hissed and the grip on her neck tightened.  
"Beg me!" 

She moaned in frustration, trying to push against him but wasn't allowed. His fingers were only moving in light, fluttering motions, just enough to prolong the agony. She gave in:  
"Please!" 

And he went back to the earlier pace, breathing low in his throat, and she felt the sensation building up and spreading through her core. It didn't take him many seconds to follow and dig his fingers into her hip, pushing himself as deep as he could and let out a few short shallow breaths before slowly relaxing and loosening his grip. They both stayed silent, waiting for their heartbeats to return to normal.

Then he began stroking her back with light, caring movements. Not the kind of thoughtful gentleness she would have expected, and in deep contrast from the aggressive power game just played. Yet, she couldn't find it in her to feel surprised. Somehow it felt right.

He finally dropped down beside her and pulled her close till her face was cradled against his neck and he didn't speak another word for a long, long time.

"You should think about what I said," he said eventually. "There is a place for you when you tire of this tower and it's... inhabitants. "  
"I'll think about it," she said, focused on inhaling his scent, feeling the cool touch of his skin. As much as she wanted to be close to him... there had to be another alternative. One that didn't compromise her freedom and her independence. Ironically, Loki was the one who'd made her realize just how important those things were.


	13. Disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you don't need to worry about discovery and can finally relax?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have failed a bit in conveying what's going on with my OFC, but I'm hoping it will become clearer over time. If I can figure out what went wrong I might rewrite those parts. In any case I hope you're still enjoying the story.

She was about to return to the tower after an errand when an unknown man adressed her. She was certain she'd never seen him before, and was not totally comfortable with the familiar way he looked at her.  
"Don't I know you from somewhere?" he said casually, with an undertone of wickedness. Then he smiled.  
"What the...?" Dark hair, but not that dark. White, but far from that characteristic pale skin tone she was used to seeing. The voice though...

_It can't be._

"Loki?" she almost whispered in case she was wrong, or in case someone would overhear. The man looked pleased in a most mischievous way.  
"Ah... you do recognize me."  
"Not when you look like that. How the hell did you... Is this another magic thing?"  
"It's an illusion," he explained lightly. "I can move freely this way and nobody will be the wiser. I can take any form I want. As long as it's human, that is."  
"No horses?" she couldn't resist saying. "Like in mythology?" He chuckled in amusement.  
"You mortals have such a vivid imagination. No." They kept walking while he talked, and people around were too busy to pay attention to anything being said. "I can conjure up an image of basically anything, including animals, but it wouldn't look right if I'd be projecting them on my own form."  
"You like showing off, don't you?" She was aware of the unintended fondness in her voice, but didn't care if he noticed. She was impressed, but it was also fun to see him enjoying himself this way. She wondered if people were awed by his skills in his own world, or if it was so common it was taken for granted.  
"You humans are easy to impress. You know little of the workings of magic."  
"That sounds a bit like an insult, but I'm going to let it slide since you're right."  
"Of course I am."  
"Don't push it!"

He was steering her in a certain direction and they eventually ended up in a hotel room. Safely inside he dropped the disguise and took on his natural form. It was weird to see the transformation, and he clearly enjoyed the look on her face when it happened. She felt a bit awkward about the impulse that overtook her, as she lifted a hand to his face and traced his cheekbone. When she was about to pull back he gripped her hand and held it against his mouth, pressing his lips against the soft spot under her thumb.  
After a moment it felt overwhelmingly intimate; she had to break eye contact.

"We will have a few hours alone," he said. "...without your pesky housemates barging in on us."  
"Did you plan this?" she asked, looking around. It was a place not likely to attract attention; comfortable and pleasing to stay in without being excessive. If S.H.I.E.L.D. would have their eyes on her they wouldn't have any reason to suspect Loki being involved.  
"Only since I found out you were out on your own. It seemed like an opportunity too good to waste." He pulled her close and kissed her in a way that sent warm ripples through her body. She wrapped her arms around him, savouring the closeness. It felt like time stood still; she could have kept standing like this forever. The poem he'd once left her came into her memory:

_Where the wind died down_  
_I found you_  
_Like the tide will turn_  
_you'll call for me_  
_Then, and only then_  
_will time come to an end_

Yes, it was like being in a pocket of time, between one minute and the next. Nobody would know and she could relax instead of being paranoid that people would find out what she was doing, and who she was doing it with.

* * *

He had been considerate enough to order something to eat, so they kept their clothes on till it was delivered, then enjoyed their meal in bed. 

And after that she ended up leaning over him, slowly pressing her lips to his face, his neck, his chest, caressing his arms, blowing softly on his nipples. All while he let her do it, watching silently till her mouth moved down past his navel and touched his lower abdomen, and then he sighed. Not in a content way as much as an anticipatory one, and she wondered for a moment if he was surprised when she moved further without hesitating.

He was putting his need of control on hold this time, even when she caressed his inner thighs with her lips and ran her tounge up his length. It was only after several minutes of pleasing him with her mouth that he urged her to move up and look into his eyes, so dark they were almost completely black.  
Without breaking eye contact he turned them both over, placing himself on top of her and pushed in, slowly but thoroughly, not stopping until he was entirely buried inside her. He was breathing lustfully against her jaw and whispering sweet, vicious things in her ear,and it was so arousing and so perfect she didn't want it to end.

Then he lifted his head to look at her, voice barely more than a hoarse whisper.  
"Will you love me?"  
"Yes." The word slipped out so easily, effortlessly, like there never had been any doubt to begin with.

And it looked for a moment like he was going to smile and his gaze softened. Then he withdrew the emotion and averted his eyes. She lifted her hands to pull his face down against hers, foreheads touching, his breath fluttering against her lips, his eyelashes brushing her skin.

_Yes.Yes.Yes._

* * *

As he moved his weight off her to lay on his side, he maintained an arm tightly around her waist, brow against her jawbone, nose and lips touching her neck. His breathing slowed down and she couldn't tell if he was falling asleep or merely resting. When her fingers brushed against his cheek lifting a wayward strand of hair she felt the corner of his mouth curl into a smile.

Maybe she would always have to fight him for control, but it didn't feel like a bad thing. There was something exhilarating in having to stand up for yourself over and over again; something about it that made her feel more alive, made her remember who she was once again.

_I lost myself somewhere down the line. I let other people dictate my life._

She kept running her fingers through that long, raven black hair while listening to his even breathing, and she felt unusually calm and clear-headed.

_I'm finally doing something on my own terms. It may be selfish, it may be foolish, but it feels... like coming home._

* * *

On the way home Loki pointed out that they had a tail:  
"A man is following us. There was a woman earlier, before the hotel."

She had suspected S.H.I.E.L.D. might be keeping tabs on her, yet she felt surprised when getting it confirmed. That they would waste resources on following her... Of course, it wasn't really about her; they wanted to know if she was involved with Loki as suspected, and if he would contact her. Luckily they couldn't see through illusions. They would report that she had had male company, and probably try to find out who he might be, but they would not suspect anything like what was really happening.

She would never say it out loud, but she found it a bit funny that they were so clueless, that they had the truth right in front of their eyes, yet were unable to see it. It tasted like sweet victory.

_I just might have spent too much time around Loki. This must be how he feels when he sneaks into the tower._

"Are you going to use this... look again?" she asked indicating his physical form.  
"Possibly. It depends on the situation."  
"The others suspect I have a relationship with someone. Being seen with you, like this, may be a way to keep them off track," she suggested. He remained silent for a while, pondering her words.  
"Then we will use that to our advantage," he finally stated and stopped, took her face in his hand and kissed her. They were right outside the tower. He withdrew with an impish smile that made him look uncannily similar to his real self. "I will see you at our earliest convenience."

And he was gone, melding in among the people with seemingly no effort. Soon he would change his appearance again, she assumed, to shake that S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who now undoubtedly would follow him instead of her. Much like a chameleon. She couldn't help admiring such an ability, wishing she could do the same, wondering if magic was really so out of reach for humans as he made it seem.

Maybe she'd one day find out for sure.


	14. Life goals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remembering who you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay. I've been hyperfocused on "Lost in the cold" since sunday, which left little time to finish this chapter, but now it's done. Have fun!

"With great powers come great responsibility" somebody once said.

She had thought that she owed it to people. Like she needed to prove that her ability was something valuable instead of an abomination.

_Look at all the good I can do with my powers. Have I proven myself now? Will you stop hating me?_

And somewhere... she had left herself behind, her own wishes, her own will, because they had never been compatible with the world's approval. It was a painful discovery. And It explained the discomfort she'd been feeling ever since her connection with Loki became known. The conflict wasn't a new one.

Somewhere in childhood she had decided that it was worth giving up what you are if that's what it takes for people to accept you. The choice might not have been a conscious one, but it had affected her life ever since. 

And then a certain villanous demi-god had come along and caused the whole house of cards come tumbling down, the old wounds to rip open.

And it went beyond a relationship. The cycle would repeat itself till she made a choice and stuck with it.

She would have been fine with saving the world once in a while, but not every day, not as a life goal. She needed, and _wanted_ to live her own life first. She had put it on hold for way too long. She needed her self back.

She needed to move out of the building.

* * *

"What were you doing in the tower in the first place? You were there to mess with us, weren't you?"  
Loki delayed a moment before answering:  
"As you so eloquently put it..."  
"Yeah, yeah, I don't have a sophisticated language." She made a dismissive gesture. " I was not the one raised in a castle."  
"Palace, darling. Not castle." She raised her eyebrows.  
"You're saying you're not straight out of a fairytale? I would never have guessed." Her tone was paper dry. Loki seemed unfazed.  
"As for returning to your question," he said patiently. "I was there for reconnaissance purposes. Then I saw you and you captured my interest."  
"So you forgot all about what you were there for? Somehow I find that hard to believe. You don't strike me as someone who is that easily distracted." 

He smiled slightly. Probably took it as a compliment.  
"I saw you using your powers and they... seemed beyond what a mortal should be able to wield."  
She made a grimace.  
"I always thought I was a mutant, but S.H.I.E.L.D. ran tests and they said the results were inconclusive."  
"I'm inclined to believe it's something else, but as of yet... I couldn't begin to speculate what it might be." He put a hand on her lower back as they walked. Possessive yet light.

She sighed.  
"Well, I was always a freak..." Then she thought about what he'd just said. "You've claimed it wasn't my powers you were interested in."  
"It's merely what caught my eye at first; what made me follow you. I wished to learn more."

She shuddered at the thought of being followed without knowing it. All kinds of embarrassing things she might have been doing... It had been months ago, and she couldn't remember specifics or even be sure which day it had happened. If she had had any idea that Loki was tailing here through the tower, invisible... she would have been scared shitless. Even worse than when he'd finally decided to appear in her living room.

"You're not still doing that, are you? Following me around unseen?  
He smiled.  
"Would you want me to?"  
"Absolutely not!"  
"It can be quite revealing... watching someone when they're not aware." His voice had a very _intentional_ tone that matched the glimmer in his eyes when talking.

She shook her head.  
"I'm sure it is, but just don't! If I suspect you watching me, I swear I will pick my nose till you're so appalled you won't ever want to follow me again."  
He looked slightly amused.  
"It takes more than some repulsive mortal habit to divert me." He extended his hand to lift up her chin. "You should know that."

She rolled her eyes. He rubbed his thumb over her lower lip, pushing it down to touch the moist inside. It felt sensual, seductive, and she allowed him to continue, spreading wetness over both her lips, running his thumbpad over her teeth, pushing in to slide it back and forth over her tounge. Very sensual, very... suggestive. She shivered.  
"It's unfortunate we cannot be alone right now," he said. 

They were actually in a public park, not far from the tower. She had created a portal to go there and Loki had showed up half an hour later, drawn by the stone she carried against her chest. He couldn't have been far away.

It wasn't the most efficient way to get in touch with him, but at least it evened the playing field a bit. She didn't have to sit around waiting like some teenager hoping for a prom date.

"Can't you use your illusion skills to hide us?"

_Way to go! Sound like you can't wait to have sex in a public place!_

He seemed to consider it, then reject the idea.  
Instead he pulled her into an embrace, slowly running his fingers through her hair.  
"You will have to wait," he murmured in her ear. "Take it as an... incentive to meet soon again."  
"I can wait," she smiled cheekily. "Are you sure you can?"  
"You are forgetting who it is you're talking to, mortal."  
"No, I'm not. You were the one pursuing me, remember? As I recall you were quite impatient."  
"Be careful with your words, pet. You don't want to challenge me."  
"Now you have me, you'll have to take me as I am."

His fingers trailed over her neck, coming to rest in a light grip around her throat.  
"That is exactly what I intend to do."


	15. Of lovers, present and past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinky suggestions, cautions and possessive sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure where this is going. What's come up in my writing lately seems to go more in the direction of porn than plot, and I feel like I'm channeling so it's probably Loki who's messing with me. Here is some of it to begin with; I hope you'll enjoy.

The room was quiet around them. The faint sounds of traffic coming from outside did little to disturb the peace.  
He was running his hands over her neck and shoulders and down over her upper arms, caressing her bare skin with fanned out fingers. There was something dark and focused in his eyes.  
"There are certain... pleasures I could show you, would you allow me."

_Oh-oh!_

"That's what people say when they have kinky stuff in mind," she said warily.  
"Is it now? I merely wish to teach you how to enjoy yourself."  
"That usually means something kinky. I know how it goes when guys want to experiment. The more you go along with the more they want to push it, and once you've gone along with enough they don't expect you to object to anything anymore."  
"Then they're only pursuing it out of boredom," he said with contempt. "They do not truly have a preference, or even know what it is they want. Pathetic! You are not a tool to ease their weariness."  
"Well, pathetic may well describe certain boyfriends of my past..." she admitted, feeling inappropriately pleased stating it aloud. "Are you saying that you do know what you want?"  
"I do, and I intend to show you. I believe I also know quite a bit about what your desires are."  
"Oh, do you? After such a short time?"   
He smiled.  
"I pay attention, darling. For instance,I know just how much you like using your mouth on me."

_Oh, here it comes!_

"If you're thinking what I think you're thinking I've tried that and it didn't work so well."  
"Really? And why is that, I wonder." He took her chin in his hand and gently ran a thumb over her lips, looking thoughtful. "Do you know that you need to angle your mouth like this..." he used a finger to push her jaw upwards. "... till it aligns with your throat?"

No, she hadn't known that, but as much as the thought of what he was suggesting enticed her, it was not necessarily something she was willing to try. She just needed to ignore that pesky tingling sensation which arouse whenever he used his suggestive voice. Sweet like honey and smooth as velvet. And virtually irresistable.

"Do you trust me?" he said, green eyes fixating her, finger still under her chin.  
"No. I mean yes, in this maybe, but not necessarily in everything else."  
"That may be wise." If he was offended he didn't show it. Actually her answer seemed to please him. "I chose you because you are not like the other mindless sheep in this realm. You show a will of your own."  
"And here I thought it annoyed you that i wouldn't 'submit' to you right away."

He let go of her face and took hold of her wrists instead, stroking them with his thumbs.   
"I confess I had not expected you to resist me for so long, but that only proves that I was right in my initial assessment. You are not like those fools who blindly follow the first to call them."  
"Loki, you need to learn not to underestimate my people," she said, turning serious. "It will be your downfall." 

He smiled slightly.  
"And that would pain you? If I was to be captured again, humiliated and dragged away in chains, would that bother you?"  
"Yes, it would," she admitted in full honesty. That would bother her immensely, and that alone told her she was in dangerous territory, open to have her heart broken. "It's not a joke, you need to drop that arrogance before it brings you down."  
"I highly doubt they could defeat me again." He seemed pleased and dismissive at the same time.  
"I remember a day you were on my couch, being both wounded and pissed because they had almost taken you out," she said heatedly. "Want to experience that again?"  
"Your concern about me is... endearing. Truly."

She pulled away and flung a pillow at him, which he of course caught before it hit him in the face. There was no reasoning with this man. Either he didn't listen, or he did but wouldn't show it. Probably enjoyed watching her get worked up.  
"Now, I believe it would do you well to find an outlet for that frustration," he said, getting up on his knees on the bed and reaching for her. "To return to our previous subject, I'm going to show you a small pleasure that you won't find too difficult adjusting to. Give me those wrists, darling."

* * *

There was another thing that separated Loki from her previous love interests, and that was the matter of sleep. People have their preferences and you can't judge them for doing what they need to be comfortable, but it had always been a disappointment to her when someone just turned their back and fell asleep on their own half of the bed. It certainly wasn't her preference.

Loki, however, was flat out possessive in his sleep. On the occasion they had enough time to rest a few hours he insisted on holding her tightly to his chest, with her face cradled into his neck and their legs intertwined. If he hadn't had an unusually low body temperature she might well have become overheated.

But it did feel good, delicious even. She would fall asleep to his scent, his heartbeat, and sometimes his voice, and she would feel so utterly comfortable she thought she'd never want to leave his embrace again.

He even had the consideration of nudging her out of a nightmare before it became overwhelming. It was a weird feeling of being protected and owned at the same time.

He was easy to give in to, because just as much as he was wrong in the world's eyes, he was right in so many ways that mattered. He was exactly what she wanted. What she had always wanted, to be honest, and the intensity of that truth was more than a little intimidating.

Loki had made many enemies, she concluded from the bits and pieces he told her, and he could well end up killed or captured, or having to go into hiding at any point. Not to mention the dangers she would be exposed to, were their relationship to be known.

_How did I end up in this mess? Why did I have to get involved with the most problematic man on the planet? Or even in the nine realms, from the sound of it._

Maybe because noone else came even close to making her feel this way.


	16. Trusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Physical pleasures of another realm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here comes the rest of the channeling material. Would you trust the god of mischief to do this?

Trust is this weird thing that comes when you least expect it. Sometimes it's there from the start, whether it makes sense or not. Other times it comes slowly over time. Loki didn't inspire trust, but she wasn't sure if it was because of other people's insistant reminders of his untrustworthy character, or because of his own demeanor. He always seemed to hide some part of himself, staying in control, keeping a distance emotionally. The only times he might lose his composure was in anger. She was still not quite sure what went on in the depths of his mind.

She fiddled with the green stone, caressing it's smooth surface with her fingers. Trust was giving someone else access to your emotions all the time. Yet, that seemed more and more like the easy part.

* * *

Trust was lying face down while your lover dusted featherlight powder with unknown properties over your neck and shoulders.  
"What is it, exactly?" she asked when the scent reached her nose. It had a vague resemblance to something from her childhood, she just couldn't place it. Sweet, yet ...  
"The name means little. It is something that will make your skin more sensitive to stimulation." He continued down her spine.  
"Why did I let you talk me into this?"  
"Hush, darling. You will want to save your voice for later."

_So I'm going to end up embarrassing myself? Great!_

That was actually an issue. She was becoming increasingly loud during sex and though Loki clearly enjoyed the fact she found it mortifying.

He dusted down her backside and along her legs. There was a brief tickling sensation in the places where he's already been, as the powder absorbed into the skin.  
"Could you at least tell me where you got it?"  
"In Alfheim," he informed her. "I will take you there one day, when you are ready to follow me. They have a highly developed art of the pleasures of the body."

_Really? Speaking from experience?_

She felt a surge of jealousy that didn't make sense. You couldn't expect someone who'd lived a thousand years to not have a past. And he was a little too skilled and confident in the area to not have... done things before.

She sighed, and then jumped as his lips touched down on her neck.  
"Whoa!"  
"I'm not sure how it affects a mortal," he murmured and moved his mouth along over her shoulder. "We will have to experiment to find out."  
"Not sure?" she asked in alarm.

_What am I? A guinea pig?_

"Shh!" He flicked his tounge over her skin and she let out a gasp. More sensitive to stimulation indeed. This was serious stuff.

Long, nimble fingers ran down her spine and she shuddered. His hand palmed her backside and slid in between her thighs.  
"Oh my god!"  
Loki chuckled and continued carressing her legs.  
"You should always feel free to refer to me as 'my god'."  
She groaned, tempted to throw a pillow at him, but was too overwhelmed with sensations to find it worth the bother. Didn't really want to interrupt him either.

"What... what if you put it on areas that are already sensitive?" she asked, finding it difficult to phrase herself coherently.  
"That can be too much, but used with caution you'd learn to fine tune your sensitivities and it can be quite... pleasurable."  
"Why do I get the feeling you know first hand ho...ow!... that works?"  
"I won't relay the details of that particular experience, but it taught me to be mindful of how, and where, I apply it."

She felt a silly urge to giggle, but managed to supress it. Maybe it was a side effect but this powdered substance made her giddy and light headed, like a tactile version of alcohol. Or maybe it was his hands that did it. Just like his voice they had a way of sending her belly aflutter.

"Does this stuff lower inhibitions?"  
"Only indirectly," he answered and moved up to the pillow end of the bed, gently lifting her head to rest in his lap.  
"Do you want me to...?  
"Only do what comes naturally, dear! Lie still and relax first. It might be better if you close your eyes." And with that he started stroking her shoulders with soft, caressing movements, occasionally running his fingers down her spine and back up again.

It was like having erogen zones where none had been before; she couldn't lie still even when he told her to, and she ended up moaning shamelessly into his leg. He was still wearing his pants, but from what she gathered they were becoming tighter by the minute. Yet, he seemed completely unfazed by the fact, and only kept up the methodical brushing of palms and fingers over her skin.

"Lie still!" he said again. "Or I may have to restrain you."  
That didn't make it easier at all. In her current state, being sensually massaged and using his erection as a pillow, those words were as titillating as they possibly could be.

_Yes, tie me up! Ravish me! Do what you want with me!_

Damn it! He knew exactly what he was doing. Every word, every step, was perfectly calculated.

When he finally stopped to lift her up on her knees she just complied, not even asking what he planned to do. He positioned her on his lap, her knees on each side and facing him, then vanished the last of his clothes. Slowly he let his hands run smoothly over her legs, just like he'd done with her upper body, and then slid them in under her, lifting her up like she barely carried any weight at all. And then he impaled her on his own length, slowly easing her down on himself till he was completely buried inside.

_Oh. My. God._

She slid her arms around his back, head on his shoulder, and just remained in place as he began massaging her lower half the same way he'd done with her shoulders and back. It was incredibly intimate and every little detail of the situation fed into the sensation; his chest raising and falling against hers, his hands caressing her with deliberate motions, his hardness pressing against her inner walls.

She was simply melting into it. At that moment she would have been ready to agree to anything he asked of her, anything at all.


	17. Risky behaviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes your choices takes you out of your comfort zone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should space out my chapters, but I want to post this now I have it done, so here goes: possessive Loki.

When she came home she was starving and went straight for the kitchen, passing Tony on the way.  
"Is that a new perfume you're wearing?" he asked with a frown, like he was trying to place the scent.

Oops! She had showered, but the powder was deep in her pores, it probably wouldn't diminish any time soon. Now she was like a walking pheromone. And still hypersensitive, though not even near as much as before.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, walking faster. But no, Tony was in the mood for company, appearantly. He simply turned on the heel and followed her into the kitchen.   
"I heard from Fury you'll be allowed to come along on some of our missions again."  
"Really?" That was a surprise.  
"I guess they gather since our horned god hasn't been visible for a while you can be trusted."  
"It's not funny, Tony."  
"Sure it is. Did he wear the helmet when he made his little visits on your floor? Seems like a surefire way to impress a girl."

Lord! It was easy to like Tony Stark, but it was just as easy to want to kill him. No wonder Loki had thrown him out of a window. 

"Can we change the subject, please? Anything interesting happening while I was away?"  
"Not unless you count Cap trying to figure out the blue-ray remote. That was quite funny, actually."

He poured himself a drink. Something told her it wasn't the first one for the day.  
"So, still apartment hunting, huh? Why don't you let me set you up with those people I know and you'll have your own place in no time?"  
"I can't afford that price range. Everybody's not a billionare, Tony."  
"Really?" He looked into his glass, frowning. "Are you sure?"

He seemed to ponder the subject for a while and she got to eat in peace. Then:  
"You don't have to move out, you know. You have all the comfort, the security is the best in town... there's usually someone around if you feel like company. What else could you want?"  
"I don't know, independence? Something resembling a normal life?"

_Ha! Like that's ever gonna happen._

Tony shook his head and took another sip.  
"People like us don't have normal lives."

He might well be right in that. She hadn't really been serious with that argument, mostly used it because it's what most people would say. "Dating Loki in peace" was hardly an argument she could speak out loud.

The truth was that the word normal had been tainted for her long ago, and with the recent insights she felt borderline allergic to it. Mainstream, white, cishet culture. Two children and a dog. Give up your quirks and start pretending so you fit in. Blah!

_And I'm better off with an unstable god who fucks me into the mattress?_

Oh hell yes!  
It wasn't just the sex, amazing as it was. She had grown genuinely fond of Loki, and she still wasn't sure why. He wasn't a nice person; he was possessive and arrogant and unhinged and she was bound to get in trouble one way or another for being associated with him.

Yet there was something else, something under the surface that she couldn't really put her finger on. Something that made her care. A glimpse of a real person below all that... attitude.

_"I want your support, your devotion. I want you to be that which I seek when I grow tired of being alone."_

Crazy as it seemed, that's what she wanted to be.

* * *

She had walked through the portal and come out pretty far from the tower, so she would have to take public transportation back. Or a taxi, depending on what was available. Of course if she could find a place discreet enough she would try to open another portal to take her back, but it didn't always work. For the time being she was enjoying just being outside. Or she had been, until that man approached her.

First she had thought it might be Loki in another disguise, which was why she let him get so close. That quickly turned out not to be the case. The man started following her around, insisting on her attention, and completely ignoring every sign, subtle or not, she showed of not being interested. He just wouldn't let go.

And then he grabbed her arm, rather roughly, and before she had time to put her training into practice a certain someone showed up out of nowhere and threw the man into a wall. Literally.

Loki walked up to stand over him, leaning forward slightly and hissed:  
"Don't you _ever_ touch what's mine, you pathetic little worm, or I will break every bone in you body and leave you to perish where noone will find you."

_Oy! Don't think I've seen him quite that angry before._

She was suddenly reminded of just how dangerous Loki could be, and wondered if she was going to witness a murder right then and there. Luckily the man scrambled off, white as a sheet, and Loki let him go.

He turned to her.  
"Why are you putting yourself at risk like this?"  
"I _can_ defend myself. And it's not like this is a high-crime area. I..."

He didn't let her finish. Grabbing her around the waist he pulled her along and started walking. It took a while for her to realize that he'd made them both invisible to other people's eyes. 

Only minutes later they arrived at a house that she would have missed completely if they hadn't stopped in front of it. Loki did a movement with his free hand and walked them both through the door, then proceeded to closing it and doing another gesture. Magic, she guessed.

_Lifting and restoring the wards. Oh shit, this is his place._

Loki didn't let go of his grip around her, only kept walking. She had no idea what to expect; he hadn't said a word since the incident, and his facial expression wasn't reassuring.

Entering what looked like a living room he stopped and pressed her up against the wall.  
"I will not have anybody else's hands touch you. Nor will they speak to you, nor think of you. Do you understand?"   
"And what am I supposed to do about that? What someone else is _thinking_?"  
"You don't need to do anything. You only need to _know_ this. Look at me!"  
She did so, met his eyes, green and intense as always, but with a glimpse bordering on insanity.  
"You are mine, and only mine. Yes?"  
"Yes.  
"Yes, what?"  
"Yes, Loki. I'm yours. I get it, but why...?"

He kissed her harshly. A hand around her neck, another behind her back, pressing her tightly against his body. For a short while she couldn't breathe, then he seemed to remember and loosened his grip just a tiny bit. Just enough to allow her chest and diafragm to move.

_Shit! If he ever forgets how strong he is in bed, I'll be the one ending up with broken bones._

That thought shouldn't be arousing; it should be terrifying.

The kiss was deep, invasive, and his fingers dug into her neck. Then he released her.  
"You will stay with me tonight."


	18. Submit to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the doubts are back...

"I can't stay. What if they notice I'm gone?"  
"Let them wonder. They will not find you here."  
"Loki..."  
"Enough! Come with me!"

He pulled her along again. This was getting repetitive, almost annoying.

He only stopped once they were in the bedroom and then he sat her down on the large bed, more or less gently. He remained standing in front of her, with one hand on her shoulder, the other one slowly running through her hair. He didn't say a word.

She wasn't sure how long this went on. He seemed to be lost in thoughts or something, the usual attitude put on hold. His fingers moving through her hair, and occasionally stroking her neck, had an almost hypnotic effect after a while. It was so quiet in the house, like those wards kept sound out as well as intruders. Once again that feeling of time standing still.

_I'm trapped. If he decides to not let me go..._

He finally spoke:  
"I was pleased and surprised to find you so close." His voice was mild, but not completely relaxed. There was an undertone...  
"I had no idea," she said. "I just worked with a portal and ended up here. I didn't know you were... your house was... here."  
"What didn't please me, however..." he continued like he hadn't heard. "...was to find such a deplorable creature accosting you."  
"It's not like I could help it. If you're blaming me..."  
"I am not."

Well, it sure sounded like it for a while.

"I will not tolerate such intrusions," he continued. "And I will take care of the problem in any manner I see fit."  
She shuddered at his tone of voice. Did he read her mind? Did he know how releaved she had felt that he didn't go flat out limb-ripping murder on the guy? She'd never actually seen Loki's dark side before, only heard about it, and those bits and pieces of information was surfacing with full force for the first time in weeks.

Bruce had once described Loki's mind as a bag full of cats. She was not keen on finding out just what that meant.

Suddenly he let go and, without any visible effort, simply lifted her further onto the bed, pushing her back down against the covers. He vanished his boots and moved onto the bed, knees between her legs, and lay down on top of her body, delegating some of his weight on his left arm.

He touched his lips to hers, but only briefly, then continued to move his mouth over her face, slowly, softly, in disturbing contrast to his previous words and actions. She closed her eyes but couldn't relax. Feeling tense, heart beating too fast, she wasn't sure what to think.

_Why did I allow myself to get dragged into this? I had a simple life; help saving the world, be nice and don't question anything._

Loki's lips were on hers again, nudging her mouth open. She complied, feeling a stir despite everything. It was hard not to get affected when he went into seductive mode. Whether it was the intensity or that he was very good at what he was doing she couldn't tell, but she'd guess on the former. Whatever he did it wasn't half-hearted. The emotional intensity was underlying everything.

"I love you," she said when he let go of her mouth for a moment. It didn't slip out voluntarily, she wasn't even sure why she'd said it. Maybe it was a way to assure herself, get back to that safe place she'd lost hold off.  
"But you will not trust me," he said simply, moving his mouth to the side of her neck. He flicked his tounge against her skin, sending shivers down her spine.  
"I do in some things... It's not that simple."  
"Yet it could be." He supported himself on his elbows, looking her in eye contact. "Give yourself to me completely, and you will never doubt again."  
"That's not how it works." He pressed his mouth into hers again, pushing deep. More of his weight rested against her body and she suddenly felt the touch of naked skin.

The familiar feeling of his body against hers should have helped, but it didn't.

He was taking hold of her wrists, holding them down against the bed. Strong knees pushing her legs apart.  
"You know you want this."

_This yes, but giving up everything to follow a crazy god over the nine realms is a whole different story._

Yet they couldn't continue like this forever. Sooner or later someone would find out. Loki would have to disappear. And she would be left behind. Unless...

Two of his long fingers slipped inside her, meeting little resistance. He delivered slow, lazy bites to her neck and shoulder, not painful, but hard enough to leave an impression after he moved on. She drew a shaky breath.

There would be no interruptions now. Nobody could have tracked her even if they'd tried. She had walked through the portal straight from her own living room. Loki had made them invisible during their walk to the house. The house itself was protected, however that worked. She had no doubt it was foolproof from intrusions. There was simply no way anyone would find her even if they got suspicious and started looking.

The question was; should she feel protected or frightened by that fact?

He was moving his own body against hers, skin sliding over skin, slowly, sensually, as his fingers and thumb played around with her most sensitive parts. She moved in response, unable to help herself, pushing back against his hand as a wordless way of begging for more.

His chest brushed over her nipples. She closed her eyes, taking in the closeness, the intimacy and powerlessness of the situation. He was in full control now and there was little, if anything, she could do. So why did that very thing feel so good, so delicious, so wanting to forget about everything else but him and this moment? Why did it feel like she'd never really loved anyone until Loki came along?

"You are mine," he murmured against her ear, then pushed himself inside in one deep thrust and she gasped.  
As he began to move inside her he released her hands only to bring his arms under her knees and push them upwards till she was rendered immobile and every thrust he made touched down on her sweet spot. It was the deepest he'd ever been.

"Your only concern should be me. I will make sure you remember this."

She couldn't move her hips but she could grasp at his forearms as they supported him, feeling the elongated, tight muscles that where like iron under her fingers. And being under all that control, all that strength, all that intensity, was just too much. He didn't take his eyes of her, breathing soundly with his mouth open, eyes hooded, and she helplessly let it happen, letting go of all control and just gave in to the sensation. 

_So deep oh god oh god_

"When you are ready," he said hoarsely. "...you will come stay with me and you will never want again."  
"Yes, _yes_ , I'll do anything you want...please..."

And as she was coming down from her own high she felt him release and she realized she had just sold her soul. And she didn't even regret it.


	19. Fragments of the past

"Are you ever going to tell me anything about yourself?" she asked as they were standing in the kitchen, preparing something to eat.  
"What is it that you wish to know?"

_Why did you decide to try to conquer my planet?_

"I don't know, like, what did you do before you came to Earth? What do you do when you're not stalking me all over the place? Anything you can tell me, really.

Loki nudged her towards the table with a hand on her lower back.  
"I take it my dear brother hasn't told you what unfolded before I was cast out of Asgard?" His voice carried just a hint of bitterness, but it was unmistakebly there.  
"Not really, no. Not in detail."

He sat down.  
"Very well. I was legitimate king. A brief stint while my brother was in exile and our... father (There was the bitterness again.) had succumbed to Odinsleep, something he goes through to regenerate himself with a few years interval." Loki's food remained untouched. He was studying his fingers, rubbing them together in repetitive motions. "I saw a chance to prove myself and it failed."  
"What did you want to prove?"  
His eyes found hers, serious, with sligthly more than their usual intensity.  
"That I was just as worthy as Thor. That I wasn't a mere shadow to follow him around and try to repair all the havoc he was causing in his quests for glory. There is more to be king than slaying giants and boost in front of your friends."

No doubt. She had a feeling there would be a lot of puzzle pieces needed to fill in the whole picture, but it still felt like she'd touched on something essential just now, something at the core of Loki's motivations. And his anger.

"I'm sorry," she said, in lack of anything better to express her sympathy. It was difficult to express affection or sympathetic feelings towards Loki and feel like they were properly recieved. He seemed to deflect such attempts like they meant little or nothing. Like he kept up an invisible shield to keep such sentiments from getting through. Yet he had claimed to want her close to ease his loneliness. She wasn't sure what to think.

* * *

She was dozing off, held tightly against his chest in their usual sleeping arrangement, her face buried into his neck. She wondered if Loki had ever slept with stuffed toys as a child, because that was suspiciously close to how he handled her. Like a comfort item. Except he was holding her just as tightly against his neither regions, relishing the pressure against his genitals if the semi-hardness she felt was any indication.

Did he ever truly have enough? Most men needed to wait a bit before getting ready for action again. Loki didn't seem to suffer from such limitations. Maybe it was yet another difference between the people of Asgard and her own kind. Despite their similar looks there were some very fundamental differences under the surface. The strength, the resilience, the...

He was mumbling something in his sleep. She felt the sensation of his throat vibrating against her face, a weirdly intimate feeling. Then his arm jerked. Several times. Whatever was going on in that dream it was exciting. His breathing became faster, interspersed with moans, and not of the pleasant variety; she knew what he sounded like when turned on, and this was something else entirely.

She tried to nudge him awake to no avail; either he was too thick-skinned to feel anything or too deep in the dream to notice. He was squirming like trying to get away from something, and then suddenly he let go of her and sat up straight with a loud gasp. His fingers clenched at the bed sheets and he swallowed, still breathing heavily. She put a light hand on his back, unsure what else to do. This was not something she had witnessed before during their naps together, each lasting a couple of hours at the most.

He turned around to face her, then evaded his look again. There was something seriously haunted in his eyes, the brief glimpse she got, and it took him several minutes to calm down enough to lie back down. He pulled her into his embrace again and his body was moist and cold from sweat.  
"Are you alright?" she asked.  
"I will be."

* * *

"I'm still not convinced you are fully mortal, darling."  
"Oh please, I knew my parents; none of them had... immortal connections, or whatever you may want to call it."  
"Then why do you think they were so eager to supress your powers?" She was taken aback by his question, but managed to answer it.  
"Because there are people who see mutants as a threat. Some even think we should be locked up preemptively."  
"You are not a mutant, love." His voice was reassuring as much as it was dimissive of the idea. Whatever the reason he sounded convinced.  
"It doesn't really matter. When you have powers that others don't they are either scared of you or treat you like... you're less than them."

He took her face between his hands and brought her closer to plant a kiss on her forehead. That kind of gentleness always surprised her, it came out of the blue, when she least expected it.  
"Listening to fools will only hold you back. Extraordinary abilities need to be honed and nourished, not stifled."  
"That's why you're good at what you do?" she asked.  
"I've had centuries to perfect my skills. You don't, which is why you need to clear out all things that bars you from reaching your true power."

Well, she couldn't argue with that. I just wasn't so easy to let go of lifelong conditioning.

"There are ways of finding out what you are," he mused. "But not in this realm. You will have to come with me if you really want to know the truth."  
"Are you planning on leaving?" she asked after some pause. The thought disconcerted her, for obvious reasons. She hadn't thought about it before, that he might actually choose to leave Earth, despite not having to.  
"Not without you, love."


	20. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time's running out but some things are forever.

She was in the shower, washing her face, when she heard the door open and felt someone step in behind her.  
"Loki?"  
"Expecting someone else?" came a familiar, dry voice behind her. 

She rolled her eyes but got soap in them and had to rinse it out.  
"It may be of little use to clean yourself this thoroughly now," he said, brushing up against her back. "Since I presume you will shower before going back to the tower as well."  
"I'll have to. I can't walk in there smelling like you."  
He chuckled softly.  
"That may confuse them," he agreed. "But wouldn't it be an enticing idea? Walking in there, right under their noses, all clues present... yet they wouldn't dare imagining what is really going on? What I've been doing to you just hours before?"

She wasn't sure 'enticing' was the word she'd use for that kind of situation, but sure... she could see where he was coming from. She also noticed how he presumed she wouldn't leave for home until later, and in truth... though she _should_ be leaving as soon as possible, she really didn't want to.

His hands travelled over her belly, down over the thighs and back up to her chest. The soap still present made his palms slide easily over the skin. They moved in sensual, circular movements and she remained still to feel the sensation to the fullest.

It was so _comforting_ here somehow. Protected from the world outside, Loki's presence ever so close; she could sense it even when he wasn't in the same room.

_Damn! I'm in deep, ain't I?_

He pushed her closer to the wall, pressing himself flush against her back and slid his hand down between her legs. The imagined scenario of her return to the tower seemed to excite him.

Sliding his fingers into all the right places he kissed her neck and ran his lips slowly over her ear. She involuntarily moved against him, unable to stand still. Her knees came dangerously close to buckling, but he took a firm hold of her hips as he pushed into her and sighed with pleasure. Moving slowly he seemed set on taking his time, all while setting her nerve endings on fire, making her squirm under his grip.

She leaned her palms and face against the cold tiles, a sharp contrast to the warmth of the streaming water the rest of her body was under.  
"I did this under a waterfall once," came his voice from behind.  
"I don't want to hear what you did with others," she said without thinking. He chuckled.  
"Does it bother you?" he teased, voice sleek like honey.  
"I just don't want to hear about it."  
He leaned forward, running his open mouth along the area between her shoulder and neck, smooth and wet and with just a hint of teeth.  
"You are my only one, and you will be for as long as you live. I can not see myself with anyone else."

_And why is that the sexiest thing he's ever said to me?_

She moaned between breaths, felt him move faster, yet still with the long, deep thrusts he'd maintained throughout. There was no doubt he was paying attention, being intensely aware of just what she needed at the moment, and she cried out, not caring if she embarassed herself.  
"Yes, love," she heard him whisper before she lost herself in the sensation.

He waited till she was done, and then drove himself to climax with a few hard thrusts that made her whimper, ending up with her tightly held against his body, cheek against hers and his arms wound firmly around her front.  
"You are mine, love. I will never let you go."

* * *

She was half lying between Loki's legs, leaning against his chest, in the sofa. Her hair was still damp but he didn't seem to mind. She felt content and relaxed, almost a little sleepy but not enough to actually doze off.  
"You could stay," he said, picking at strands of her hair, running them between his fingers. It was unusual to see him so at ease, without the attitude or the tension that so often seemed to define him.  
"I can't. They may not notice if I'm gone for one night, but their bound to start wondering if I stay longer, and they will start searching."  
He didn't say anything. 

"I need my own place," she sighed. If it just didn't take so long time to find one. "But I'm good enough at portal building now that I can come and go without anyone following me."  
"Associating with those self appointed 'heroes' will cause you nothing but grief," he warned.  
"I'm sure they would say the same thing about you."

Even if she could come and go more freely now, living in the tower put her in a very unfortunate conflict of interest, especially if she was to take part in missions again. Sooner or later there would be a clash between Loki and the Avengers and she would be caught in the middle. Nothing good would come of that.  
She needed to get out; there was no other way.

* * *

The magical wards made it impossible to use a portal to travel directly to or from the house, so they had to go outside. She had put it off as long as possible but it was already early evening. The risk of her being missed increased by the hour.  
"I will be back," she promised, assuring herself as much as him. The last 27 hours had been so intense it felt like a piece of herself was being ripped out when thinking about leaving.

_I never thought I would feel this passionately about anyone. That I would be fine with risking everything because somebody made me feel like myself again._

Slowly the portal came to life and she stepped through, his kiss still burning on her lips.


	21. Going back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A return... and a look into the past.

She stepped out into her own living room and took a few moments to collect herself before facing the others.

"J.A.R.V.I.S., has anyone missed me while I was gone?"  
"Indeed they have, miss. Mr Stark and mr Rogers were quite concerned when they found you not to be present this morning."  
"Will you tell them that I'm alright?"  
"Absolutely. And let me say that it is nice to see you back and in good health."  
"Thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S."

She decided she'd rather face the others on neutral ground so she headed for the central kitchen, thinking some ice cream would help her relax and fall back into rythm. It felt strangely different to be back after everything. It shouldn't; she hadn't been gone long, only spent some more time with Loki than usual, yet... 

"Where the hell have you been?" hit her once she stepped out of the elevator. Tony and Steve stood before her like a pair of disappointed parents. She managed not to laugh.  
"I went visiting a friend," she said innocently. (It _was_ technically true.) "Was I needed?"  
"You know, when you just disappear and stay away like that people are going to get worried." Tony was standing with his arms crossed, a stern look on his face.  
"But that's a little silly, don't you think? I am an adult, and just because I happen to live here doesn't mean I have to report in when I come and go. "  
"Do you know that S.H.I.E.L.D. has you under surveillance ever since that story with Loki, and they couldn't find you either?" Steve said, concern in his voice.  
"Oh, I know," she said drily. "I've taken to portal myself out of here _exactly_ because I don't like being tailed by nosy agents. I have a right to privacy, just like everyone else. And Loki is not a problem anymore."

_He may be many things but not a problem. Quite the opposite by now._

"He could still be," Steve persisted. "We don't know what made him so interested in you in the first place."  
"Come on, guys. This is why I need my own place." She pushed past them and started walking. Not too long ago she would have been freaking out over this kind of situation, scared of anything that might provoke their suspicions. Now... something had changed and everything felt different.

She continued to the kitchen and found the treat she was looking for, all while deflecting the others' concern.  
"Again, I am an adult. You really have no business fussing over me like this. And don't tell me that it's because I'm a woman. I've already figured that much out."

Both men looked embarrassed. None of them were particularly fond of being called sexist, Steve in particular, and it wasn't the first time she had pointed out certain male-dominated attitudes in the tower.

"There is something different about you..." Tony observed. "Something that's changed over the last... month perhaps? What's going on?"  
"It's none of your business."  
"It's that boyfriend or yours, isn't it? It's getting serious."

_Uh... serious? What does that mean?_

"S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to take some photos of a man you've been seen with," Steve explained. "They just haven't been able to find any information about him."  
"Good. I hope they don't."  
"You can't keep it a secret for ever," Tony said. "Especially if you get... you know, serious with him."  
She sighed.  
"I am not getting 'serious' with anyone. Will you stop snooping in my life?"  
"Technically it's S.H.I.E.L.D. who's doing the snooping," Tony pointed out. "I just hack into their files."  
"Of course you do. Aren't there more interesting things in those files than details about my dating life?" She wasn't sure whether to be irritated or amused by this conversation.  
"The weird thing is that nobody seems to know who this guy is. It's like he's disappearing off the grid once you've said goodbye. And then pops up again shortly before meeting you again."

_Uh-oh, that could make someone draw conclusions.If they're creative enough to think outside the box._

"What we're saying," Steve stepped in. "... is that there may be something that isn't what it seems with your new... romantic interest."

Somehow she thought Loki would laugh at being referred to as "romantic interest".

"Well, let me know if they manage to find something out," she said casually. "In the meantime I'm going to live my life any way I see fit." She strolled out of the kitchen with her ice cream and returned to her own floor.

* * *

There was an issue Loki had brought up that wouldn't leave her alone. She decided to call the only living relative who might have something to say about it.  
"I'm not sure what it is you're asking..." came her aunt's voice from the other end of the line.  
"You remember when I was little, I used to create those tiny portals that showed pictures of other worlds?"

Silence in the other end, then nervous laughter.

"That was just something you pretended for a while. It wasn't real. Children have all these fantasies when they're small and then they grow out of them, just like you did."  
"It wasn't pretending," she said patiently. "I can still do it. In fact I've practiced so much I can create portals large enough to walk through."

More silence, then:  
"Why ever would you do such a thing?"  
"Because it's a skill that I can use for something, and... Never mind, I just wanted to know if there's been anyone else in our family who could do the same thing."

Now she could almost _hear_ the older woman squirming.  
"This is not something we should be talking about."

So there _was_ something there after all. She used her most longing, puppy-sad voice:  
"Please, tell me! I need to know this."  
"Did your mother ever tell you about our grandmother?" her aunt said after some more hesitation. "Your great grandmother?"  
"Not that I can recall..." She searched her memory but nothing came to light.  
"She could do... certain things. I don't know if she could do anything with 'portals' as you call them, but she could... When your mother and I were small she used to tell us stories and she used pictures to illustrate them. Pictures she created out of nothing."

_Illusions._

"You're saying she used magic?"  
"No, of course not, there is no such thing. She just... I don't know how she did it, but there were other things too. Things that nobody should be able to do. She called them her gifts."

She wondered what Loki would say about this. Probably keep insisting that she wasn't fully mortal, because mortals can't do magic. Arrogant bastard.

"What else could she do?"


	22. Secrets unveiled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being missed by one and questioned by another.

Her aunt couldn't tell her as much as she wanted to know, it was merely enough to pique her curiousity. Appearently her great grandmother had referred to it as the "family curse" and had wanted to turn it into something with more positive connotations. Her "gifts" had included some sort of clairvoyance as well, though the aunt had been fuzzy on the details.

This all implied that there had been more people with abilities before her, and that said abilities could vary from person to person. Also a fear had been inherited down the generations along with the curse; a deep rooted aversion to displaying the abilities publicly.

It made sense, she supposed. People who were different had always been shunned.

* * *

She ended up being busy the next few days. Too busy, in fact, to contact Loki again. She went along on a smaller mission that ended up wearing her out so she spent the rest of the day resting in bed after a long and relaxing bath. The other days she went looking at apartments and eventually found one she would seriously consider. The deposit was ridiculously high but everything else seemed to her liking, so she decided to take it if nothing better turned up within the near future.

That night Loki came by the tower.

She wasn't sure what it was that woke her up, maybe a sound, maybe intuition, but once she opened her eyes she saw his silhouette by the window. She sat up, waiting for the sleep to clear from her mind.  
"Loki?" He turned towards her, but didn't approach the bed. She waited, then put her feet on the floor and walked up to him. "What's the matter?"

He hadn't set foot in the tower for over a month; it wasn't needed now they had better and safer options for their meetings.  
"I understand you have been busy," he said with a tightness to his voice.  
"Eh... yes. What about it?"  
"Too busy to come back?"

_Oh..._

"Actually yes. I tried to find the time but it didn't work out. I hoped I'd be able to come by tomorrow."  
He wouldn't look her in the eye but reached out and pulled her closer, holding her against him. She could feel his jaw clenching against her hairline. She wrapped her arms around his back, suddenly hit by how pleasant it felt, how right it felt, to be close to him again.

He felt tense to her touch, but after a minute of not saying anything he started to relax. Finally he let out a sigh and ran his fingers through her hair, his lips touching the top of her head.  
"I don't want you near them," he murmured. "Any of them."  
"I know. And you shouldn't be here either. There are a whole lot of people in the tower right now."  
"They're all sleeping. Except Stark, and he's too absorbed in his petty little projects to pay attention to anything else."  
"Don't underestimate them. Please!"

She ended up telling Loki what her aunt had revealed. He didn't seem surprised.  
"Your talent had to be magic in nature," he said. "It's bending the fabric of reality in a most sophisticated way."  
"I don't feel sophisticated."  
He gave her a serious look.  
"You do not know what amount of power you're wielding. Or the potential of it. I could sense it when you were practicing."

He brought out a glass vial from somewhere.  
"I require a sample of your blood."  
"If this is some kink of yours I'm not in. I don't do blood play."   
He looked like he was about to roll his eyes at her.  
"It is for finding out if you are truly mortal or not."  
"They have laboratories for that? Wouldn't something like that have been discovered by now?"  
"Not necessarily. It is possible that your non-mortal genes are inactive for one reason or another. It is merely a small amount that I need."  
"I would hope so," she said suspiciously and let him prick her finger. She winced when he squeezed her fingertip over the vial and sealed it before vanishing it away.  
"I will be gone for a few days while researching this, but fear not. I will be back." He kissed her and left.

* * *

Thor was back. She encountered him the next day as she walked into the lounge. He stood by the windows looking out over the city, with an expression like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. She went up to talk to him, really wanting to ask questions about Loki, but couldn't figure out how to initiate that kind of conversation. 

They talked about other things instead and it was when she lifted her hand to point at something outside that her sleeve slipped up and revealed the anti-magic bracelet.  
Thor grabbed hold of her arm.  
"Where did you get this?"   
She tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let go.  
"I don't remember," she said, doing her best to sound like it wasn't important.  
"Was it Loki who gave it to you?"

She hesitated with the answer, trying to think of a plausible sounding explanation but nothing came to mind.

Thor looked closer at the engravings.  
"This is a warding bracelet. It could not have come from anybody in this realm. Why did you choose to accept it?"

_Shit!_

"He didn't give me a choice," she defended herself. "And I didn't think it would do any harm. It's just a bracelet. It's supposed to protect against magical threats."  
"Why would Loki give you this?"  
"I don't know. It's one of the things he gave me back when he started showing up in my rooms. I did tell you, remember?"

She had been deliberately vague on the details, of course.

Thor seemed lost in thoughts. He didn't take his eyes of the piece around her arm, like he was trying to decipher the engravings.  
"When was he last here?"  
"Not recently," she lied, trying to figure out how to defuse the situation before it got out of hand, and just as she thought things couldn't get any worse...  
"Oh, he was here alright!" came Tony's excited voice from behind them. "He was here as late as last night, actually."


	23. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the cats are out of the bag...

"I finally found a way to track that pretty little signature he leaves in coming and going," Tony announced.   
"Signature?" Thor asked with a frown.  
Tony waved a hand dismissively.  
"Just something he emits when moving about in the tower. Probably comes from whatever he uses to hide his presence here. Remember when J.A.R.V.I.S. used to be down and Loki turned out to be making his little visits at the same time? There was a pattern. I finally worked out a way to distinguish it; It's an electromagnetic signature that's almost, _almost_ too vague to detect, but it is there." Tony looked satisfied, having worked it out.

"You can tell when Loki is here?" Thor's interest was clearly peaked.  
Tony was practically glowing with pride and excitement.  
"I've found traces of that signature for every time he's been seen here." He glanced at her, where she stood. She had stopped reporting Loki's visits for obvious reasons, but the first few times, naturally...

Tony continued, barely containing himself:  
"Every single time, and it shows exactly where in the building he's been too. Now here's the interesting part..."

_Oh no, let there not be an interesting part. I don't like where this is going._

"He didn't stop coming as we thought. He's actually been here several times since, and last night is the most recent."  
Thor turned to look at her:  
"Did you know this? Did you see him?"  
"I..."   
But Tony was too much on a roll to let her answer:  
"He went straight for your floor, stayed for roughly half an hour, then lingered outside the workshop for a little while and then... just left. Just like that."

Thor was barely listening now; he was looking at her, waiting for an answer.  
"Yes, I saw him," she admitted at last. There was little point in denying it now, and elaborate lying could only make things worse.  
"It is true?" Thor demanded. "You have been seeing him... without telling anyone? You two have..."  
"And he gave you things?" Tony inserted, like he only just now started paying attention to that part of the conversation.  
"He left me a few gifts, like the bracelet and a focus enhancer to help me with my portal training. I never asked him for any of it; he just gave them to me."  
"And you didn't tell anyone?" Tony asked with lifted eyebrows. "Pardon me for saying so, but that sounds... "  
"Yes!" she exclaimed. "I know what it sounds like. It wasn't like that in the beginning. I just wanted to keep the things because they were... they were _beautiful_ and I thought you would take them away to analyze and not give them back. Then I sort of... fell in love with him."

The silence was deafening.  
And that was the moment Steve chose to enter, only catching the last frase.  
"Fell in love with who?" he asked, noticing the serious looks on their faces.  
"With Loki," Tony said with confirmed suspicion. "He's been sneaking in here to see her. That's what it was all about."  
"She told me of this," Thor lamented. "Only I was not aware his affections were requited."  
"Fury suspected it." Steve said. "I doubt he knew to what extent, but he ordered her off the field for that very reason."

"If you could stop talking about me like I'm not here," she said, not attempting to hide her irritation. "Yes, I've been seeing him, but he hasn't come to the tower for weeks; we meet elsewhere. It was just last night. He showed up unexpectedly."  
"Booty call?" Tony smirked.  
"No! For a talk, some contact. That was all."

Thor put a heavy hand on her shoulder and almost made her knees buckle. Loki was ridiculously strong as well, but he had a better feeling for what her body could handle.  
"I regret you were pulled into this. My brother has always been skilled at manipulating others. Whatever it is he wants from you..."

_Oh, for heaven's sake._

"You're not going to believe this," she interrupted. "But I haven't done anything to compromise you people. Or your precious team. I have not given him any information, anything he could use against you at all. All I've done is trying to keep that part of my life private. For obvious reasons."  
"You're actually sleeping with him?" Tony's voice was incredulous. "With Loki? Who tried to take over..."  
"You can make it sound cheap all you want," she exclaimed, running out of patience. "It's a lot more complicated than that."  
"What do you see in him?" Tony persisted. "Do you just happen to have a thing for villains or is it all that kinky leather or what?"  
She rolled her eyes.  
"It can't be that I just care for him as a person? Maybe I relate to him, I certainly understand where he's coming from."  
"What do you mean?" Steve asked with a frown.  
"He's tired of being alone, and I've been lonely all my life. My ability turned people off; they thought I was a mutant."  
"You could have applied to Xaviers school," Tony suggested. She turned to him.  
"You think my parents would have allowed that? No chance in hell! That would mean _acknowledging_ what I was, and risk other people finding out." She shrugged. "Not that it matters now. I'm probably not a mutant after all. I don't seem to fit in anywhere."

"Wait a moment, you said Loki is tired of being alone?" It was Thor asking.  
"He just want someone to be there when he needs it. I get more than enough out of it to be that person."

Steve looked away awkwardly. Tony huffed out a laugh.  
"It's Loki we're talking about here. He's feeling lonely? Tough luck. Maybe if he didn't go on world conquering rampages he would find making friends a little easier."  
Thor shook his head.  
"Loki was always... He never had an easy time making friends. He made it seem like he didn't need any but... "  
Tony looked from one to the other.  
"Are you two serious?" Then turned to her: "So you're just... two lonely people finding comfort in each others arms? Is that it?"  
"Can you _stop_ trying to analyze it?" Her patience was up. "If you have to turn me in to Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. then do so and live happily ever after. I'm getting tired of this."

Tired was an understatement. She wanted to throw something.

"We're not going to turn you in," Steve stepped in. "At least not yet. There might still be something that can be done about this. If you really haven't revealed information, maybe we can work something out."

Right. Work something out. She'd believe that when she'd see it.


	24. In limbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for the cards to fall...   
> Music suggestion:The logical song - Supertramp

She had more or less decided to take the available apartment and begin to prepare the move, but now it felt like everything was falling apart. There was no way of knowing what was going to happen or where she would end up, so she couldn't make plans. What she had done was in fact very serious; it might well land her in prison. Though they couldn't prove that she had actively aided Loki, there was the fact that she had omitted reporting his whereabouts when she could, and should, have done so. The authorities were not going to take it lightly.

It didn't seem much point in doing anything until she knew how the cards where going to fall.

Of course there was the last and final option. The one she had avoided...  
Loki hadn't said how long he was going to be gone, but she doubted he was back as of yet. Once he returned she might already be in confinement. She wondered how he would react to the news.

* * *

Thor came to see her and, as he sat down for their conversation, his eyes fell on an item on her desk.  
"Did Loki give you this as well?" he asked, indicating the figurine of a woman with a necklace and flowers in her hair.  
"Yes. How did you know?"  
"It is an image of Freya, whom your people once referred to as godess of love and fertility, among other things. If he was courting you this would be a highly symbolic gift."

Fertility... She certainly hoped that hadn't been the first attribute on Loki's mind. Hormonal birth control was a wonderful thing, though she hadn't been sure at first whether earthly contraceptives would withstand the advances of a "god". There hadn't been any unfortunate consequenses yet, so they appeared to have worked.

"I know you disapprove," she said. "I'm sorry."  
"Do not take the blame. This is not your doing."  
"Well, I'm responsible for fifty percent of it."  
Thor looked at her with a frown.  
"Loki is a talented liar, and he plays with people's weaknesses. Even I have fallen for his manipulations. It can not be expected of you to see through the web of lies he creates."

She already disliked this conversation. It was hurtful.  
"Is that what you're here for?" she asked. "To tell me how horrible he is and how stupid I am for falling for him?"  
Thor looked at her regretfully.  
"That is not my intention. I apologize if it wounds you to hear these things."

She sighed, rubbing her forehead.  
"Nothing you say is going to change the way things are. I've already been through all the counterarguments. He's a criminal, he's dangerous, he's possessive... And I know what he did during the invasion. But he's still a person who I happen to love. I didn't plan it that way, in fact I resisted for a long time, but it happened anyway."  
"And he has not hurt you?"  
"He's hurt me a lot less than certain other people I know. Loki actually encouraged me to be myself, and do things for my own sake instead of pleasing others. That means more than you can possibly understand."

Thor seemed to ponder this.  
"You believe you owe him?" he said.  
"No! I don't owe him anything. He was a complete pest in the beginning, literally stalking me, so it only evens out."  
"Then why would you place your trust in him?"   
She took a breath.  
"Does there need to be a why? Why are you people so intent on explaining and rationalizing everything? It is what it is, there doesn't need to be a reason."  
"I am merely trying to understand."  
"No, you're trying to get to me so I will question myself and change my mind about him. Look, I'm sure you're a decent person, but you barely know me. There is no reason why you would care so much if I end up heartbroken or not. This isn't about me."  
"I will not stand by and watch my brother destroy another life."  
"And I won't let other people rule my life anymore," she said sharply. I have the right to make my own decisions. _And_ take the consequenses. Why is that so hard to understand?"

Thor backed off for the moment, either because he accepted what she was saying... or because he realized the futility in arguing. She wasn't sure which applied and at the moment she didn't care.

"Exactly what will happen to Loki if he returns to Asgard?" she asked instead.  
"That is for the Allfather to decide," Thor answered, his voice grim.  
"What is the worse that can happen?" she insisted.  
He took a moment to think.  
"That would be execution, though I doubt our mother will allow it. Most likely he will be confined to a prison cell."

_Which means I'll never see him again._

Reality was closing in. She had managed to push the risks and consequenses out of her mind for quite a while. Between her portal travelling and Loki's disguises things had been running smoothly; she had almost stopped being afraid that they'd be discovered.  
Now it all came back full force. She suddenly felt small and powerless.

Once alone she made a portal and returned to Loki's hiding place, but as expected he wasn't back. It had been a small hope, she realized, but she had gone for it just the same. Not like there was anything to loose, and she needed desperately to get out of the tower. 

Standing by the empty house with it's invisible wards the doubt started creeping in. What if he'd left for good? Left this realm altogether with no intention to return?

_You got me into this mess; you'd better help me out._

She stayed in a nearby park, sitting on the backrest of a bench with her hand around the green stone as the night fell and the streetlights lit up. 

_No, I got myself into it. I went for it knowing full well what could happen._

There was nothing here to leave behind, nothing she would miss.

_This world doesn't belong to me; I owe it nothing._

Her eyelids closed over the tears.

_I owe you nothing._


	25. Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things need to be cleared up once and for all

When Loki finally came back from wherever he'd been, he was not happy to hear of the recent development. It was not like she could have hidden it; he already knew that something was wrong due to the stone around her neck, and it didn't take him long to get the details out of her.  
"I am gone for three days and now they threaten to imprison you?"  
"No, they didn't. It's only what will happen if they report me to S.H.I.E.L.D."  
"And you for a moment doubt that they will?" he spat. "You think they will protect you?"  
"Not... necessarily"

She had spent the last few days thinking things over, and having repetitive conversations with the others where they tried to   
1\. tell her that being involved with Loki was going to land her in trouble.

_Yeah, I know that, guys. Thank so very much for stating the obvious._

and 2. suggest ways she could turn on him and put an end to the relationship

_Sorry, did you miss the part where I said that I love him?_

Of course they wouldn't keep her secret forever. Every passing hour increased the risk of everything erupting into disaster. They wanted to do the right thing, only that was not necessarily the right thing from her point of view.

"Loki... can you calm down for five minutes and focus? I need to ask you something."  
He tightened his fist, but relaxed it again.  
"What?"  
"What will happen if I come with you? For real? I may have to disappear and I know next to nothing about creating a new identity or anything like that. You're my... you may be my only option."  
That was not the right thing to say, she realized one second to late.  
"Your... only option? That's what I am? A last resort when there is nothing else left?"

_Oh shit!_

He walked up to her, grasping her jaw between his fingers.  
"That's not..."  
"You keep me waiting all this time and only when they turn on you you come to me? When you have no other choice?"

Now her own anger began flaring up.  
"I'm in this mess because of you! Because I chose you! How blind can you be? I've been struggling for months with this while you acted like it was a fucking game! The only thing, the _only_ thing I've refused to do was to move in here, and do you know why? Because I couldn't trust that you would let me leave again!"  
He stiffened and for a moment she had no idea what was going through his mind or what he was about to do. Then he suddenly let go and stepped back.  
"I let you leave and you didn't come back."  
"Not because I didn't want to! And it was, what, three days?"

_Damn, we're really not doing well apart, are we?_

"If you come with me we won't be staying here," he said, averting his eyes. "It would be better to leave the realm altogether."

She had thought about leaving the city, but the realm... Earth. The only world she'd ever known.  
"And... how do we do that?" she asked hesitantly.  
He was walking away from her, looking deep in thought.  
"The same way I did when bringing your blood to Alfheim for analyzing. There are ways to travel between the worlds that few people know about."

Right, her blood. She had forgotten all about that.  
"And if I say yes... would you take me? I need to know if it's an option. Or if you have second thoughts."  
He looked back at her, frowning.  
"Second thoughts?"  
"Are you serious about what you've been saying? That you want me... along? Cause if it's just something you're saying and don't mean I don't... I need to know now."  
She looked away. Saying it out loud made it feel like a wound waiting to be ripped open.

_I'm just a mortal to him, something to play with while he's here. Why would I think anything else?_

He was suddenly standing near her again. The movement was so swift it barely registered.  
"You are mine, as you will always be," he said, forcing her chin up so she had to look at him. "And if they dare lock you away I will come for you."

For a horrifying instant she imagined the blood bath such a rescue mission could turn into.  
"Don't! I just want to know that you're serious, 'cause you're my best hope of getting out of this."

He moved his hand from her chin and ran it across her cheek, caressing soothingly.  
"Are you certain this is what you want?"  
She leaned closer and put her hands on his waist while resting her face against his neck, taking in the familiar scent. It felt comforting, for the first time since he left.  
"Yes. If you could just stop being so entitled and acting like you own me..."  
"Oh but you love it when I own you," he smirked. "You moan so deliciously."  
"I don't mean in bed! I mean in... life."  
"My sweet..." He sighed and kissed the top of her head. "You don't know what you're asking of me."  
"You really can't help yourself, can you?"  
"I will do what it takes to keep you safe and near. I will let you be who you were meant to be, and give you everything you may need, but I won't let you go."  
"As long as I'm not locked up in a house somewhere, because that just won't..."

Without warning he lifted her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom like she barely weighed anything.  
"What are you...?" 

He put her down on the bed and barely gave her time to think before he was on top of her, gently kissing and removing her clothing.  
"Shh, darling. I have left you alone for too long, made you doubt me. I will not have that."


	26. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revelation of magical proportions.

He kissed her till she wasn't aware of anything but the sensual touches of his tongue and lips, of his skin against hers, of his arms holding her down. He lifted her leg and eased into her, whispering things with that silken voice while his breath brushed against her ear.

It was true. She loved being owned in bed. It would probably not have worked with anyone else. She was not one to submit easily, but Loki was determined enough to enforce his will. He might well slow down and give her time to adjust, but he never backed off once in domination mode. It was incredibly rewarding to just give in and let him do what he wanted.

She lay still in his arms after, not wanting to let go of the contact.  
"Thor said the figurine you gave me was a symbol of love and... fertility," she said after a while.  
"I can assure you I have no intention of impregnating you," he told her. "It stands for much more than that."  
"Glad we're on the same page."

It had been lingering in the back of her mind, along with her suspicion of him wanting to trap her. The resolve in his voice eased her concerns.

"It would be unwise for... a number of reasons." he added, tensing visibly, and though she wanted to ask what the reasons were, she instinctively felt it was a subject better left alone. At least for now. 

She asked about the blood sample instead. What he had found out.  
"It appears you have traces of elf magic in you," he told her.  
"You're kidding me!"  
"I can assure you I am very serious."  
"How is that possible?"  
"There are several possibilities," he explained, leaning on an elbow. "Your Midgardian genes may in fact be mixed. In older times there were frequent interactions between Alfheim and this realm."  
"The way I'm interacting with you? Just what is it with us mortals that make us so attractive to other species?" The ancient myths were starting to take on a whole new meaning lately, and she wondered just how much was actually true.

He ignored her questions and continued:  
"It is also possible that a flicker of magic was introduced into your family line at some point, as a gift or perhaps a curse. Is your great grandmother still alive?"  
"No, she would have been a hundred and... I don't know how many years old by now. I only know what my aunt told me about her." Which wasn't much to begin with. It was frustrating to have access to so little information. She wished she could open a window in time and peek in to see what really had happened to the magic inflicted in her family. How had they dealt with it? What had they been able to do?

"She may have been right in her assessment," Loki said pensively. "That it started as a curse. As I understand it there has been times in your history where magic use would have been severely frowned upon; even dangerous to wield would people learn of it."  
"Like during the witch trials, yes. Any time after christianity began infesting Europe really. What if it was a gift?"  
"It may have been extended as a reward or in gratitude for some service provided. Or from emotional attachment of some sort."

She lay on her back, arms behind her head, and looking up at the ceiling.  
"So someone far back in my family line was either cursed or gifted by an elf. Or impregnated by one. I think I need to let this sink in for a while. It's a bit much to deal with."

Like she didn't have enough to begin with, having a nordic trickster god in her bed. In all fairness though, he made it worthwile.

"I would like to know how far this magic extends," he said. "Portal building may not be the only skill within your reach." She imagined a note of excitement in his voice but wasn't totally sure. When Loki decided he didn't want to be read, he was very skilled at hiding his emotions. Centuries of practice, she figured.

Something struck her.  
"Did you sense this when we first met? Since you use magic yourself, I mean. Did you pick up on it?"  
"Not exactly. I sensed you were different, but I couldn't determine in what way. At the time I dismissed it as a matter of... personality, temperament if you will."

"Elf magic is different," he continued after a short pause. "I have integrated different forms of magic over the centuries as I have expanded my knowledge, but the magic arts of Alfheim varies somewhat from what is at the core of my own powers. I would not have detected this in you had I not searched for it."  
"So... what do I do now? What do I do with all this? I can't really see myself... wielding magic." 

This was all strange and foreign territory. She didn't know what to think about it.

"We need to find out more of what it entails," he said. "There is yet another possibility..." He looked thoughtful again.  
"Which is...?"  
"There is a small chance this can be used to increase your mortal lifespan."  
"By how much?"  
He shook his head and smiled at her.  
"I cannot say. It is merely a thought." He leaned over and kissed her on the lips. "I do like it that you take so easily to the idea."  
She took his face between her hands, savouring the gentle moment.  
"Why wouldn't I?"  
"Not all would. Some would hold on dearly to what they have, rather than exchange it for what's new and unknown. Yet you are ready to follow me to another realm and perhaps even prolong your lifespan for me. I don't think you see just how special that makes you."  
"I would do it for my own sake too," she pointed out.

He kissed her again. A little deeper this time.  
"Oh, I know. Isn't it marvellous how our wants coincide?"


	27. Retrieval

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back one last time...

The decision was mostly a formality at this point.  
"I'm staying," she said. "But I need to get a few things from home first."  
"Then I am coming with you," he stated as if they were talking about a trip to the store.  
"You're crazy!" she exclaimed. "You can't."   
He smiled, openly amused.  
"And why not? It is not as if I haven't been there on multiple occasions already."  
"But they can track you now! They will know that you are there. And not just in the tower; on the very floor! They'll find us in no time."

He still smiled at her agitation, but briefly turned more serious:  
"Listen, darling. I will not let you go alone. If you wish to retrieve your belongings, I am coming with you to make sure you return safely. I will simply create a diversion to keep them occupied elsewhere." 

And that was that. Talking Loki out of something he'd set his mind on was as likely as moving a mountain. She cursed herself for not having packed and brought her things earlier, but she hadn't dared trust that he really wanted her along when things became... definite. It's easy enough to make promises, another thing to keep them when reality is closing in.

_Damn, what am I doing? I'm about to make a commitment to a thousand-year-old god who tried to conquer my world.Who is crazy now?_

At least life would be interesting hereafter.

* * *

Loki disappeared for a while, then returned to take her outside.  
"Now is the time. We can't delay."

She wondered what kind of diversion he had created, but thought it better not to ask. She might not want to hear the answer.

They arrived in the tower although not exactly where planned. She had aimed for her living room but the portal opened in the kitchen instead.  
"I get it right 70 per cent of the time," she defended herself. "At least we're on the right floor."

Loki had done his magic to hide them from JARVIS the moment he stepped through the portal. Now they walked through the hallway and entered her rooms. She had taken the precaution of making a list so to not waste any time. Mostly clothes, but also a few items she didn't want to separate from... The bag was almost full when the door barged open.  
"Don't move!"

It was Tony in full suit. And Thor. Naturally, they would be the fastest to get back from wherever Loki had lured the team to. She quickly threw in the Freya figurine and zipped up the bag.  
"We're just about to leave," she said."Just let us go, we won't cause any trouble."  
"Sorry kid, you know we can't do that," Tony said, aiming his metal glove at Loki who didn't seem intimidated at all. A devilish smile played on the god's face.  
"You must have been truly eager to see me, brother, arriving here so quickly," he said, eyes on Thor. "Enjoyed the spectacle?"  
"I could tell it was your doing, Loki," Thor growled.  
"There aren't that many people crazy enough to set a dragon loose in New York city," Tony pointed out.   
Loki rolled his eyes in fake exasperation.  
"It wasn't a _real_ dragon. Merely one of my 'tricks' as my brother so fondly call them. Utterly harmless."  
"Real enough to set fire to a building!" Thor exclaimed, clearly not amused by Loki's dismissive tone.

She suddenly noticed that Loki had shifted, subtly placing himself between her and the others. As much as she appreciated the thought it wouldn't do much good if things got violent. And he wasn't exactly doing his best to defuse the situation.  
"Don't worry, darling," Loki said, as if reading her mind. "I will let no harm come to you."  
"Then you should release her from whatever spell you have her under," Thor said provocatively. "Let her walk away!"  
"So you can imprison her for helping me? I do no think so," Loki said cheerfully.  
"Guys, I'm no damsel in distress," she protested. "Stop treating me like one!"  
"What are you planning to do with her once she has served her purpose in your schemes?" Thor persisted. "You have shown clearly how little you care for mortal lives."  
"She's no ordinary mortal. You are merely too blind to see it."  
"Look, Reindeer games..." Tony started.

Suddenly the room was full with identical copies of Loki. The next moment she was slammed into a wall with an invisible, yet familiar, body pressed against her.  
"Now, darling!" he murmured. She reached out behind his back and weaved the portal.

The noise from Tony's blasters filled the room and a window exploded in a rain of glass. Somewhere in her peripheral vision Thor lunged forward but the portal was almost at full size when Loki threw himself through it, pulling her along, and landed in the grass on the other side. The portal closed instantly.

She removed the bag strap from her shoulder and let it slip to the ground. Loki was laughing.  
"You're enjoying this?" she huffed out. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"  
He didn't let go of her, just kept her in place against his chest while planting a kiss on her brow.  
"That was exhilarating!" he smiled and stroke a strand of hair out of her face. "You were magnificient, love."  
She couldn't help it; maybe it was the tension, but she ended up laughing as well.

He finally loosened his grip so she could move.  
"I guess I've burnt all bridges now..." she said, sitting up in the grass. It felt bittersweet. Though it was true she didn't own this world anything it was a big step to turn against her former allies. At least noone got hurt.

"For the record, I have not placed you under a spell of any kind," Loki said as they walked into the house.  
"I know. It's my own doing." She dropped the bag as he pulled her close and embraced her.  
"I promise you will have no regrets," he said softly. "Even if you come to hate me, you will never regret following me."


	28. A visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ways to have fun and an unexpected visit.

"I do believe there are more productive things you can indulge in than playing Midgardian games." Loki's voice came from the doorway.

She didn't look up from the laptop.  
"I don't know about you, but I sometimes need a break from the ongoing drama that is my life. It helps me relax." She finished the level and moved on to the next one.  
"There are better ways if you desire relaxation."  
"I know, but sometimes I just want to do something simple. Something that doesn't require removal of clothes and a shower afterwards."  
He smiled and settled down next to her.  
" _That_ was not what I had in mind. I simply don't see the appeal of childish games."

She could have made a joke about age but decided against it.  
"What do you do in Asgard when you want to relax and have fun, then?"  
"That would depend on your inclination," he said. "Feasts are always popular, some enjoy hunting or doing battle practice."  
"You used to live in a royal palace, right? Aren't those things also 'productive'? I mean feasts are about social interaction, forming alliances and all that."  
"Indeed. Most things that are done for pleasure also have other rewards. It appears doing things for no other purpose than enjoyment is a particularly Midgardian objective."  
"I see... And you find that simple-minded?"  
"In a sense." She should probably have been offended, but figured it was a matter of cultural difference. Asgard seemed a bit... medieval to her ears; that could probably be seen as simple-minded as well, depending on viewpoint.

"I enjoy doing things for the plain fun of it," she said lightly. "Get used to it."  
He lifted a strand of hair out of her face, fingers brushing against her neck.  
"I know, love."

"Do you miss Asgard?" she asked, suddenly wondering.  
"In some ways," he said thoughtfully. "Not... so much in others."  
"Why did you leave?"  
He delayed with the answer.  
"There was nothing there for me," he said finally. Then, with a hint of bitterness: "There never was."

* * *

Loki had told her she could explore her inner magic by meditating, so that was what she was trying to do when she heard voices from the living room. One of them was Loki, no doubt, but the other... She frowned. Visitors?

Carefully she got up and approached them, not knowing what to expect.

A woman came into view. Tall and slender, with a somewhat androgynous look and very light, almost white hair. She looked... exotic somehow, even though she was dressed like a regular person. Something in the facial features didn't quite add up.

"This is her?" the woman asked upon setting her eyes on her.  
"It is," Loki confirmed.  
"Eh... hi?" she said, stopping in the doorway.  
"This is Eleree," he explained. "She has arrived from Alfheim, and is what you Midgardians would refer to as a scientist."  
"Oh, I am more than that," the woman said and walked up to her, looking intently at her face. "I believe we might be related."  
"What...what do you mean?" She wished she'd come off as more intelligent, but that seemed to be a lost cause.

Eleree lifted a slender hand and touched her hair, then pushed her chin gently to the side, examining her face from all angles.

_Do all aliens have this complete disregard for personal space?_

She gave Loki a dark look, but forced herself to stand still and endure the intrusion.  
"You Midgardians develop so quickly," Eleree commented pensively. "So many generations... in such a short time."  
"Ehm... we're related how?" she asked, just realizing that the elf woman had pointy ears, almost completely hidden by the hairstyle.  
"My brother once had a dalliance with a mortal woman," Eleree explained. "They had a son. The child's features were a bit too prominent, so my brother placed a glamour on him."

The woman let go of her face and stepped back, eyeing her body instead.  
"Glamours are interesting things. They are magical in nature and can be temporary or permanent. They can be virtually undetectable, spontaneous or deliberate."

Loki was listening with interest, but he also looked slightly uneasy. Something about the subject matter seemed to bother him.

"And what does a 'glamour' do?" she asked. The woman looked surprised and glanced back at Loki.  
"You haven't explained these concepts to her? Or maybe you don't talk that much." She smirked and turned back. "A glamour hides your appearance, dear. It makes you look different."  
"So that son of theirs... was that an ancestor of mine?"  
"Indeed that is how it seems. My brother followed the family line for a while, but when he died..." The elf woman looked sad for a moment. "...we let it go. Didn't think more of it."  
"So when was this? How long ago did this happen?" Her curiousity was definitely piqued now.  
"My brother's involvement with your ancestor took place a little over a thousand years ago. We lost contact with your line around the 16th century in your time count."

Eleree was silent for a while, then:  
"I think the glamour had some unexpected effects. It is not something normally placed on mortals; there might have been interactions with your genetics that he didn't foresee."

The way the elf woman was looking at her she was beginning to feel like a research subject. Something told her there would be more blood sample requests coming.


	29. Glamour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations, magic and... something unexpected.

They were sitting down with a glass of wine before continuing the topic.  
"Is it the glamour or the ancestry that makes me able to do what I do?" she asked curiously.  
"A combination of both, I would think," the elf woman answered. "I will need to look more closely into this before I can give a definite answer. It is not in your nature, as a mortal, to wield magic at this level at all."

"What about an extended life span?" Loki asked. "You did imply it was a possilibity."  
Eleree made a dismissive gesture with long, elegant fingers.  
"I don't see why that would be worth the effort. These dalliances..."  
"It's not a dalliance!" Loki said sharply. "I did ask you to look into it, did I not?"

The woman put down her glass. If she was offended she didn't show it.  
"The glamour has intertwined with her genes, keeping the elf heritage dormant, so yes, if those genes are awakened you can increase her life span. Is that what you really want? She is still a mortal, with all their limitations and weaknesses."

There it was again, being talked about like she wasn't in the room. She held back a snarky remark only because she wanted to hear what they had to say.

"That is what I desire, yes," Loki said, clearly unimpressed with the elf's tone.  
"Of course you do..." The woman's face softened and she reached out to caress his cheek. "You are so young still, despite everything." She straightened up. "Very well, I will do some preparations."  
"Keep those preparations discreet. I don't want word to reach Asgard of my whereabouts."  
"Obviously not."

After some more talk (and another blood sample), Eleree said goodbye and stood to leave.  
"I expect to see you soon," she said with a motherly pat on Loki's chest and walked out the door. 

He put the ward back in place before returning to the couch where he dropped down, pulling her into his lap.  
"That was... interesting." she said, straddling his legs. "Do you know her well?"  
"Well enough. She will not reveal our location." He placed a hand on the back of her head and pulled her close till their mouths met. He brushed his lips against hers a few times before intensifying the kiss, touching his tongue to hers.  
"She didn't seem _that_ much older than you," she said when they parted.  
"She is by about two millennia. Elves don't age the same way we do."  
"Holy shit!"  
"I would prefer you not using foul language while I'm kissing you, darling."

She barely supressed a giggle.  
"You know, some people like dirty talk in bed."  
"I like it more when you talk about what filthy things you want me to do..." He kissed her again. "...or even better what you _fear_ I might do." His voice had that dangerously suggestive tone that made her melt inside.  
"You're horrible," she whispered, rubbing her nose against his.  
"And you love it, my mortal pet. You love that I am capable of doing what I want to you and there is nothing you could do to stop me, would you so wish." He ran his hands over her hips, pressing her closer against him and his growing arousal. 

She just couldn't drop the subject. Not yet.  
"Are glamours different from illusions?"  
"They are. There are many kinds of illusions, but glamours are always about hiding something... something's true nature."

* * *

They were facing each other, sitting on the bed for comfort. Loki's hands were touching hers as he released a small amount of magic from them.  
"Do you feel it?" he asked again.  
She closed her eyes to focus.  
"No..."  
"You are trying too hard. This is not an equation you have to solve. Feel, don't think!"

She wasn't sure what he meant, and frankly he made her nervous. Like there were expectations she wouldn't be able to live up to. Maybe it was all in her head, but she felt like there would never be enough she could do, or be, to add balance to this relationship. The differences were abysmal.

A sudden jolt of pain startled her.  
"Ow!"  
"You felt that," he said with a smirk. "Now focus!"  
"Bastard!"

She relaxed her mind, trying to access the way she felt when opening a portal. Energy sparkled in her fingers, shooting rays up her wrists.  
"I feel something..." she admitted.  
"Play with it," Loki suggested. "Explore it."

_How? I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here._

She tried to concentrate on the sensation but it faded again.

_"I don't see why that would be worth the effort. These dalliances..."_

The elf woman's words had hit her deeper than she wanted to admit. Was that what she was? A dalliance? A short fling in an immortal's life? Not that Loki was literally immortal, but for all practical purposes... 

_"She is still a mortal, with all their limitations and weaknesses."_

Limitations. Right, she couldn't even wield magic beyond the portal building and that had very limited uses. Neither had she the strength or the...

"Focus!" he ordered again, nudging her to attention with another sting of pain.  
She grit her teeth and returned to that place she went to when opening portals, her agitation enhancing the effort.

Loki hissed and uttered a curse that would have made a harbour worker blush. She felt a chill against her hands and opened her eyes, only to see him hurriedly move off the bed and turn away.  
"What...? She must have imagined it. There was no other explantation. "What happened?" For a moment she had thought that his hands had turned blue.  
"Nothing." he said, keeping his back turned. "You lost control, that is all."  
"Did I hurt you? Because..."  
"You did no such thing," he said sternly, returning to the bed. He was tense, tight-lipped and wouldn't look at her as he was speaking. "You could not inflict pain on me if you tried."  
"Well, something happened," she persisted.

"Exactly what did you do?" he demanded. "Explain!"  
She did, trying to convey her strategy of recalling how she felt when accessing her portal building ability.  
"Your ability is born out of a twisted form of glamour magic," he said. "It interfered with my own."  
"What do you mean?"

He finally looked at her, in a way she'd never seen before; a combination of warning and vulnerability. Like a cornered animal ready to strike at the first provokation.  
"I wear a glamour," he said with strained voice. "I would have told you... eventually."  
"A glamour for what?" she asked, feeling something cold uncoiling in her stomach.   
"My true form."


	30. What lies underneath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment of truth does not come easily

She stared at him, not sure what to do with this new information. Something was wrong. There was no doubt a lot she didn't know about the man she loved; he'd never volunteered much, but his whole demanor when adressing this...

"Are you saying that your people take on another form when coming here? To look more like us?"  
His mouth twitched.  
"Not quite. I can assure you Thor is everything he seems to be."  
"But you're not?"  
"I take it he didn't tell you about my heritage?" There was a bitter tone to his voice when uttering the last word, like the taste of it repulsed him.  
"It didn't come up. I think he mentioned once you were adopted, but nothing beyond that."

The bad feeling in her stomach persisted. Something unpleasant was about to be revealed, she could feel it, just couldn't imagine what it would be.

Loki studied his hands, running his fingers over each other.  
"I've been wearing a glamour since I was too young to remember," he said slowly. Appearently it was a form of... innate shapeshifting ability, a way of adapting to my environment."  
"So what are you?"

He delayed with the answer, silence filling the room.  
"I did not know what I was or why I was... different. I only found out shortly before I left Asgard." He leaned back, still fiddling with his hands and avoiding eye contact. "Thor led us into Jotunheim on a foolish quest and one of the creatures who inhabit the realm touched me." He looked lost in thoughts, jaw tense from emotion.  
"And...?" she asked when he didn't continue.  
"My skin turned blue. It reverted back, but I later found out I was one of them. A frost giant."

The way he said "frost giant" was clear enough. It was not something you'd wish to be.

"Appearantly I was the unwanted son of Laufey, their king. He abandoned me to die where Odin found me during a war campaign."  
"Abandoned you to die? As in... when you were a child? That's just... sick."

It wasn't that long ago people would do the same thing in her own world, she was well aware, but it didn't ease her discomfort about it. Or her empathy.

"They are known as a savage people. If you are small or ill-shaped you are not likely to survive long in such a culture. Perhaps he thought it to be a mercy, though in that case it would have made more sense to put me to the sword."

She shuddered, at his matter-of-factly tone as well as at what he was revealing.

"So you were... small? I mean, the term giant indicates..."  
"I was."  
"What about your mother?" she asked.  
"I know nothing of her. Perhaps Laufey's consort at the time. There is little use in speculating. It will not change matters."

He sat up straight and moved closer to where she was sitting, taking her chin in a firm grip between his fingers.  
"Now you know what I am. I will not show you my true form, since I have no desire to sleep in an empty bed tonight. You will simply have to come to terms with it in whatever way you can." He stroke her lower lip with his thumb, challenging her to recoil.  
"Loki... you don't need to get all defensive. I'm not repulsed."  
"You would be if you saw me as I really am."  
"I saw your hands." Blue hands. But still the same beyond the alien color.

He let go of her face.  
"This is not how I had intended to tell you," he admitted, averting his eyes. "Nor had I planned to do it at this time." He sighed. "As said I will not rest alone tonight. You will share my bed whether it pleases you or not."

He made a move to leave but she took hold of his arm before he could get up. If he really wanted to free himself there would be nothing she could do, obviously, but she just needed to get his attention.  
"Don't! You're not leaving me with this."  
He stiffened but stayed in place.  
"Why is this such a problem?" she asked. "You're already from a different world than me, what does it matter if you're from one plan... realm or the other?"  
"Because of what frost giants are," he said with strained patience. "They are known as monsters, savage beasts who burn your skin if they touch you. They have no mercy, no... They will rip you to shreads without a second thought." He leaned forward, pinching the bridge of his nose. His hand was shaking slightly.

"You said once that you wanted my devotion," she reminded him. "Why do you think it would end now, when you tell me this? Is this why it's so hard for me to get through to you? Like you ask me to love you, but you won't accept it."  
"I do... accept it. Perhaps you need to give more thought to what I am before you continue giving it."

Before she could answer he freed himself and walked out. Shortly after she heard the front door slam shut.

_Damn it!_

She had a feeling she'd stumbled on something vital, but had no idea how to unravel it. There were still too many pieces missing, and she was far from sure that Loki would provide them voluntarily.

_"I would have told you... eventually."_

Yeah, like in 25 years, from the sound of it. Not that she _had_ to know. It freaked her out but it didn't change anything; he was obviously the same person now as before, whatever he looked like under the glamour, but there had been so much shame and loathing in his voice when talking about it. It was more than looking different. Some kind of reference frame she didn't have access to.

_What are frost giants, really? And why are they so hated?_


	31. Wounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things have more impact than you'd expect.

He didn't come back until nightfall. She was already in bed, obsessively playing games to keep her mind occupied. They were supposed to leave for Alfheim the next day and he had said they were going to spend the night together, but being left alone for hours like this made her wonder if he was coming back at all. It was plain hurtful to sit and wait, being able to do nothing.

Once she heard the door she stored away the laptop and waited.

_If he doesn't come straight in here I'll kill him._

"I may require your assistance," he said, appearing in the doorway.  
"What...?  
He gingerly walked over the floor and slumped down on the bed, gritting his teeth. There was a cut on his lip and another over his eyebrow and judging from the way he moved...  
"What did you do?" The moment the question slipped out she regretted it. She didn't want to know. Whatever it was it couldn't be anything good, that much was certain.

Not answering he removed some clothes, leaving his upper body bare. Bruises were already beginning to form, and there was a bloody spot near his lower back, that on closer inspection turned out to be a bullet wound.  
"There is something lodged in there," he said in neutral tone. "I need your help removing it."  
"They managed to shoot you?"  
"I had my focus elsewhere," he said defensively. Clearly this was a shot at his pride as much as his body. "It appeared from out of my vision. I do not know what sort of weapon was used."

"Must have been packing a lot of power," she pondered, examining the wound. For something to actually penetrate Loki's skin and go that deep... True, it was an area not protected by armour, but still. A mortal would have been pierced right through, no doubt. "Just how am I supposed to get that out?"  
"I'm sure there is a suitable tool somewhere in the house. If not you will have to use a blade to carve it out."  
Hell no! The thought made her stomach turn.  
"I'll find something. Just wait!"

Appearently their conversation about frost giants and their properties would have to be postponed.

She searched through the kitchen till she found a pair of tweezers and sterilised them.  
"I'm not sure about this," she said when returning to the bedroom.  
"I would take it out myself if I could," he said. "The angle however, makes it somewhat complicated."  
"Yeah..." What little medical training she had didn't cover removing foreign objects from people's insides, and she was more nervous about making a mistake than she wanted to express. Not to mention how gross it would be to poke around under someone else's skin. Yes, she loved his body, but she preferred the outside of it, thank you very much.

She pursed her lips and grasped the tweezers in a firm grip.  
"I have experienced much more serious injuries, love," he assured her. "This is merely a nuisance."

_A nuisance, right. Think of it as removing a splinter. No big deal._

She aimed the tweezers and tried to ignore the painful hiss Loki made as she slid it through the tiny opening in the flesh. Getting a grip on the lodged item was considerably difficult, maintaining it even more so. Halfway out the object slipped and she had to try to catch it again without pushing it back in. It felt like an eternity before she could finally take if out and wipe it off. Whatever it was it didn't look like a regular bullet, but still seemed somewhat familiar.  
"I think I've seen something like this at S.H.I.E.L.D.," she said. "It's a prototype of some kind. High penetration and... I think there was something else to it, I just don't remember what it was."  
"Well, you can discard it," Loki said lightly. The bleeding was minimal and he patched it up himself.

She fiddled with the object, twisting it till it opened.  
"That's it, they're hollow; you can put things inside, like toxins or electronics. There are different versions of them."  
"And which version would this one be?" he said, not sounding overly interested.  
"There is something... but I can't make it out. Maybe with a magnifying glass."  
"You need not bother. It did no harm." He removed the rest of his clothes and settled in under the bed covers, wincing from the movements.  
"I guess there won't be any travelling tomorrow?" she said, leaving the bullet on the night stand.  
"We can delay it for another day, it makes little difference."

She snuggled up to him, almost expecting him to tense up or push her away but he did no such thing.  
"You went back to the tower, didn't you?"  
"Not exactly... but I had a confrontation with your friends."  
"I don't think they consider me a friend at this point..." She sighed, running a hand slowly over the bruised skin on his chest.

He shifted to his side, facing her and pulling her close.  
"I see you're not shying away from me."  
"Did you really think I would? Seriously, I won't pretend to understand what's going on with your... other form, or why it's so important, but..."  
He kissed her, effectively interrupting her speak. With a tight grip he held her in place while invading her mouth with little tenderness. She gasped for air when he finally let her go. 

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers.  
"I could take you now. Would you be able to dispel from your mind what I am? Or will it haunt you? When I'm inside you, will you..."  
"Loki, don't do this!"  
His tone was becoming harsher as he spoke:  
"Will you avert your eyes, hiding how disgusted you really feel? Will you search for ways to end our involvement now so you don't have to share my bed again?"  
"Can you stop thinking about yourself for one minute!" she blurted out. "Have you ever stopped to consider what i struggle with? That I'm not enough? That you will grow tired of me because I'm 'just a mortal'? Tears sprang up in her eyes against her will. "How do I know that you won't discard me as soon as someone else comes along, someone without all the 'weaknesses' and 'limitations'?"

He was quiet, stunned. No, clearly hadn't considered that one.  
"Someone you don't have to hold back with when..." she continued, but stopped herself. It was getting difficult to speak with all the emotions welling up in her throat. And she hadn't planned on showing this much vulnerability.

"Is this what bothers you?" he said after a pause.  
She put a hand over her eyes, hiding the tears.  
"What bothers me is that you get so aggressive and defensive when I have done _nothing to deserve it_! It's like you're _trying_ to push me away! Why?"  
"I am not."  
"Then why are you doing it?" she insisted. "Just once in your life give me a straight answer!"  
He closed his eyes, jaw clenching.  
"You will tell me truthfully you view me no different than you did before knowing what I am?"  
"No, but it doesn't change what I feel about you."

He pulled her close again but didn't relax; it felt like every muscle was taut with tension. She put an arm around his back and rested her face against his neck as she was used to.  
"I've never seen you like this," she said.  
"It's not my intent to push you away. I merely wish you had not found out this way."

She closed her eyes, quietly embracing the feeling of him so close, trying to find the right thing to say. Nothing came to mind.  
"What you said about frost giants," she said eventually. "It sounds nothing like you."  
He huffed, but so softly she barely heard it.  
"You don't know what I am capable of."

_Invading another realm and killing anyone who opposes you? I think I have an idea._

That should have made her question her choices, but she'd already been down that route. No need to go there again.  
"But you're sophisticated, intelligent... You're caring, in your own way."  
His lips brushed over the side of her face.  
"I think few would describe me as _caring_ , darling."


	32. Wake up call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A most unpleasant discovery.

It was quiet in the room. She was comfortable enough but still couldn't sleep. Loki's naked chest was raising and falling against her own, her face cradled against his neck. Truth was, she'd never felt so comfortable before in her life, so relaxed in the middle of the storm that was her world shifting.

Loki was asleep from what she could tell. He had probably been exhausted; it was unusual that he fell asleep before she did.

The issue with the glamour was a hard one to wrap her mind around. He looked and felt as real as ever, it was hard to imagine him being something else underneath. Looking... maybe even feeling different to the touch. She tried to remember if his hands had felt different when they'd turned blue, but couldn't recall. It had been such a brief moment before he'd pulled them away.

She finally dozed off, mind tired from the days events, and only woke when the daylight seeped in through the curtains.  
That was not what called her attention though. Loki was whimpering in his sleep; suffering from another nightmare, appearently. They weren't common, but not exactly rare either, from what she'd seen. They were just... noisy.

She nudged him gently, noticing that he was slightly warmer than usual. Not at level with human temperature, but definitely less cool than she was used to him being. There was also a slick film of sweat over his skin.

He opened his eyes, looking frantic for a moment, only to calm down when awareness sank in. He groaned and dropped his head back on the pillow.  
"Are you alright?" she asked.  
"Why would I not be?"

_Right, let's start the day on a grumpy note._

"You don't look so hot, to be honest."  
Eyes closed again, he seemed to be drifting back to sleep.  
"I am fine."  
She put a hand on his brow. Definitely warmer than normal.  
"Do you have a fever? I didn't think you were susceptible to our germs?"  
"I am not. It is merely a part of the healing process."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Perhaps not," he admitted after a pause. Moving to lie on his back he winced. 

_What the fuck was on that bullet?_

It hadn't opened on impact and there was no powder or liquid inside it, so she had rejected the toxin theory.

Leaving Loki in bed she went to shower and dress before preparing something to eat. On return he was sitting up against the headboard, but only looked marginally better.  
"I have no desire to eat," he said, the look of disgust on his face poorly hidden. He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. She settled in beside him.

"I have to admit," he said suddenly. "You're taking everything amazingly well."  
"Like what?" she asked, unsure what he was referring to.  
"My heritage for one. Your own. Your change of circumstance. You are handling it with a resilience i didn't expect mortals to possess.

_Wow! That's quite an admittance. He must be more ill than I thought._

She almost regretted the sarcasm, even if she didn't speak it out loud. His view of humans might be infuriating, but the words were honest. He didn't deserve to be made fun of.

"I didn't really have much to loose," she said. "Except my sanity."  
"But your wariness persists. Yet, despite your doubts you choose to follow me."  
"It's just... well, you know." She felt embarrassed about what she had revealed last night, in a rather desperate attempt to shake him out of his ranting.

He took her chin between his fingers, turning her face towards him.  
"I will not abandon you for anyone else, love. I will not grow tired of your presence. You need not listen to the likes of Eleree who see a mere mortal and little else."  
"But you thought I was a 'mere mortal' when we met."  
"Only in physical appearance. I knew you were something more." He kissed her on the forehead, then withdrew and stepped out of the bed. He left the room and shortly after she heard the distinct sound of vomiting from the bathroom. She winced.

_We've reached that level of the relationship now, have we?_

She put away the breakfast he hadn't touched and searched through the house for anything resembling a magnifier, examining the content of the bullet more thoroughly. Why would you put electronics inside a bullet? It didn't make sense. She wished she had paid more attention that time at S.H.I.E.L.D.

It took a while for her mind to put things together, then it clicked.  
"Loki?"  
He came out of the bathroom, freshly showered and looking slightly better. And more than slightly distracting since he didn't have any clothes on and a water drop from his hair left a moist trail down his chest. She shook her head and reined her thoughts in.  
"What is it?"  
"This bullet; I think it contains a tracking device. We need to get rid of it."  
He held his hand out and merely glanced at the item before vanishing it into thin air.  
"How did you find out?"  
"I'm not sure I'm right, but I can't think of any other reason why they'd put something electronic inside, and that's what it is. I don't know how your wards work, but..."  
"They are meant to ward off the attention of anyone who passes by, make this dwelling unnoticed by their senses." He went into the bedroom and got dressed. "If something in here attracts their attention, however, it may override them."  
"I don't like this."  
"We had better leave today, after all," he said. "I merely need to assess my condition first. You should start collecting your belongings."

She had barely unpacked since she brought her things here; only some clothing items needed to be gathered and stuffed into her bag. Unfortunately she hadn't refilled her contraceptives either, but a realm that had female scientists must have come up with ways to prevent unwanted... consequenses. She only hoped they would work on humans, or she'd be in trouble within the month.


	33. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it's time to leave and things get tense.

Loki was sitting on the bed when she came in, eyes closed. It looked like he was meditating. It took another full minute before he opened his eyes and moved to stand.  
"What were you doing?" she asked curiously.  
He hesitated like he was searching for a way to explain it.  
"I was using magic to assess the state of my health."  
"Do you know why you got sick?"  
"I cannot tell what brought it about. Perhaps the device did more than merely trace my whereabouts."

She wouldn't put it past S.H.I.E.L.D. to coat the bullet in something, but it would still be hit or miss, not knowing how Loki's body would respond. A longshot if they had hoped to incapacitate him.

"I'm surprised they aren't here yet," she said, more uneasy about the situation by the minute.  
"It is possible they expected me to succumb faster and not having to search far." He seemed positively revolted by such an assault on his person, clearly taking it personally. She didn't like the vindictive look in his eye in that moment, but she could hardly blame him.  
"The tracking device may not have a long range," she agreed. This interpretation made more sense. "It could be that it only emits a signal within a few blocks."

That meant they might still have time to get away without confrontation. Or it might mean someone was watching the house right now. She resisted the urge to peek out the window.  
"Where are your belongings?" he asked and she handed the bag to him. He made it disappear, like he had with the bullet. "I will summon it when you need it's content. We should take our leave."

He lowered the wards and they exited the door cloaked by invisibility.  
"Honestly, Loki..." she said. "Did you go back and attack them because you were pissed at me?" She'd been holding back that question since his return, torn between wanting to know and, hell _not_ wanting to know the answer.  
"I was not 'pissed at you', darling. I have waited long enough to deal with them. I simply didn't want you in the vicinity, lest you be caught in the crossfire."  
"I kind of appreciate that, but..." She didn't get a chance to finish before a sniper bullet whistled past and dug into the wall behind her head. She could feel the air shifting. "Shit!"

Loki pulled her behind him.  
"They cannot see us, love. They are aiming randomly to make us reveal ourselves."  
"That isn't exactly reassuring."

Two more bullets hit the walls, several meters apart. It seemed that Loki's assessment was right. She wondered how their opponents could know that they were coming outside. 

They had taken care to conceal the opening of the door as much as their physical forms. Perhaps they were using whatever Tony had developed for tracking Loki in the tower.

A voice came from somewhere above. A rooftop, probably.  
"We know you are there. Show yourselves or we will shoot till we see blood on the ground. Need I remind you, Loki, that your girlfriend isn't as bulletproof as you are?"

_Oh, I'm reduced to girlfriend now, am I?_

Loki kept moving sideways along the wall, keeping her close behind him. He was not back to normal strength, she noticed with concern; he was still sweating and slightly shaky in his movements.

"You need to be prepared to open a portal when I tell you," he said, intently watching something across the street. She couldn't see a living soul, but she already knew Loki's eyesight was better. Another superior immortal trait, she assumed.

This was all really unnerving.

"Couldn't you have dropped the wards so we could portal from within the house?" It wasn't a good time to question previous choices, but the words jumped out before she could contain them.  
"It takes more than simply dropping them, love. I'd have to deconstruct them all together or they would have interfered with your magic. There is no telling what could have happened."

That felt weird, to have her ability referred to as "her magic".

"This is your last chance!" came the voice again.  
Loki didn't stop moving.  
"They have bullets now that can hurt you too," she reminded him. They were almost at the corner of the building.  
"Not severely," he stated with calm, not taking his eyes of the houses across. "Do it now!"

She turned towards the wall, needing some space to create the portal. As a child she had produced tiny windows between her hands, but at some point she had discovered she could aim the energy a bit in front of her instead, making it possible to build the portals large enough to actually pass through. It had taken her a lot longer to physically accomplish the latter of course, as she'd only been able to master it properly over the last few months. The portals still remained open very briefly once she let go to step through and she wondered if she'd ever be able to stabilize them beyond that.

Now was not the time to experiment, but the thoughts helped her focus, putting her mind off the immediate danger before it could paralyze her with fear. Heart racing she worked as fast as she possibly could.

The opening was not yet at full size when the onslaught started. As bullets began scoring the wall in front of her she felt a hand on her back, pushing hard, and she stumbled through the unfinished portal, struggling to regain her balance and turn around, only to see the rift close like it had never been there. She was alone.  
"Loki!"


	34. Breakout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're separated you need to find a way to be together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts of this chapter was originally meant to be the end of the story. I'm just not ready to let them go yet.

She didn't have the power to create illusions like Loki did, but she could switch locations every few minutes, and that was exactly what she went for. Once she'd got hold of a burner phone it was merely a minute before she found herself in a different part of the city entirely. She was also very careful of letting other people too close in case one of them would be an undercover S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

It was amazing how useful her ability became once she'd switched sides and left the hero ambitions behind.

_Maybe I was born to be a villain. Wouldn't that be hilarious._

It didn't take long to find out that they'd taken him in. Maybe he'd been more weakened by the poison from the shot wound than he'd let on, maybe he'd been too arrogant. She had no way of knowing, but the result was the same. He was in custody.

On the phone with Tony, she asked to talk to Thor.  
"He's in Asgard," came the response.

_No!_

Her heart sank. Painfully.

But Tony continued:  
"I figure he'll be back as soon as that all-seeing Heimdall guy tells him we have his favorite brother in custody down here." 

The way he referred to the Asgardian watchman told her that he still didn't believe that someone could see _everything_. Personally she'd seen so much she was willing to believe in basically anything at this point. If nordic gods and elves and magic were real, who knew what else was possible out there?

"I want to say goodbye to Loki," she stated, modelling her voice to sound sad and resignated.  
"They won't let you anywhere near him."

_They?_

"So S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't trust you to sit on him till Thor comes?"  
"We don't have anywhere to contain him, and I don't seem to be high on their list of trusted people." It sounded almost like Tony was proud of the fact.  
"They probably know you've hacked into their files on a couple of occasions," she said drily. "I wouldn't trust you either. If I were them, I mean."  
"They will arrest you on sight," Tony said, voice taking on a serious tone. "If you show up there don't expect to get to see him, no matter what they promise you to make you come in."  
"I know. I just... I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. It went down so fast."

She didn't dare linger any longer. Turning off the phone she tossed it and opened another portal to a new location.

Of course S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't let her see Loki. She had no intention of walking in there and ask.

She knew where the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. facility was however, and it was more than likely there was where Loki was kept. It was officially an office building, but she'd been there more than once, and there were underground levels. Including a containment unit.

She could be wrong, but there was no reason she could think of why they would move him further away.

She had little time to act and there was only one way to do this. Closing her eyes she went over everything she remembered on the building.

* * *

That warning voice in her head.

_I'm going with the wrong side here._

No, this went beyond taking sides. It wasn't the time to fall back into old patterns.

_Sometimes it's not about right and wrong, but about making your own choices._

She couldn't portal straight to his cell. She needed to know exactly where it was for that to be possible, and the confinement area was not exactly wellknown territory.

She made her way through the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility shamelessly using what she'd learned during her training. Stealth, deception, taking shortcuts with her portal ability whenever the surroundings where familiar enough for her to do so. 

She hadn't taken the time to change her appearance in any significant way, so they would more than likely recognize her sooner or later, cameras set up all over the place. It was all about moving fast and staying one step ahead. And not thinking too much.

She miscalculated at one point and had to double back before being seen, but eventually reached the restricted area and hurried to find his cell. She was convinced she'd tripped a dozen of silent alarms by now.

If Loki was surprised to see her he didn't show it. He simply turned around and smiled slightly when she appeared. He looked tired, but otherwise unharmed.  
"How could you let them take you down?" she scolded. "You're supposed to be a god."  
He smile turned broader.  
"I love you too, darling." 

She walked up to him, taking his hands in hers, wanting to feel him.  
"Thor may show up any moment. He's been in Asgard till now. You know what to expect?"  
"Imprisonment in the dungeons," he said dismissively. "Or more likely..."  
"Execution," she filled in. "That's what I understood. Thor said it probably won't come to that..."  
Loki huffed.  
"He's a fool."  
"None of those options sound appealing." She turned towards an empty corner of the cell. Somewhere outside an alarm was going off.  
"You will have to come with me now," he said softly behind her back. "They will find a way to block your power if they detain you."  
"You don't think I know that?" The energy began to sparkle between her hands, concentrating into a narrow crack in the air in front of them. 

The portal took less than a minute to form, a lot faster than it had that first time Loki had supported her training months ago. "This goes to a place outside the city, it should give enough of a head start." He stepped up by her side. The portal reached it's full size just as the door flung open and several agents entered, armed with heavy weapons.  
"Go!"

He slipped through the opening, graceful like a cat, and she waited impatiently till he was safely on the other side. Then she dropped her hands, took a step forward and leaped. The walls of the cell disappeared behind her and there was nothing but empty air and landscape to be seen. Loki was waiting, a pleased look on his face.  
"Magnificient as always, darling." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek, lingering for just a moment in the contact. They started walking while he weaved an illusion of invisibility around them. "We have some travelling to do, but I fear we won't reach the passageway today. I sense that you are tired, and I need some recovering as well. We will spend one more night in this realm."

It was true. She had never used her portal ability so many times in such short succession as today and she only now allowed herself to recognize how drained she felt. And the mental stress on top of that. She could have collapsed right then and there had it been an option.

The situation felt surreal. She had just busted someone out of a SHIELD facility. If she'd thought she'd burned bridges before... She was still amazed that the whole plan had succeeded. It would have been impossible without her power, obviously, but she still had only 70 % succes rate when aiming her portal and there were large parts of the building she'd had to avoid because she didn't know them well enough to try to land there.

She had had to incapacitate an agent who'd gotten in her way, but she had managed to avoid killing anyone, or getting caught, and that was a feat in itself. Things could have gone a lot worse.

"Do not dwell on it," Loki said, as if he'd been reading her thoughts. "The outcome is all that matters."  
"Easy for you to say. I don't have centuries of experience with this kind of thing."  
"The only time you should dwell on past battles is when analyzing them to improve your strategy," he said wisely.

She couldn't disagree with that.


	35. The mortal and the monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding shelter for the night, and it leaves something to be desired.

They found a cheap motel to stay in for the night. Loki wrinkled his nose at the room, but the place was inconspicous enough and they were both too tired to look for something better.  
"This is the best place if we're to stay off the radar," she explained. "They never pay much attention to the guests, especially a man and a woman. Besides," she added. "S.H.I.E.L.D. are probably monitoring my bank card activity so I don't want to use it unless we absolutely have to."  
"It will do," he said with restraint. "Though the malodour leaves something to be desired."  
"Probably mold," she said lightly. "Or a dead body hidden under the floor. Did you notice the bullet hole in the ceiling?"  
"I did. You mortals are peculiar beings."  
"You don't know the half of it."

She carefully removed the spread from the bed, touching it as little as possible. The sheets looked clean though. She would take her chances with them.

Loki held up something dustcovered and unidentifiable he'd found between the bed and the wall.  
"They don't clean dwellings like this?"  
"Not very thoroughly. You only have yourself to blame if you look too closely."

He discarded whatever it was in the waste basket and went to wash his hands.

That's when the noise started.  
"What in Hel's name...?"  
"Yeah... about that," she said, blushing slightly. "The walls are usually pretty thin and people tend to use these motels as... love nests."  
Loki looked with disbelief at the offending wall.  
"People know this... and they do not care?"  
She shrugged, trying to act relaxed about it. Not an easy task as the sounds behind the wall seemed to escalate.  
"Some are probably turned on by strangers listening... I guess they just don't care."  
Loki shook his head.  
"I will cast a silence spell over this room before we go to bed. This is unacceptable."

Raised in a palace, alright. Whatever rough experiences Loki had been through he was still a prince to his fingertips.

He sat on the bed, removing his clothes to reveal the pale skin and lean muscles of his upper body. The bruises from last night were already fading.  
"How's the wound?" she asked, settling in beside him. He removed the bandage so she could take a look. It seemed to be closing well enough. She put a hand on his skin.  
"You're still warmer than normal," she noticed. "Did you get hit by anything when they started shooting at the garden?"  
"Nothing serious," he said dismissively, avoiding her gaze.  
"Really?" She cocked an eyebrow.

He vanished his pants as well and revealed a similar wound on his thigh. It didn't seem as deep as the previous one, just messier.  
"The projectile has been removed. They were less gentle than you were, darling."

Before she could say anything he placed a hand on the back of her neck and kissed her yearningly. His other hand went to her waist. He forced her down on her back and moved to cover her with his body.

She realised he was diverting her from asking questions and worrying, but there wasn't much she could do about it.

_Why should I worry? He's a grown man; he can take care of himself._

_No, he can't. He'd be back in Asgard getting his ass whipped if it wasn't for me._

_Seems like I'm good for something after all._

It was a rewarding thought.

He kept sucking at her lip and invading her mouth with an insistant tongue, his arousal growing against her thigh. He used his knee to urge her legs apart and slid a hand in under her backside. Her clothes vanished, giving them full skin contact.  
"Loki..." she gasped when he let go of her mouth. "That silence spell..."  
"Ah... yes." He made some complex finger movement and continued pressing himself against her body, nibbling at her neck. Their neighbors had grown silent, but damn if she was going to provide them with entertainment in return.

He slid his fingers between her folds while his mouth moved down to her breasts, licking teasingly at a nipple. She shivered. He pushed two fingers through her entrance, slowly moving deeper as the pressure from his tongue hardened and he rubbed it insistantly against the sensitive spot.  
"You are mine," he sighed. Pulling his fingers out he moved her further up on the bed and looked at her with hooded eyes, a devilish, lustful smile playing at his lips. "This is your last night before leaving this realm. I will make you desire what I give you so much you will never wish to turn back." He closed his eyes as he entered her, folding her knee over his arm to reach deeper.

Another deep sigh escaped him as he began to move, pushing against her sweet spot with every thrust. It was becoming unbearable quickly as he picked up speed, pushing into her more forcefully. He attached his mouth to her neck and she squirmed when he began lapping at an especially sensitive spot under her ear.  
"Loki, please..."  
"Yes, say my name. Beg me!"

This was humiliating, but that's why it was so arousing.  
"Please, Loki... Let me..."  
"Not yet, darling," he whispered in her ear. "Not yet." He eased the pressure, making her whimper in protest, then grasped her wrists and held them down against the bed. She struggled, knowing full well it was futile. He smiled, moistening his lips.  
"This is where you belong. Submitting to me." He pushed into her again, harder than before, angling his hips for enough stimulation to keep her wanting. "And I will fill you... with my seed... whenever I so please."

She winced at the onslaught, but it heightened her pleasure more than she'd ever want to admit. His eyes were completely dark, watching her intensely, paying attention to every reaction his words and movements ellicited in her.  
"You cannot hide anything from me. I am your god... and this... is how you worship me."

She begged, whimpering his name, and he finally, _finally_ , locked her wrists in one hand while moving the other to his mouth, licking at his fingers and sliding them in between their bodies. It didn't take much, and once she cried out and clenched around him he groaned, clenching his teeth, and kept thrusting vigorously as he emptied himself inside her.

He moved to the side, not dropping his entire weight on her when finally letting go. He was shivering from the strain, like the fever was finally catching up with him after keeping it together throughout the day. His arm was embracing her, their legs still entangled.

"I hope that spell worked," she said, catching her breath.  
"It did. I have no intention of making us a source of entertainment to every lowly mortal in this pathetic excuse for a lodging."

She snorted at the mental image.  
"I love you."

She was getting cold, but they were lying on top of the covers and it was too much effort to move. She felt so incredibly tired, and she didn't want to let go of Loki even for a second. She had been so close to loosing him. That moment when she'd thought he'd already been brought to Asgard...

He mumbled something, mouth and nose burrowed into the side of her neck.  
"What?"  
"Just look at us," he said lazily. "The mortal and the monster."  
She tensed.  
"You're not a monster, Loki. Don't do that to yourself."  
He smiled, eyes still closed.  
"Many would disagree."

She winced at the casualness he displayed when saying such things. She cupped his cheek, to which he responded with a pleased purr. He looked like he was right on the brink of falling asleep.  
"I love you, you know. No matter what you are, or what you've done. Can you believe that? Can you believe me when I say that?"  
"I do believe you, darling." He ran his fingers over the back of her hand. "You have done more than enough to prove your devotion to me."

He finally moved, disentangled himself enough to shift the bedcovers and settle in under them with her, once again, in an intimate embrace.

"We forgot to eat," she realised suddenly.  
"It can wait."

Her stomach was protesting at that, but the closeness was too pleasant, sleep too alluring and she ended up just ignoring it. There would be another day tomorrow.


	36. A new world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When time comes to leave the old behind and discover something new.

She woke up with a hard-on pressed against her belly and the sound of something small scurrying away through the room.

_Mice?_

She hoped they hadn't touched the food.

"Loki?" she prodded as she began disentangling herself from his arms.  
"Mm-hm." He stopped her and pulled her close again, rolling over to lie on top of her.  
"No, don't. I'm starving here. I've got to eat something." She struggled to get out from under him, which only seemed to incite him further. "I'm serious. I don't even remember when I last had anything in my mouth."  
"Now _that_..."  
"I swear to God, if you don't get off me this instant..."

There was a knock on the door.

She froze at first, then reason caught up. S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't knock; they would mow the door down. They decided to ignore it, but the knocking wouldn't stop. With a sigh she threw yesterday's clothes on and went to open.

There was a young girl outside, with ruby-colored hair, who seemed unable to stop biting her nails.  
"Got any cigs?" she asked.  
"Eh... no, sorry." She made an attempt to close the door but the girl persisted.  
"Got anything else?"  
"No, sorry, we don't use."

_The only drug I need right now is food, and lots of it._

The girl tried to peek in and got a look at Loki who was unpacking their food, only wearing his leather pants. Her face lit up.  
"Hi baby, want a good time?"  
"I have a perfectly good time, thank you," he said in an icy tone.  
"Aww... You sure?"  
Loki gave her a look that would have had most people run for their lives. The girl just shrugged her shoulders and wandered off.

"Lord!" She closed the door and went to get her belated breakfast.  
"Is this normal?" Loki asked.  
"Probably. I haven't spent an excessive amount of time in places like this, but I don't think that was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent if that's what you're asking."  
"Let's hope not."

They ate quietly and managed to get a shower in before packing up and getting ready to leave.

On the way out they saw the same ruby-haired girl talking to two men in black suits.  
"I'm probably paranoid, but let's leave through the back."  
"I believe that to be wise," Loki agreed, dropping another invisibility spell over them.

"I sure hope they have better accomodation where we're going," she said once they were safely out on the street.  
"They do, I can assure you. This wretched place should be torched to the ground."

* * *

The green stone was hanging from it's chain around her neck, moving in pace with her steps, gently touching her skin. A reminder she was never alone. It was the first thing he had ever given her and, though she hadn't known it's purpose, it had fascinated her from the start.

In a way she envied Loki who could use this way to have access to her feelings while hiding his own.

"So this is Alfheim?" she asked, taking in the scene ahead. On first glance it didn't look that different from Earth. Just with more nature. Then she started noticing details. Certain trees being differently shaped, or differently colored. Buildings far away, with architecture that looked foreign to her Midgardian eyes.  
"It is," Loki confirmed. "We will have a place to stay here, and there are certain people I trust to keep our secret safe."  
"For how long?" she couldn't resist asking. How long until somebody would recognize Loki and word would spread to Asgard?  
"Long enough, I hope." He caressed her arm and started walking again, moving easily over the sloping, uneven ground.

Using disguises once approaching populated areas they eventually arrived at a house, melting into the nature around it so completely that she didn't even detect it until they were close by.  
"Elves tend to create dwellings in harmony with nature," he explained, as if reading her thoughts. "As opposed to many other people who make space for their constructions by removing the features of nature first."

They entered the house, and Loki immediately started creating wards in and around it. He was very thorough, from what she could tell, and immensely focused.  
"There were some in place already," he explained. "I will make sure we are properly protected before we do anything else."

There wasn't any way she could contribute so she explored the house, which seemed to be more or less ready to live in. There was a comfortable bed, furnishing and food, even if most of it looked a bit different from what she was used to. Meat, bread, vegetables, and there were fruit trees growing behind the house. They wouldn't starve, that much was certain.

She should have freaked out from being in a foreign world, but it wasn't more different than she could handle it for now. And over time... yes, she could probably get used to it.

While she was in the garden Loki came to see her, appearantly done with his magical endeavors.  
"I will send a message to Eleree that we have arrived," he said. "The sooner she knows the better."

He looked strained, but before she could ask or say anything he had left again.

He wasn't long gone, however, and came back to drop into a chair in what could to be a living room, letting out a long sigh.  
"Are you alright?" she asked, leaning on the backrest.  
"I will be, once everything is taken care of." 

She brushed a hand against his cheek and he leaned in to it, closing his eyes. It was still unusual to see him so openly accepting affection. 

"Come here, love."  
She moved to sit next to him, more or less in his lap, and he held her close, their faces touching.  
"You should be safe here," he said softly.  
"You too, I hope?"  
He smiled slightly.  
"I know how to protect myself well enough, but we need a dwelling where we can retreat and simply be, without worries. This should be it, for now."


	37. Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things have bigger impact than they seemed at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music suggestion: "My immortal" - Evanescence

It was about an hour later that Eleree arrived to see them.

They had almost dozed off in the meantime, relaxing together in the chair, but once Loki's wards told him someone was coming he got to his feet.

"So... here you are," the elf woman said as she eyed them both. "I take it the trip went well?"  
"There were no major problems," Loki answered dismissively.

_Damn, he's a good liar. I would have believed that if I hadn't been there._

"Very well, I have looked into the possibilities and worked out a plan," the elf woman said. "Some of it can be done here, in private, but she will have to come in for certain steps of the process."

Words like "plan" and "process" made her feel like a lab rat. Just what were they going to do to her?

"As long as nobody knows she's associated with me," Loki said.  
"They will no doubt pay attention to the fact that she is a mortal. That is unavoidable. I will try to do this at a time when it is less likely for others to be present, but I cannot guarantee nobody will see her. However..."

That's when Loki dropped.Without any warning his legs folded and his eyes fluttered shut. The only sound he made was the one of his body hitting the floor. 

They simply stared at him lying there for a second, unable to process what was happening. Then they both came into action at once.

She checked his pulse while Eleree looked under his eyelids and examined his fingernails.  
"Has he been injured?" the elf asked.  
"Not much. He was shot with a... a kind of projectile. It didn't go deep but we think it was infected with something. He's been sick ever since."  
"Hmm..." Eleree placed a hand on his skin. "He's cold."  
"That's normal for him. He's actually warmer than normal now."  
Eleree gave her a curious look, then she seemed to remember.  
"Of course. I had forgotten about that peculiarity."

Appearantly Eleree was unaware of Loki's heritage, and she suspected he might want to keep it that way so she didn't say anything.

"He was getting better," she said helplessly. Or was he? Maybe he'd just been keeping up appearances. It wouldn't surprise her one bit, come to think about it. "Is there anything you can do?"  
"I'm not a healer," the elf woman said, seemingly pondering the options.  
"Do you know anyone who is?"  
"Perhaps. Few are aware that he is here, however. I will need to find someone who will not spread the word further."

They managed to move Loki to the bed, somewhat ungracefully. He was not exactly easy to handle when incapacitated.

"He's seems in no immediate danger for now," Eleree said. "I will be back as soon as I can." And she was gone.

It was weird and disturbing to see him passed out, lifeless, like this. She ended up lying down on the bed with an arm around him, trying to find comfort in his even breathing.  
"We've come so far," she whispered. "You can't just leave me like this."  
She stroke his cheek with the back of her fingers, hoping to evoke a reaction, but there was none.

He was still unconscious when Eleree came back, accompanied by another elf woman. One with glittering eyes, short brown hair and a cheerful disposition.  
"And this would be prince Loki's mortal paramour?" she asked once she came through the door.

Well, at least "paramour" sounded better than "dalliance".

"This is Vaana," Eleree explained. "She is a healer, and she will not reveal to anyone that you are here."  
"Of course not," Vaana said. "Where is my darling?"

_Darling?_

"I will show you", Eleree said and led the way.

_First day here and we run into some elf woman he has a past with? This better not be a problem._

They entered the bedroom where Loki was lying. He hadn't moved.

Vaana looked him over briefly, then brought out a small, flat device and held it in front of his eye. She swept her thumb over it and did the same with the other. Putting it down she checked his pulse and looked at his fingernails like Eleree had done earlier.

Reaching for the device again she studied it, occasionally sweeping over it with a finger.  
"There is some foreign substance infecting his body," she concluded. "How long has he been sick?"  
"Two days. Midgardian days," she corrected herself. Who knew how long the days were in this realm?  
"Has he been vomiting?"  
"Once, that I know of. And he's had a fever. It's not obvious, because..."  
"He's a bit colder, I know."

_She seems to know an awful lot. Just how intimate were they?_

She brought out a vial and took a blood sample. Eleree accepted it from her and went to sit by the window where she'd placed a few items that were too foreign to identify.  
"She will analyze it," Vaana explained helpfully. "We need to know what the substance is that is poisoning him."  
"I see. Thank you."

Vaana thoughtfully ran her fingers through Loki's hair in a carressing gesture.  
"He looks so different," she said. "Is it true that he tried to conquer Midgard?"  
"Yes, he did. He didn't succeed though."

Vaana leaned forward, her elbows on her knees while supporting her chin with her thumbs.  
"I wonder why he thought the Allfather would allow it."

They were quiet for a while. She wanted to ask the elf woman questions, but didn't know where to start. Eleree worked in silence.

Then Vaana smiled, a mischievous glimmer in her eye.  
"He was the first one I kissed," she said.  
"Oh, really."

That was a little more information than she wanted to hear.

"We were _very_ young," the healer said reassuringly. "We were both angry with our parents and decided the best and most efficient way to upset them would be if we kissed. So we did. Not that we ever told them about it, of course.

Yes, that sounded young indeed. Her jealousy dropped considerably.  
"But you still care about him," she said, looking at the elf woman.  
"I always enjoyed myself in prince Loki's company. He was so different from the other Asgardians. Did you ever meet his brother? Norns, he's such a...."  
"Vaana!" came Eleree's reprimanding voice from the window. "That is no appropriate way to speak of Asgard's royal family. You know better."

Vaana rolled her eyes but didn't continue. Instead she leaned forward to whisper:  
"She's afraid of Heimdall."

Heimdall. Of course. Loki had assured her time and time again that he kept them hidden from the all-seeing watchman, but she wondered how that worked now. Did such protection hold up when he was unconscious? When other people were talking about him? She had no idea and that scared her. The last thing they needed now was for Asgard's forces to take advantage of the situation and come marching in here to retrieve him.

Something told her it would be a lot more challenging to break him out of an Asgardian prison than a S.H.I.E.L.D. one.


	38. Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When there are more questions than answers.

Eleree stood and started packing up her things.  
"I can not make sense of this. I need to bring it back to the laboratory, where there is better equipment."

She left, but Vaana remained.  
"Is there nothing you can do?" she asked helplessly as the healer stayed seated, watching Loki's sleeping form.  
"Not until we know what the poison consists of. Then we can formulate an antidote."  
"And till then? What do we do?"  
"We wait, and make sure he doesn't get worse."  
"And if he does?" She couldn't keep herself from asking, though she might not want to hear the answer.

Vaana looked at her, calmly, assuredly.  
"Then I will put him in a state which slows down his life functions until we can treat him."  
"Like a medical coma?"  
"I'm not familiar with your Midgardian terms, but from the sound of it... yes."

_Damn it! Why did this have to happen? Why did he have to go back to... ? Fucking S.H.I.E.L.D.! If they kill him I'm gonna kill them!_

"We should remove his clothes," Vaana said. "I would like to take a look at that wound, if it's still visible."

It felt somewhat awkward but they managed to undress him and the healer examined the two shot wounds, the first one almost completely closed by now.  
"They're healing well enough; there is no sign of infection," she concluded. "And he wouldn't be susceptible to natural Midgardian bacteria in any case."  
"That's what he's been telling me."  
"That's because your microorganisms never evolved that way," Vaana explained. "You should probably have some protection, however. As a mortal you will be vulnerable to a lot of ours."

Ugh. She hadn't realized that.

"I can help you with that if you wish," the healer said. "I can put together a mixture to take the edge of most ailments that would befall you when you're here. You will be no more susceptible than anyone else."  
"That... that would be much appreciated. Thank you."

Insecurities aside, she was beginning to _like_ this girl. Vaana was kind and funny, and she cared about Loki as much as she did herself. And a kiss in... what? the equivalent of early teens?... was hardly anything to worry about. She was starting to relax a bit.

She made them both something light to eat and they continued sitting watch as the night fell outside.

"I can't comprehend how much he has changed," Vaana said. "He was always so well-groomed, so attentive to his appearance." The healer let a lock of Loki's long, unkempt hair slide between her fingers.  
"You don't say." She watched the elf woman, realising there was an opportunity here. "Do you know why he left Asgard?"  
"There are rumours. We were isolated from Asgard for a while, then they rebuilt the bifrost and we started hearing things." Vaana hesitated, seemingly to think. "Appearantly prince Thor was banished for starting a war with the frost giants. When he came back he and Loki were fighting over something and the bridge broke. Some say Thor broke it with his hammer; I don't know if that part is true."  
"Really? I didn't know that."

Thor had never said anything about how or why the bifrost broke, or even when it had happened, only that he couldn't go back to Asgard until it was repaired.

"Then Loki fell," Vaana said. "From the bridge. Everyone thought he was gone."  
"As in dead?"  
"Yes. You don't... Normally you don't survive such a thing."

Good grief! For whatever reason Loki had omitted mentioning that rather important detail.

"How _did_ he survive?"  
Vaana shook her head.  
"I do not know. He turned up on Midgard a while later, but nobody seems to know what happened or where he was in between. There are some speculations, but nothing that seems plausible."

She pondered the new information. It wasn't much, but...  
"Why were they fighting?" she asked.  
"I don't know that either." Vaana shrugged. "Brothers fight. I know; I have three of them."  
"That's... quite a lot."  
"It is. They can't be in the same room without one of them starting something. And they are _adults_!"

Loki groaned, drawing their attention. He was lying on his side but stirred, like he wanted to turn over.  
"Loki?"  
His eyes fell on her, somewhat unfocused. Then they flickered to Vaana who was leaning in from the other side.  
"What... in Hel's name are you doing here?"  
Vaana smiled widely.  
"I'm glad to see you too. Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?"  
He groaned again, looking like he wanted to pull the pillow over his head. His eyes fluttered shut, but his laboured breathing indicated he was still awake.

That's when Eleree returned, calm and collected as ever.  
"There are so many anomalies in his blood I don't know what to make of it," she said. "I've managed to isolate the components likely to be responsible for his condition, however."  
"Did you succeed in constructing an antidote?" Vaana asked.  
"A crude one; there was little time to perfect it."  
"Let us hope that is enough."

Loki moaned a protest as the healer injected the content of a vial into his lower back. It didn't look pleasant.  
"He really should be brought to a proper healer's room," Eleree said.  
"If this doesn't work we may have to," Vaana answered, pulling the covers back up.

Eleree went to fetch a glass of water, pushing it into her hand.  
"Try to make him drink something. Don't take no for an answer."  
"I am not a _child_ ," Loki complained. "I don't need..."  
She did get him to take a sip, but he was too weak and shaky to hold his head up for long, and not keen on accepting help.  
"I don't need a room full of women _fussing_ over me," he hissed in frustration.  
"Should I send for your mother?" Eleree said pointedly. "That can be arranged."  
He made a face and closed his eyes again. Sweat was pearling over his skin.

"The poison was a combination of organic and non-organic components," Eleree said. "It was created, not natural."  
"S.H.I.E.L.D. does all kinds of research," she answered, feeling the unspoken question. "I don't think it was made with him in mind in the first place; they probably just took a chance with it."  
"I am not aware of the state of Midgardian science, but these things are not to be trifled with. You don't release an unknown compound into a person's body when you have no knowledge of how it will respond." 

Eleree's voice was stern and she felt like she was recieving a scolding. An undeserved one too. She had had nothing to do with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s research department; her only goal had been to become an avenger. Unless that associated her with them by default. With their methods. Research for military purposes, which meant weapons based on the tesseract, toxins for chemical warfare... 

The lines were becoming increasingly blurry. It wasn't at all about right or wrong anymore, only about methods. What you were prepared to do. And what parts of yourself you were willing to sacrifice.

Maybe her choices hadn't been so blatantly "wrong" as she'd once thought.


	39. Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just have to accept the help, however awkward it feels.

Loki slipped back into sleep, or perhaps unconsciousness, she didn't know which. Eleree left, Vaana stayed, checking on Loki's expected improvement every half hour.

"How long until we know anything?" she asked.  
"It's difficult to predict," Vaana answered. "We should see improvement by morning at the very latest. There is a form of healing magic I could try to hurry the process, but it's rather volatile so I prefer not do it here."  
"If we bring him to a... a 'healing room', won't people find out?"  
"There will be other people there, yes. They may recognize him and send word to Asgard." The healer looked at her. "It may be a risk we have to take."

Vaana suggested she'd try to sleep. There was space enough on the bed so she didn't need to leave the room. The elf woman seemed unaffected by the fact that it was late into the night. Loki had once mentioned that he could go days without sleep and not experience any adverse effects. She wondered if it was the same way with elves.

At least Vaana didn't make any comments about Midgardian weaknesses.

"It's hard to imagine Loki having a mother," she said, trying to find a comfortable position to come to rest in.  
"Eleree has known queen Frigga for many centuries," Vaana said. "She's not happy about keeping this a secret, especially now."  
"Do you think she might tell?" she asked, feeling a sudden twinge of fear.  
"He made her promise not to. Not unless his life depends on it."

_And it may still come to that. If that remedy doesn't work..._

She finally drifted off to sleep, a hand on Loki's arm as it rested next to her.

* * *

Her sleep was restless, with disturbing dreams, but she couldn't remember them when waking up. 

As she opened her eyes she found Loki's face close to hers. He was asleep, but had clearly moved at some point, and his skin felt like it was back to normal temperature. She traced his features with her fingers, thinking about the glamour.

_You were always different, weren't you? Just like me._

What made a person turn into a villain? she wondered. "What made you decide to step away from the rules other people had agreed on and make your own?

_When those rules never served you in the first place?_

She didn't own the world anything. Maybe Loki felt the same way.

She'd never intended to step off the righteous path; she'd been pushed off it, little by little. Much because of Loki's actions, but in all the important turns of events she had made her own decisions. She could have refused to sleep with him back when he'd shown up in the tower. She could have walked away when he was captured. She could have given up the gifts instead of keeping them.

There was so much she could have done differently. If she'd really wanted to.

Sounds were coming from the kitchen, mixed with voices. Eleree must be back.

He suddenly opened his eyes and looked at her.  
"How are you feeling?" she asked.  
"Not... the greatest I've ever felt, I must admit." He made a face as he shifted position. "How long... How long was I...?"  
"Since yesterday afternoon. You were awake for a bit in the evening: don't know if you remember."  
He looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth.  
"I have a quite distinct memory of Vaana being here. Does half of Alfheim know our whereabouts by now?"  
"Only Vaana, because we needed a healer. You were... you just fell down and wouldn't wake up. We had to do something."  
He rubbed a hand over his eyes.  
"That was unfortunate."  
She had a distinct feeling that "unfortunate" meant "embarrassing" in this context.

"I also seem to remember," he said, "that Eleree threatened to send for my mother. Please tell me she did not."  
"She didn't," she assured him. Something else came to mind and she lowered her voice. "They don't know about your heritage, do they?"  
He stiffened.  
"They do not."  
"I didn't tell them, but I wonder if I should have. Eleree said there was something strange with your blood. If they'd known maybe they would have found an antidote sooner. Maybe if I..."  
"No," he said, raising himself up to lean on an elbow, face serious. "They didn't need to know, I assure you. It would not have made a difference."  
She couldn't tell if he was just trying to make her feel better or genuinely meant what he was saying, but there was no way to find out. At least she'd done the right thing in his eyes, and he was clearly recovering. That should be enough.

"You are feeling better, aren't you?" She touched a hand to his face and he turned to press his lips against her palm.  
"I'm doing much better, love. I sense you worried..."  
"Well, that is good to hear," came Eleree's voice from the door. "Now perhaps you will stop frequenting Hel's doorstep long enough for the people around you to have some peace?"  
Vaana showed up behind her, cheerfully smiling with no trace of having been up all night.  
"Hi darling," she waved.

Loki made an effort to sit up.  
"I was hardly in Hel," he groaned, modestly arranging the covers around his hips.  
"Not far from it," Eleree shot back before disappearing again.

Vaana wanted to examine him, which was code for asking intrusive questions. Loki was not amused, but he tolerated it. She could tell from their interaction that they indeed knew each other well, but there was no sign of attraction or tension of the kind previous involvement might cause. They just seemed to have been friends for a very long time.

He was even less pleased when she had to help him clean up and wash his hair, because he was too shaky to do it on his own.  
"This is mortifying," he sighed when they were alone in the bathroom.  
"Didn't you tell me you've sustained injuries before? Someone must have helped you then."  
"Those were injuries from battle, not some crude poison concocted by _mortals_."  
"Right, because we mortals are so inferior." She threaded her fingers through his hair to lather it properly.  
"Succumbing to poison is an inferior way to perish," he said. "There is little honour in it."  
"Good thing you lived then," she said cheekily. "I'm still rather amazed that _anything_ can affect you that much."  
He smiled, but so briefly she almost missed it.  
"I didn't expect it either," he admitted after a few moment's silence. "I was convinced I would heal by myself, that I wouldn't be brought to my knees by... something like this."

She nudged him to tilt his head backwards, so she could rinse the lather out. She enjoyed handling his hair. There was something intimate, yet so innocent about it. Something caring and comforting. Deep down she suspected he enjoyed it too, he just wasn't willing to admit it.  
"Don't you ever feel that you _want_ to be taken care of?" she blurted out. "You're so in control all the time..."  
"It's not something I can afford under normal circumstances," he muttered, susprisingly honest. "Weakness is not a valued trait in Asgard, or anywhere else for that matter."  
"So being taken care of is a 'weakness'..." she pondered. "I barely know anything about Asgard, but it sounds quite... patriarchal." Not too different from her own world, admittedly, but she got the feeling Asgard was one step worse.

"So if you could afford it, would you want it?" she asked, getting a piece of cloth that was the closest fit to a towel she could find.  
He delayed with the answer.  
"Perhaps," he said finally. The way he pursed his lips gave away that the subject was uncomfortable, so she didn't push it. She just helped him dry off and get dressed.


	40. Riding lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learning to get around in the new realm... and some more revelations.

Loki wasn't a patient teacher. She already knew that from their attempts at harnessing her magic. It was no different with riding, but that was a lot easier to figure out than searching for something she could barely feel.

"I know how to get on a horse," she said. "I sat on one once; it just refused to move."  
"And why was that, I wonder."  
"It was a horse with an attitude."  
Loki smirked as he handed her the reins.  
"That should have suited you perfectly."  
She snorted.  
"Look who's talking. I've never met a person in my life who had more attitude than you."  
"That's why you love me, darling." He sat up on his own horse and showed her how to use her thighs to move forward. All his movements indicated that he'd been doing this for centuries, probably since childhood, while she felt like she was about to embarrass herself any moment.

_As long as I don't fall off. It can't get any worse than that._

She managed to get the horse to walk. It seemed mild-mannered enough but she didn't trust Loki to pick out a genuinely docile animal, so she didn't dare relax completely.  
"Where are we going again?"  
"Not far. I merely want you to have a feeling for it." He reached out to correct her way of holding the reins. ". And I wish not to run into people if we can avoid it. "

They followed a trail through a lightly forested area. She saw more of the foreign vegetation she'd noticed the day they arrived.  
"Is this the normal way to get around in this realm, or do they have other means as well?" She wondered if it was a silly question, but he answered like it was normal and expected.  
"There are other ways, but not like on Midgard. Technology here is different. Just like with buildings nature is integrated, not discarded."  
"I take it their energy sources are environmentally friendly too."  
"Their main source of energy is light," he said simply.

"Is Asgard anything like this?" she asked after a while. "Or is it totally different?"  
"In some ways, yes. Not in others. You would find more similarities between Alfheim and Asgard than between Asgard and Midgard."

She finally brought up the subject she'd been hesitant to approach.  
"Vaana told me how you left Asgard," she said, waiting for his reaction.  
"And what did she say?" There was no emotion in his voice.  
"That you... fell from the Bifrost when it broke."  
Loki seemed to tense slightly, but showed no other sign that the topic affected him.  
"That is a way to describe it."  
She wasn't sure what to make of that answer.  
"How did you survive?"  
His jaw tightened.  
"I found myself in a world far away from here, and those who found me thought me being more useful alive than dead. It's not an experience I care much to talk about." He reached out again, adjusting her position.  
"I see."

They continued during silence, then he spoke, without looking at her:  
"Did she also tell you why the Bifrost broke? That Thor shattered it to stop me from using it to destroy another realm?"  
"No..."  
"Or that we both fell, but Thor was pulled back up?"  
"What do you mean?"  
Loki smiled stiffly.  
"I realized in that moment I would never be anything but the Allfather's disappointment. No matter what I did, it would not make a difference."  
"And...?"  
He finally looked at her.  
"I let myself fall."  
She didn't know what to say at first, then what he was really saying started to sink in.

"Oh, by the way," he added. "I also betrayed and killed my birth father. Let's not omit any details."  
"Loki..."  
"Are you shocked?" he asked with a look of faked innocence. "What if I tell you that the world I tried to obliterate was the one I was born in? The realm of the frost giants? Wait, I believe your people have a word for that."  
"Genocide," she said weakly.  
"Well, as it is Jotunheim still stands thanks to Thor's heroic deed." His voice was full of cheerful sarcasm.  
"Loki..." She put a hand on his arm, trying to steer the horse with the other.   
"You still don't see a monster, darling? Perhaps I should let you lay eyes on my true form after all."  
"I see someone who tried to kill himself because he was a disappointment to someone else!"  
"Not just anyone: the Allfather himself. I tried for centuries to prove myself to no avail. Thor didn't need to try. Of course now I know the real reason," he said bitterly.

She had to take her hand off him to keep her balance. Horseback was not the right place to hold this conversation.  
"It's too late for you to turn back now," he reminded her with a harsh voice. "You are bound to stay with me whether it pleases you or not."  
"I wasn't planning on leaving," she said tiredly. "Is this what you meant when you said I would come to hate you?"  
"Perhaps. Much can still happen."

She estimated they'd been out for about an hour when they came back to the stables and dismounted. Loki was his usual calm, unreadable self and they returned home without further discussion.

It was later, when he insisted on rubbing some sort of muscle relaxing massage cream into her legs and back, that they resumed talking.  
"It isn't related to that powder you used on me back on Earth, is it?" she asked as his hands worked her over with skilled determination. "You said that came from here."  
"It is not," he said with a brief smile. "This is merely to prevent you from unnecessary pain in the morning. There are no... arousing properties to it."

She wasn't sure of that. Or maybe it was his hands that ellicited the pleasant feeling. It wasn't overly erotic but sensual in a... comforting way.  
"I couldn't hate you," she said. "I'm just trying to understand you."  
"Then you have your work laid out for you, darling. Do not wear yourself out over it."  
"Why'd you say that?"   
"There are those who have known me for much longer than you have and are still unable to comprehend who I truly am. Or unwilling, most likely."

That sounded eerily familiar.  
"I used to have that with some people," she said. "My... parents, in particular." She wasn't ready to dwelve into that particular wasp nest, but Loki's words had touched on something profound. Not being seen... Stubbornly refused recognition. She wondered who he was referring to.

_I wonder how similar we really are. We seemed so different at first glance, now..._

Hadn't she tried to prove herself as well? Just in a different way, and more to people in general than to a specific person. What if it had failed? Even super heroes weren't unequivocally admired. There were people who were suspicious of their powers, politicians who tried to spin them as potential threats...

Her thoughts were interrupted by his lips on her neck, cool breath brushing over her skin.  
"Now," he purred. "I intend to make you understand me in a more... intimate way."


	41. Considering the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some serious... and not so serious talks.

She had placed the Freya figurine near the bed, still not sure whether that was a good move considering the whole fertility thing. She didn't want to put ideas in Loki's head now when they had some peace and a place to settle down. Yet it felt like it belonged there. A highly symbolic gift, Thor had called it.  
"If you don't trust me to not impregnate you I suggest you talk to Eleree or Vaana about suitable remedies," Loki said.  
"What?"

_Is he reading thoughts now? ___

The green stone was only supposed to convey emotions and, she felt her neckline, she wasn't even wearing it at the moment.  
"I'm not reading your mind," he said patiently. "I'm merely drawing conclusions from where your attention is and one of our previous conversations."

_Shit!_

"Did anyone ever tell you you're really perceptive?"  
"It's a useful trait."  
He shifted to lie more by her side than on top of her as before.  
"I'm not totally sure it would even be possible," he said, making a hand movement to magically clean up the sheets.  
"Why is that?"  
"Offspring of frost giants and Midgardians are unheard of. Possibly because few mortals would survive such an encounter, but also, it may be that we're not compatible, that our differences are too great."  
"I've survived you," she said, confused.  
"Because of my glamour. What little self exploration I've done indicates that jotuns can somewhat control their ability to cause frost burn, but it's not an experiment I would subject you, or myself, to."

Oy! She wasn't sure where this information ranked between all the other disturbing revelations he'd sprung on her. Probably pretty low. It was only biology, after all. It was not like attempting to destroy an entire realm on purpose. Or try to conquer one.

Something else caught her attention.  
"Does that mean I can never have your children?"  
And why was _that_ a depressing thought all of a sudden?  
"I wouldn't wish it on you," he said, turning away.

She snuggled up against his back, wrapping an arm around him. He tensed up for a moment, then covered her hand with his own and relaxed into the touch. She absentmindedly rubbed her thumb over a raised scar, while pondering the implications.  
"Is that what you would want?" he asked after a long silence. "To have my children?"  
"I don't know," she said carefully. "I never thought about it until know, but I guess it was somewhere back in my mind. I just didn't want it _right now_. I thought... there was time for that."  
"It may still be possible," he mused. "I've been using magic to... avoid consequenses. There might be magical means to enforce them as well."  
He lifted her hand to his lips.  
"It would still not be wise," he said, "but I appreciate the sentiment."

* * *

Loki was in a surprisingly good mood after all the turmoil of that last few days. He seemed... not exactly relaxed, but mischievous and cheerful.

Vaana came by to check up on him, and noticed the same thing.  
"What did you do?" she asked when they were alone in the kitchen. The elf woman had brought a bottle of local wine that she insisted they'd sample.  
"Me? I didn't do anything." The wine had a light, fruity flavour and made her wonder what it was made of. Did they have anything resembling grapes in Alfheim?  
"But he looks so happy! You must have done something," Vaana insisted.  
"Not... that I can think of. We went out riding this morning. Maybe that cheered him up?" Her mind darkened as her thoughts returned to that conversation; not bloody likely.  
Vaana shook her head.  
"No, it has to be something more." She sniffed the wine with visible pleasure. "Something you did to him in bed, perhaps."  
"Uh..." She quickly took a sip from her glass so to not have to answer. She hadn't done anything unusual at all, just...  
"Oh my god!"  
"Well?" The elf woman looked expectantly curious.  
"I might have told him... that I'd consider having his children."  
Vaana made a sound between a shriek and a giggle.  
"Yes, that would do it." The elf woman quickly topped up their glasses. "Tell me everything!"  
"There isn't much to tell; we were just..." She realized she couldn't explain the situation without saying too much, so instead tried to shift the subject to her life on earth and what she'd left behind. Vaana was incessantly fascinated.  
"There used to be elves living on Midgard, you know."  
"Really? We have stories, but I thought they were just that." She had thought the same about the Norse myths, she reminded herself, and look where she was now.  
"Oh yes," Vaana said. "The last ones moved away when humans began spreading out too much. It's not that long ago."

The elf woman's concept of "not long ago" turned out to be slightly different from her own, something like six or seven centuries. It was still in memory, as hard as that was for her mortal mind to grasp.  
"I'm still not used to all this being real," she admitted with her eyes on the golden liquid in her glass. "Okay, Loki I'm getting used to, but the rest... What do I do in this world? How do I make a living, for example?"  
"Oh, I'm sure we can figure something out," Vaana said happily. "I'll show you everything. And I am very good with sharing ideas with when you have them."

She believed it. It was easy to talk to Vaana and not just because of the wine, though it helped.

Loki walked in, seemingly unfazed by their giggling. He poured the last of the beverage into a glass and tasted it. There was a slight smile on his face which, as always, softened his features.  
"You're lucky there is anything left," Vaana said. "We didn't think you wanted any."  
"So it would seem. I had matters to attend to." He didn't participate much in the conversation, mostly listened, but looked content enough.

* * *

"It seemed you were enjoying yourself," Loki said after Vaana left.  
"Oh yes! It was so much fun to just chat with someone again. I mean..." She realized what it might sound like and struggled to explain. "It's not that I mind talking to you, it's just... I haven't really had a girlfriend in a long time."  
"I know," he said softly and embraced her from behind. "I realize that you need... something more. I will insist on having the first and most of your attention though."  
"I don't think you need to worry about that." She placed her hands on his arms and leaned back to touch her cheek to his.  
"Also," he added, "when I go away you shouldn't be left all alone in a foreign world."  
She froze.  
"Are you leaving?"  
"Not now," he said assuringly, "but there will be times eventually when I will. If possible I'll have you come with me, but if not..." He brushed his lips against her cheekbone. "I did promise I would give you everything, did I not?"  
Her thoughts went back to that moment.

_"Submit to me and I will give you everything."_

Strange how long ago it seemed. 

"You don't have to give me anything," she said. "Just... promise me one thing?"  
"And what is that, love?"  
"Don't ever try to kill yourself again."


	42. Intense and inappropriate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merging the old with the new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song referred to is "Modern Girl" with Meatloaf

_Gimme the future, gimme the future, gimme the future with a modern girl._

"What is that infernal noise?" Loki asked, walking in.  
"It's Meatloaf."  
"What?"  
"Great singer. Wonderful voice. Epic songs"

_There's a clash on the border, a flame in the sky. Girl that's where you're gonna find me._

"And why are we listening to him here?" Loki frowned.  
"Vaana found a way to power my laptop, so I can listen to my music."  
He pinched the bridge of his nose.  
"Of course she did."

_Rusted with the guilty tears of fallen kings and queens._

Loki got a pained look on his face and walked out again. She lowered the volume slightly, wondering if he already regretted encouraging her contact with the elf woman.

* * *

"Yes, Midgardians are very fertile," Eleree said as a comment to her question. "You can have a child every year with little trying, as I recall."  
"Is that unusual in the other realms?" She had to ask, curiosity taking over.  
"It is." Eleree watched a monitor while talking. "Most only carry a few children, but since your lifespan is so much shorter..." She adjusted the force field. "...nature has found a way to compensate."  
"I see."  
"Of course frost giants are quite fertile too, but it is probably due to high infant mortality. We know little about them."

_Whoops! That's good to know._

"So... would you know of anything I can use to... lower my fertility?" She felt somewhat uncomfortable asking, but she had to, and better sooner than later.  
"I do, but it would have to be adjusted to the manner in which a mortal body works. I suggest we finish this first, since we don't know the full effect of this manipulation and it's consequenses."

Eleree was referring to the process of awakening her dormant elven genes and increasing her life span. It sounded simple, but appearantly there were a number of unknown factors that made predicting the end result virtually impossible. The glamour magic, for one thing. The only thing Eleree could assure her was that it wouldn't be harmful. Or shouldn't be, rather.

"Do you know Loki's mother?" she blurted out, not sure where it came from.  
"I do," Eleree answered, still focused on monitoring the process.  
"So... you've known Loki for a long time too?"  
"Since he was a boy," Eleree said. The elf woman met her gaze and seemed to decide to volunteer some more information. "Queen Frigga used to come here with her sons every few years."  
"So what was he like?" Eleree wasn't the most forthcoming, but she was curious, dammit.  
"Mischievous. Set on attention. Sometimes in not so appropriate ways."

That sounded familiar. She tried to imagine Loki as a child, stirring things up to get noticed or just to see what would happen. To have an impact.  
"Vaana said he was different from the others in Asgard."  
"He was," Eleree confirmed, adjusting the force field once more.  
"In what way?" She wasn't about to give up; she wanted to know these things.  
"He was quite intense. And his interests differed from what most Asgardians find worthy of pursuit."  
"Such as...?"  
"Magic. Learning. He had a curious mind, often thinking ahead, imagining possibilities and outcomes in ways others didn't. In fact he would have made a great scientist, had he not been a prince."  
"Why can't you be a scientist if you're a prince?" she had to ask, wondering if she sounded naive.  
"Princes have other expectations on them," Eleree said curtly.

The elf woman seemed done with monitoring her and turned the force field off.  
"If you aren't feeling well you need to send for Vaana. There may be effects we can't foresee."  
She nodded. At the moment she didn't feel any different, but she imagined a change wouldn't be felt right away. Eleree confirmed her thoughts:  
"These changes will be noticable as your cells regenerate. It will take time for the full effect to be seen. If there are no adverse effects I will add to the process in 12 days from now."

She walked out of the facility, ignoring the curious looks she got from other people there.

_Is it so obvious that I'm a mortal? Is it just the ears or something else?_

Elves did look different, but she couldn't put her finger on exactly what the differences were. They were just too subtle, like the features were just a little bit off, or just a little bit exaggerated.

_What am I even doing in this world? I don't belong here._

She tried to shake the doubts and focus on finding her way.

Loki was waiting and he had brought the horses.  
"This is how we're getting home?" she asked.  
"I wouldn't want you to forget what you've learned," he said with a smug smile and handed her the reins.  
"You're just waiting for me to fall on my ass, aren't you?"  
"Absolutely not. That would be most unfortunate."

"Eleree said I should come back in twelve days," she said as they began to move.  
"I will have somebody bring you."

She was thinking about what the elf woman had told her, again imagining Loki as a child stirring up trouble. Yes, she could definitely picture that. Pieces were starting to fall into place, little by little. What she observed and what she was told were forming a more coherent picture.

"You seem far away," Loki noticed and adjusted her hold on the reins.

_Such a perfectionist! What difference does it make?_

"I was thinking about you."  
"Oh?" He grinned in the most infuriating, self-satisfied way. "You really can't take your mind of me, can you, darling?"  
"Don't start!" She smacked him on the arm. "Eleree told me that you were trouble when you were little. You 'seeked attention in not so appropriate ways'."  
He looked thoughtful.  
"That may be true," he admitted. "Though I disagree somewhat on the inappropriate."  
"Why? You thought you did right?"  
"Of course." He smiled again. "Why else would I do it?"

She rolled her eyes. So much for a serious talk.  
"You are insufferable."  
"So I've been told."


	43. Unforeseen effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If something can go wrong... it will go wrong.

Once home Loki didn't let her out of his sight. He was ridiculously protective, almost following her into the bathroom.  
"What do you think I'm going to do? Faint?"  
"There can be unforeseen effects of the treatment, you know this."  
"But I'm fine now! I'll let you know if I'm starting to feel queasy."  
"I will not have you fall ill because you don't recognize the signs that something is awry."  
She groaned in frustration.  
"And I will not have you stare at me while I pee. Shoo! Out!" She closed the door, but heard him chuckle on the other side.  
"There is no part of your body I haven't seen, love."  
"Go away!"

She took the opportunity to clean up as well. There was a strange tingling feeling to her skin, and it seemed to fade once she'd been under water. The elf house actually had it's own version of a shower, which made life here feel a little less foreign. Small things went a long way.

She came out, finding Loki slumped in a chair, legs carefreely spread, and picking at his hands with a thoughtful look on his face. She went up to sit next to him, partially on his lap, and leaned her head on his shoulder.  
"I don't know what I'm doing," she said.  
"You're doing well," he assured, pressing his lips to her temple.   
"But I'm feeling lost. Overwhelmed."  
"Because you are mortal. Your experience is limited, and so is your mind."  
"Thank you," she said with pointed sarcasm.  
He put an arm around her.  
"That is not what I mean. You have seen very little of the world that surrounds you. You are merely an infant caught in a universe you cannot yet comprehend."  
"Is that how you see me? Like I'm a child..."  
"Only in this matter; you are very young compared to those of other realms, yet you have already seen more than most mortals ever will."

She couldn't argue with that. Loki was not the most balanced individual she'd known, but he had a way of saying truthful things that cut to the core of the matter. There was more to him than other people gave him credit for, she thought. A lot more.

* * *

She woke up in the middle of the night with intense headache. Her body was overheated and she could barely think due to the pain. She was vaguely aware of Loki scooping her up and carrying her through the room, followed by the sound of running water. She gasped when he stepped in with her under the stream and cold water hit her full force, but it eased some of the heat. Her skin was no longer burning up, only her insides.

Loki cursed. Impressive that a prince could know so many bad words, she thought, somewhat confused. It was hard to focus; all she knew was pain, pain and cold water. She shivered in his arms, but he didn't let her go. It felt like her blood was boiling and the headache just wouldn't stop. She whimpered in distress, pressing her brow against his collarbone, seeking a relief that didn't come.

It seemed to take an eternity before she cooled off and her mind cleared a little. Most of the pain was still there, torturing her mercilessly. Loki stepped out of the water, still holding her in a firm grip, and used his magic to wrap a towel around her.  
"Eleree said... call for Vaana," she managed to get out, not sure if it was loud enough for him to hear.  
"I will," he said. "As soon as you're safe."

She wasn't sure what safe meant. Maybe she was dying. The procedure was supposed to lengthen her life span, not shorten it. Something must have gone wrong.

She must have lost consciousness, because next time she woke up she heard voices. Loki's agitated one, Eleree's cool and stern. She couldn't make out the words. Vaana was at her side, fingers poking and prodding.  
"You're doing fine," the elf woman said soothingly. "This will pass."  
She swallowed. Dry throat. The headache had diminished but her whole body felt hypersensitive.  
"You sure?" she croaked.  
"I am sure," Vaana said, voice confident and calm.

She was lying in the bed now, which was carrying a faint scent of sex from the previous evening. Embarrassing.   
"Where's Loki?" she asked, accepting the water she was offered.  
"Yelling at Eleree," Vaana said with little concern. "He swears you would have died had he not cooled you off in time."  
"It sure... felt like it." She collapsed back on the pillows. "What happened?"  
"It seems to be a reaction to the treatment. We're not clear on exactly what happened yet."

More yelling from the kitchen.  
"Eleree is not afraid of him, is she?" Where she came from everyone was wary of Loki. Here...   
"Ha!" Vaana said, clearly amused. "She'd simply grab him by the neck like she did when we were children. Eleree has very hard fingers. Once you've felt them you never forget." Vaana absently rubbed the nape of her own neck.  
"It's not her fault." Ugh, the headache wasn't gone yet.   
"He knows. He just need to calm down a little." The elf woman took out a small capsule and placed it under her tongue. It melted almost instantly, leaving a strange, honeylike taste in it's wake. "I've never seen him so invested in anyone."  
"You should have seen him... in the beginning. He just wouldn't... give up."  
"Sounds like Loki. He's very persistent when he's set on something."

The voices were quieting down. Vaana was checking her pulse.  
"You're good for him, you know."  
"You think so?"   
Vaana nodded and lowered her voice.  
"You take him as he is. Not everybody can do that."  
"You seem to."  
"Yes, but most... He has this brother who everybody likes, all out there and charismatic and perfect." Vaana rolled her eyes.  
"Thor. I've met him."  
"Yes, and Loki is another kind of person entirely. You have to spend some time to get to know him before you like him. Most people don't take the time for that. He's been compared to Thor a lot."  
"I see."  
"It's a shame really. Especially when girls pretended to be interested in him just to get close to his brother."

Ouch! No wonder there were trust issues.

"They don't know what they missed," she said defiantly.  
"True. Loki has a lot of good qualities. And a cute backside."  
She cocked an eyebrow.  
"You've been checking out my boyfriend's ass?"  
Vaana smiled mischievously.  
"Honey, I did so long before you were born."


	44. Pillow talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bed talk about trust, preferences and regret.

"Vaana flirts with anybody she takes a liking to," Loki said. "It's not necessarily serious."  
They were sitting in the bed together after Vaana and Eleree had left.  
"I've noticed. She called you 'darling' when she first came here. And she said that you were the first one she kissed."

Loki looked annoyed.  
"I would speak to her about holding her tongue if i thought it would make a difference."  
"But you did kiss her, didn't you? Were you ever... you know?"  
"Not in any way serious, I assure you. She prefers women, in any case."  
"She's lesbian?" That was a surprise, she not had the impression Vaana's interests went in that direction. The elf woman had been quite outspoken about some of her crushes.  
"I said she prefers them, not that it's her sole preference. Elves tend to be more open-minded about such preferences and a little less... pigeon-holed, as you say."  
"As opposed to what? Asgard?" She asked without thinking. She could just as well have said Earth, and hadn't expected to see a shadow passing over Loki's face as he tightened his jaw at her words. This was personal.  
"For instance. Vaana and I have certain things in common, which is why we get along despite our differences."

The implication hit her.  
"You're bi, aren't you?"  
"I learned at a young age that such a thing does not exist," he said bitterly. "You pick a preference and you stay with it. And I was not about to pick the wrong one as I was already seen as..." He stopped himself, like from saying too much. This was a sensitive topic. As good as Loki was in hiding most of his feelings, resentment wasn't one of them.  
"Seen as what?" She didn't want to push him too hard, but also didn't want to miss an opportunity to learn more if he was willling to talk. There was still so much she didn't know about Loki's past, about the history that had shaped him.  
"It's a common insult in Asgard to be compared to a woman," he said reluctantly. "The practicing of magic, among other things, are considered a womanly art. Not exclusively, the Allfather practice it as well, but he is way too powerful to be disparaged in such a manner."

This sent her thoughts back to another conversation they had had not so long ago.  
"And women are seen as weak, aren't they?"  
"Of course."

Yes, Asgard was patriarchal, alright. 

"My mother used to say that men who think that should go through a pregnancy and squeeze out an eight pound baby between their legs. It would make them shut up really quickly."  
Loki's mouth twitched a little.  
"I believe mine has a similar saying, though she would put it in a less crude manner."

He was leaning against the headboard with his arm around her, presumably to keep an eye on her temperature which was still slightly elevated. She was pretty sure that wasn't the only reason though. He looked tired, and it usually took more than one sleepless night to affect Loki. He must really have been worried.

"I haven't always been nice to you," she said in a sudden bout of guilt.  
He frowned.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"In the beginning..."  
"Darling..."  
"In the beginning," she persisted, "I was so irritated and frustrated because you wouldn't leave me alone, and even after that I... I called you 'epitome of untrustworthy'." She winced at the memory from their first time being intimate.

Loki sighed.  
"Darling, don't you understand this is one of the things that drew me to you? Your feistiness, your sharp tongue, the fact that your fear of me so quickly dissipated and you began resisting me in such a fiery way in it's stead." He planted a kiss in her hair. "I will not have you change because you think I take offence to your words. I do not."  
"Are you sure? You're not just saying that because you don't want me to think..."

He leaned down and silenced her by pressing his lips against hers, nudging her mouth open and invading it with a firm tongue. It wasn't exactly violent as much as insistant in a won't-take-no-for-an-answer kind of way. And surprisingly erotic, considering the state she was in.

He let her go and she caught her breath.  
"Now, will you have me stop doing that because I think it will hurt you? Will you have me stop tying your hands when I ravish you?"  
"That's not the same thing," she objected.  
"Because you enjoy it. Do you want me to stop?"  
"No, of course not!"  
"Then trust me, as I trust you in this."

They settled properly into the bed, resting in each other's arms like they were used to. Loki's cool skin was pleasant against her own warmth; she wanted to be as close as possible, which he luckily didn't mind.   
"I do love you," she said softly. "I don't think there's ever been anyone who meant so much to me as you do."  
He threaded his fingers through her hair, smoothing out the tangles.  
"Then stay with me, if it's for thousand years or a mere half century, I do not care. You don't have to continue the treatment if you don't wish to do so."

The implication was clear, though unsaid.

_I'd rather have you for a short time than loose you now._

"I know," she said, snuggling into his neck. "But I want to. I don't want to stop now, when we're halfway there. Just because one thing goes wrong it doesn't mean it has to happen again."  
"If it happens again, I _will_ put a stop to it," he said harshly. "This procedure was supposed to activate you dormant genes, not risk your life."

Of course not. Eleree had assured them that no mistakes had been made; it was simply an unforeseen side effect, possibly something in her immune system reacting to the changes. Loki had still been angry, maybe more so because there was noone to blame.

"Let's give it a chance," she said, touched by his concern. "See how I feel over the next few days."

He reluctantly agreed. She had a feeling he would stay awake the rest of the night to watch over her, but there was nothing she could do about it. Loki made his own choices, just like she made hers. And, to be honest, she would have done the same thing.


	45. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When changes are expected and unexpected people show up.

On waking up she felt considerably better, fever gone, headache barely noticeble. Loki used his magic to prod her, confirming the improvement, and visibly relaxed.  
"Now perhaps you will let me watch you properly," he concluded.  
"You just have to be right, don't you?" she sighed.  
"Only because I _am_ right, more often than not. I will not have you put at risk without supervision." He pulled her close against his naked chest while snuggling her neck and ear. "Mmm... you smell delicious in the morning, love."  
"You know, most people wouldn't think that," she said, but didn't try to pull away. She was beyond embarrassment with this man. At least when it came to physical intimacy.  
"Ooh, but it's so enticing," he murmured and nibbled on the skin between her neck and shoulder as his hands wandered downwards.  
"I think it's the morning wood speaking," she teased and ran her fingers through his black locks. Perhaps she had a hair kink; she loved the sensual feeling of it under her hands. 

Without warning he turned her on her back and moved on top of her, pulling one leg up around his waist.  
"You will always submit to me," he growled softly in her ear. "I will not have it any other way."

The words, and his voice, sent a shiver through her, quickening her arousal. It was impossible to resist Loki when he turned on his seductive mode and went all dominant and possessive. It was like he knew exactly which buttons to push to make her melt inside, and he probably did.

She squirmed a little, pretending to get away, but he quickly pinned her in place while forcing her to endure his ministrations. It was hard to say who was more turned on by this game; him or her. The fact that he was a lot stronger than her only added to the excitement.

Later, as they were still tightly and intimately tangled up with each other, she wondered what might change once she no longer was purely "mortal".  
"Elves aren't near as strong as Aesir... or frost giants," Loki said, "but they are more resilient."  
"Is that what will happen to me? Will I be... less vulnerable or...?  
"Probably. Physical resilience is connected to aging, so prolonging your life span should also increase your resistance to injuries somewhat. The same genes are responsible for both."

That was something to think about. She hadn't realized she might also end up with a more resistant body, having only focused on the life span. Eleree had said the end result was unpredictable; they would just have to wait and see. Perhaps her life would be prolonged with only a couple of hundred years, perhaps a lot more, they simply didn't know.

"Is there anything else that could happen, you think? That could change?"  
"It would depend on which elf genes you've inherited," he mused. "After so many generations there would not be many left. We were lucky that you still have those which regulate life span."  
"We were always long-lived in my family. Especially on mum's side."  
"Those genes might not have been completely surpressed, only for the major part. Once they are fully manifest, however, the difference should be considerable."

* * *

Loki had to go away for a few days before her next appointment with Eleree and she missed him more than she had expected, being so used to have him near all the time. He had however assured her that he would be back in time to pick her up afterwards. After what had happened last time he wouldn't take any chances. In fact he had planned to take the trip earlier but didn't want to leave her alone until he was sure that she wouldn't relapse. 

She knew that someone else was going to escort her to the laboratory, and had more or less expected it to be Vaana. Instead it was a male elf who she'd never seen before. He seemed _very_ young, though the impression could be deceptive. Eleree was supposedly 3000 years old and looked like a mortal in their late thirties.  
"I am Meral," the elf introduced himself. "Prince Loki has requested I bring you to Eleree's laboratory facilities today." He had very light, almost silvery hair reaching to his shoulders, and pale green eyes.

Two horses were waiting for them near the house and Meral watched her anxiously, like he tried to determine whether she could get up on the horse herself or if he was supposed to help her. He looked decidedly relieved when she managed on her own.

As they began moving he snuck looks at her whenever he didn't think she would notice. He seemed awfully shy, she thought, but curious at the same time.  
"Is there anything you want to ask me?" she finally said, trying to sound encouraging.

He almost dropped the reins when she adressed him.  
"Oh... you are mortal, are you not?"  
"Yes, I'm from Midgard," she answered lightly. "I have some elvish genes in me, but I suppose you know that."  
"Yes, they... they told me."

Another silence followed. At least he didn't keep correcting her riding technique every ten minutes like Loki did.  
"So... how do you know Loki?" she asked.  
"We... we have some interests in common. He's a master of magic and I..." His voice trailed off as if he was struggling with expressing himself. "I apologize. I don't speak very well with people I do not know."  
"It's fine," she said. "I don't know what to do with myself half the time. This world is totally foreign to me."  
That seemed to relax him somewhat and he made another attempt at answering her question:  
"I study magic. Prince Loki finds elf magic interesting and he works with me at times, helps me... learn."

That made sense. Meral and Loki seemed, at first sight, as different as light and day, but once the subject of magic came up the elf became more relaxed and went into lengthy, passionate explanations, all awkwardness gone.

She wondered if Loki was as perfectionistic with Meral as he was with her, zapping him with magic when he didn't pay attention. No wonder the elf was nervous.

The trip went well, with no major mishaps, but there was a moment when she lost her balance a little and wiggled in the saddle. The elf's eyes went wide and he looked like he was about to have a panic attack before she steadied herself. He barely took his eyes of her for the rest of the ride.

* * *

When her appointment was over she went to wait for Loki near the entrance. There were no people left in the building besides her and Eleree so he would be coming inside to get her this time, probably undisguised. She sat down and closed her eyes, trying to feel any changes within her body. The tingling sensation on her skin she'd experienced last time wasn't there. Neither was any feeling of heightened temperature, but that had come later, during the night. She hoped she wouldn't have to go through that ordeal again.

It was almost an hour before Loki showed up and she all but jumped into his arms, not bothering to hide how happy she was to see him again.   
"Mmm... I have missed you," he said, holding her tightly against him while caressing her back. "I trust it all went well?" 

"Loki," came a voice from behind them. Loki tensed, then slowly turned around to face the woman standing a few feet away.  
"Mother," he said.


	46. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long overdue meeting, and emotions triggered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally managed to finish this stubborn chapter. It was quite resistant, for some reason.

The woman was every inch of dignified where she stood, face serious as she awaited Loki's reaction. She held out a hand and he cautiously approached till she could take both his hands in hers and take a long look at his face. Then she embraced him. There were tears in her eyes.  
"I knew you weren't lost," she said. "I felt it in my heart."

On letting go she reached up to briefly touch his hair before stepping back. Loki frowned as he looked in the direction of the elf woman waiting silently nearby.  
"Don't blame Eleree, dear!" his mother said as she followed his gaze. "I had a vision of you being in this realm. Naturally Eleree was the first one I seeked out. She could not deny having seen you."  
"I understand," Loki said stiffly. "And what now? Shall I expect Odin's guards to apprehend me as I walk out of here?"  
"Of course not. I'm shielding our conversation from Heimdall at this moment, and I sense you are doing the same with yourself. All he will see is me visiting Eleree. Scarcely an unusual occurrence."

That was when the queen turned her attention to the one human in the room.  
"And this is your mortal friend?"  
"She is," Loki confirmed, but she is more than merely mortal." He stepped back to place a hand on her lower back. It felt reassuring, and made the situation seem a little less unreal.

Frigga nodded.  
"Yes, Eleree has told me what you are trying to accomplish." Frigga greeted her with a benevolent smile and she introduced herself as properly as she could muster. She had no idea how to interact with royalty. Loki was... Loki, but this was a _queen_. And of the legendary realm of Asgard to boot.

Loki's hand on her back felt seriously comforting in that moment.

"It is such a pleasure to meet you," Frigga said pleasantly, before turning to Loki. "Perhaps we can find a more appropriate location to talk."

They ended up in what looked like a break room; comfortable furniture and beautiful decorations, all in the foreign elven design she was slowly beginning to get used to. Sitting on the edge of her seat she remained mostly quiet while the others talked, thinking it safest to only observe unless spoken to. Eleree barely said anything either, letting Loki and Frigga interact in peace.

Though there were few similarities in physical appearance, Loki being adopted after all, there were more so in mannerisms. She wondered if Loki was aware of just how much his hand movements and facial expressions mirrored his mother's. They had clearly been close.

She saw a slow change in him as the conversation went on. He started out tense and suspicious, but became more soft-spoken as time passed, only disrupted by the occasional temper flare.  
"And what if I return?" he said. "You really think Odin would be lenient after all that has transpired? I think not."  
"If you come home willingly and show remorse for your actions..."  
"And then what?" Loki raised his voice. "I go back to living in Thor's shadow like none of it happened? To pleading for scraps of recognition like a dog at the Allfather's table?"  
"Not like none happened. You would have to attone, of course."  
"Atone?" Loki got to his feet and started pacing. "And what of those who betrayed me? Have they _atoned_? Have they recieved their just punishment for comitting _treason_? Funny how Thor mentioned none of it."  
"Loki..."  
"Not to mention the matter of my... mortal friend, as you call her." He made a gesture in her direction. "Isn't it more than likely that Odin would separate us as well? Bar her from entering Asgard in the first place while making it impossible for me to leave?"  
"I will speak to him," Frigga said. "Maybe Thor would do so as well. If she truly means this much to you..."  
"Oh, by all means. Let Thor tell him about how I seduced a human and trapped her under my spell. I'm sure that will convince him."

He stopped where he was, leaning a hand on a windowsill. His jaw was tight with tension and his knuckles white, as he glanced outside.

Frigga stood and walked closer.  
"I know that isn't true, Loki." She put a hand on his arm. "Eleree told me quite a bit of what happened after you arrived in this realm. About your concern for each other when either one of you fell ill. About your insistance on this... procedure. There is little doubt that your care for one another is sincere."  
"How fortunate," Loki said, voice considerably lower despite the sarcasm. He still looked strained, but less defiant, more... resignated. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I have no desire to return to Asgard at this point," he stated.  
"I'm not asking you for now. I will need time to talk to your father first and find the best way to handle this delicate matter. I only ask that you consider what I've told you." She placed a hand on his cheek. "We are still your family, Loki. Please try to remember that."  
Loki looked like he was about to say something, probably protest, judging from his expression, but he kept quiet and simply nodded.  
"As you wish, mother."

* * *

On their way home she could feel him virtually radiating tension. This was one of the worst states she'd ever seen him in and he barely said a word the entire ride. Once arrived he brought the horses back and returned only after significant time away. His knuckles were bruised.  
"You haven't been fighting, have you?" she asked after some hesitation, not sure how he'd react to questioning.  
"I have not." He took a seat and rubbed a hand over his face for a moment. "I merely needed to release some... Oh, it doesn't matter." He pulled her into his lap and held her sideways against him with an arm around her shoulders.

"I've missed you," she said.  
He pressed his lips to her temple.  
"I would rather bring you along with me next time I leave. I did not anticipate how much I would loathe being away from you, how... lonely the nights would seem."

That was quite a revelation. Loki was rarely that open with his feelings when it came to words. He usually showed them in more subtle ways. Though, she realized, it had slowly shifted over time. Especially after they arrived in Alfheim his emotional armour, as she thought of it, had started coming off, one piece at the time.

It was flattering, and yet a little scary. She had long since realized that Loki wasn't someone who trusted easily, and to actually have that trust felt like a responsibility almost to great to handle.

"So... there's a chance you won't be forced back to Asgard?" she said, not sure what to make of the conversation she had observed.  
He kept quiet for a few moments before taking a deep breath.  
"You already know how I left... Perhaps it's time I tell you the rest, and what led up to it."


	47. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When people don't react the way you expect... well, you may get a little agitated.

Loki was still holding her against him when done talking, his grip tighter now, fingers digging into her shoulder. She wasn't sure if he was fully aware of it. He was looking ahead of himself, rather than at her, and his face was unreadable.

"So that was why," she said faintly, wanting to break the silence with something. "Why you killed your..."  
"He wasn't my father anymore than Odin was," Loki interrupted her. "None of them..." He stopped himself, and she could feel him tensing even more.  
"I'm sorry, Loki. I didn't know you'd been through so much."  
"Is that your reaction?" he snapped. "Pity? It doesn't bother you that I almost killed Thor, one of your precious Avengers? Or tried to obliterate a world? Letting Asgard's most hated enemies into the heart of my home realm? I would have thought you more righteous than that."  
"I know when you're baiting me, so you can stop now! And I don't pity you; I _care_ about you. Is that so hard to understand?"  
He took an agitated breath.  
"Why? I have given you even more reason to despise me. Anyone sane would have walked away or at the very least... kept their distance. You keep clinging to me as if... if..." He rubbed his face with shaky fingers.  
"I don't want distance," she persisted. "It's not about what you've done; it's about who you are."  
He let out a bitter laugh.  
"Oh yes, who I am. That's what it all comes down to, isn't it? That no matter what I do, no matter how many centuries I've lived in the golden realm of Asgard, I will never be anything but the monster of nursery tales." He let go of her to lean forward and run his fingers through his hair, stopping with his forehead leaned against his hands.

She didn't move off his lap, but tried to adjust her position as much as the limited space allowed. It didn't seem like a good idea to let go of the physical contact.  
"I'm not judging you," she said, "I'm not pitying. I just don't want you to hate yourself so much. You don't deserve that."  
He made a contempteous sound.  
"Oh, I'm pretty sure the rest of your world would disagree with that."  
"Well, I sprang you from jail, so they're probably not very fond of me either." She was well aware that there was a prison cell waiting, would she ever return home. "It's like every time you tell me something about yourself you try to push me away, so I won't reject you first. Will it ever end? Can you for once just trust that I won't?"  
He straightened up and turned towards her, his face close to hers.  
"And what if it is the one time you finally have enough?  
"I don't know how to convince you," she sighed. "I just know it won't happen. We're way past the point where it would have mattered."

Suddenly his mouth was on hers, aggressively, with a hand at the back of her neck to keep her from moving away. She instinctively grabbed his arm but couldn't budge it. He soon let go, but no more than their lips still touching.  
"So why are you not judging me?" he asked, still with the provocative tone to his voice.  
"Maybe I'm finally beginning to understand you. And I'm not _righteous_. I'm just trying to find my own way."

He kissed her again, with a little less force but still with his hand firmly securing her in place. She put up with it, knowing he'd release her eventually.  
"Or you're just a pathetic mortal who's afraid I'll tire of her," he said, eyeing her intensely.  
"This pathetic mortal is about to slap you if you keep insulting her."  
He laughed softly.  
"And you think you could hurt me? You really should know better by now."  
"I don't want to hurt you, I just want to remind you not to be an ass. Do you want to sleep on the fucking coach tonight? Because that can be arranged."  
"Mmm..." he purred, sounding almost pleased. "You really think you could keep me out of our bed?" He kissed her again, this time in a hungrier manner that she was well acquainted with.

_Oh great, now he's turned on._

"Loki..."  
"I cannot wait to see you try, darling." He hooked an arm under her knees and lifted her up like she weighed nothing. Ignoring her protests he carried her into the bedroom and dropped her roughly on the bed.  
"Why is it that every time we're about to fight it ends with this?" she groaned, trying to get up.  
"I don't know, love, but you are absolutely ravishing right now." He pushed her back down and straddled her hips before baring his upper body in a shimmer of magic. "Fight me!" he demanded, and before she could react he had leaned down and delivered a painful bite next to her neck.  
"Ow!" She lashed out instinctively, knowing full well it wouldn't do any good, but also that he absolutely loved it for some reason. It was almost like he craved being punished, and would keep poking her till she did what he wanted. It didn't matter whether he could feel it, appearently; it was her aggression he was after.

He finally trapped her arms against the bed, removing the rest of their clothing before pushing her legs apart and settling between them. He seeked her lips, kissing her eagerly as he pushed inside her with little restraint, then hooked his free arm under her knee to reach deeper.

It was intense and overwhelming, and somehow she never seemed to get over how arousing it was to be intimate this way. Loki was dangerous when agitated, his temper could easily slip out of control, but he had yet to harm her in any serious way. She doubted that it would ever happen, but the thrill was there, kindling her desire till little else mattered.


	48. Love marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a little weird isn't a bad thing, when you have people who understand.

Vaana had brought another bottle of wine and this time they sat outside in the garden behind the house.

"You may turn me into an alcoholic if you keep doing this", she joked as she let her glass be filled.  
"No, no, elvish wine is perfect for your kind. It's a lot lighter than what they have in some realms. Have Loki had you try Asgardian mead yet?"  
"No..."  
Vaana laughed with snort.  
"I did not think so. It's what the big bad warriors drink, you see. Very strong." She grimaced. "I tried it once and don't think I ever will again."  
"What about Asgardian wine?" she asked, curious now.  
"Better," Vaana said, "but still too strong for my taste. The royal palace of Asgard imports wine from Alfheim because some of the noble ladies prefer it, but their own variety is less popular here."

The wine they were drinking had a distinct sweet taste that reminded her of strawberries. It made her think of summer.

"I met Meral," she said, recalling yesterday's events. "Do you know him?"  
"I do," Vaana confirmed.  
"Is he always so... nervous?"  
Vaana giggled.  
"Not always, but he is a bit awkward with people before he knows them. I also happen to know that Loki entrusted him with escorting you to Eleree's laboratory, and that would have made him anxious indeed."  
"Why?"   
Vaana took a sip before answering.  
"Meral idolizes Loki, virtually worships the ground he walks on."  
"Oh! Loki must love that."  
"Probably," the elf woman agreed. "Meral has this one interest that goes beyond everything and that is magic."  
"So he told me."  
Vaana nodded.  
"And Loki is... I don't know if you're aware of it, but Loki is a very skilled magic wielder. He learned from his mother, the queen of Asgard, who is highly skilled as well."  
"Yes, I've seen him... do things."  
"Well, Meral is studying magic and becoming pretty good at it, from what I hear. Loki's magic is different, but he likes experimenting with other variants, so it's a cultural exchange of sorts."

It made a lot of sense, she thought, as she let the wine linger on her tongue. A great interest in common and mutual benefit. The elf's awkwardness had disappeared almost completely when his favourite subject came up.

"Meral is quite young, isn't he?"  
"Younger than us, yes. He's still trying to... figure himself out, so to speak."  
"I see."

Vaana stood up to examine a couple of berry bushes nearby.   
"You may want to prune these soon," she suggested. "They grow very fast."  
"Are the berries edible?" She walked up herself to take a closer look. The leaves had a peculiar triangular shape.  
"Oh yes, just wait till they're bright yellow and begin to crack a little. You can smell them when that happens."

They walked through the garden, Vaana making an optimistic attempt at teaching her the names of plants and giggling when she mispronounced. There was no malice in the elf girl, only a cheerful humour that nothing seemed to curb.  
"I imagine Meral was really afraid something would go wrong when you were under his care," Vaana said. "The honor of being tasked with escorting Loki's paramour must have weighed heavily on him."  
"He thought I was about to fall off the horse once."  
"Oh, Norns!" Vaana shrieked and put a hand over her mouth. "Poor thing, he would have been devastated if that had happened."

For more than one reason, perhaps.  
"I remember how mad Loki was at Eleree when I got sick from the treatment," she said. "I wouldn't like him going at Meral like that.  
"I don't think he would," Vaana dismissed. "Especially if it was an accident. Loki may have changed, but It's still not the same thing. Meral just thinks that mortal's are so fragile they break if you breath in their direction."

Well, that explained the elf's reaction.

"He does know that Loki and I are sleeping together, right? If I was that breakable I would walk around with bruises all the time."  
"I've seen you with bruises," Vaana pointed out. "Your wrists in particular..."  
She resisted the impulse to pull down her sleeves.  
"I don't mean that. I mean... Oh, why am I getting into this with you?"  
"I would not know," Vaana said with wide-eyed innocence and took another sip from her glass.

* * *

She was standing by the mirror when Loki stepped up behind her unexpectantly.  
"And just what are you doing?" he asked, obviously noticing where her attention was. She was running her fingers over the bite mark next to her neck.  
"I think... I'm not sure, but I think I'm healing faster than before." She inspected the faded bruises on her wrists, almost invisible by now.  
"Mmm..." He took her hand, turning it back and forth. "I believe you are right. These are from yesterday, are they not?"  
"Yes, and I don't recall them disappearing that quickly before. This one too..." She went back to the mark by her shoulder.

He placed his hands on her waist, holding her loosely against him.  
"I will need to find a way to make them last longer," he said. "Drawing blood, perhaps."  
"You won't! Don't even think about it!"  
He laughed softly.  
"You are lucky I haven't done so before. You don't think I could have bitten through that mortal skin of yours any time I'd wished?"  
"You want me to be grateful you haven't? I know exactly what you could do, it doesn't mean you should!" She wasn't as agitated as she made it sound, but neither was he as threatening as he pretended. It was a game they were used to playing by now, with an undertone of seriousness and a strong flavour of sensuality hidden in the teasing. It was one she couldn't see herself playing with anyone else, or have others fully understand. Maybe Vaana understood, or maybe she just accepted their personal quirkiness, but then again, elves were, as Loki once had hinted, exceptionally open-minded. Vaana had never, not even once, commented negatively on her bruises.

"It's not even fair," she pointed out. "I couldn't put a mark on you even if I tried, while you can flick your fingers and..." she made a gesture to illustrate what she meant.  
"Yes... that is unfair indeed." He brushed his lips against her ear before moving down to kiss the reddish mark. "Unfortunately your elvish genes only allow you to increase your resilience, and not your strength."  
"You really find that unfortunate?" she teased. "I think you secretly love it."  
"I do love your becoming more resistant," he admitted. "For quite a few reasons. Yet, strength has it's own advantages."

She could see that. If she ever was to set foot in Asgard she would be hopelessly outclassed. And as Loki's significant other... well, there might be people hating her by association. 

She tried not to think about that.

"Do you ever get the feeling that we are a little... weird?" she said, reaching back to touch a strand of his raven black hair with her fingers.  
"All the time, love. All the time." He held her closer. "Would you want it any other way?"


	49. Unrestrained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's more than one kind of magic...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turned out an extra long chapter. Hope you don't mind ;-)

She had convinced Loki to train her in magic again. He'd been hesitant ever since the time she'd accidently blown his glamour to pieces and exposed what he called his "true form". She still wasn't sure why it made him so uncomfortable, and he would resist most attempts to poke deeper into it. The frost giants were old enemies of Asgard, they were repulsive; that was it.

She sat on the bed, facing him, while their hands touched, his fingers cool against hers. There was something truly intimate about this, despite them being so much closer when wrapped around each other in sleep or in sex. She wanted to rub her thumbs over those fingers, trace the lines where they folded, find those tiny scars left from centuries of wielding weapons and magic. The ultimate combination of strength and dexterity.

"Now focus!" Loki said, subtle tension in his voice, which she only detected because she knew him too well to miss it. He was still on his guard for unwanted effects.

Closing her eyes she felt something flutter. It was so faint it could have been her imagination, but it was also a different sensation from what she remembered. Not by much; she would not have been able to put words on it had she tried, but it was there. It drifted through her veins, spreading further up her arms like tendrils of glowing smoke.  
"Do you feel it?" Loki asked.  
"Yes..." She was almost afraid of loosing the feeling by talking, like the slightest move would make it vanish.  
"Manipulate it! Carefully."

She did so, nudging it just a little bit to see what would happen. One of the tendrils changed direction ever so slightly. She did it again and again till she was sure it wasn't just imagination. Magic was bending to her will.

"Open your eyes!" he demanded, and as she did her eyes caught a very faint, green glow emanating from her palm and forearm. In the next moment it was gone.  
"You need to learn to recognize it in yourself," Loki said. "It is there, merely unused."

She kept turning her hand back and forth, amazed at what she had seen and felt.  
"Yes," she said. "I really have it, don't I?"  
"Did you doubt?" He seemed equally amused and dubious.  
"I didn't grow up with the idea that magic is normal, you know. Most people don't even believe it exists."  
Loki all but shook his head at such nonsense.  
"There is so much you mortals do not know, and it's like you're proud of your ignorance."  
"Revolting, I know." She held on to his hands. "Would it make a difference that I'm part elf now? It didn't feel the same as last time."  
"It is possible," Loki said. "Your magic was there all along, channeled into your portal creation. Perhaps it's been made more accessible to you."

She pondered that.  
"It was never this difficult for you, was it?"  
"I began learning quite young, and I've had many more years to practice, to refine my skill."

Of course. She only saw the end result, not the effort and dedication he'd put in to get there.

Loki let go of her hands and made something appear between his own.  
"Since you did so well you deserve a reward", he said, turning the small, ornate jar between his long fingers.  
"Is that what I think it is?" she asked expectantly.  
"It is indeed; I was able to obtain some during my trip. I was merely awating the right moment."

Yes, this was a treat; she could see why he wanted to make it special.

"Lie down, darling!"  
Like last time she lay on her belly with her head on his lap. He began applying the powder over her shoulders and back, moving downwards without hurry. The scent was pleasant and she closed her eyes, enjoying the intimacy and the sensation of the powder sinking into her skin.

When he was done with her lower back he put the jar down for a bit, and started running his fingers back and forth over her shoulders. She shuddered under the touch.  
"Tease!"  
"Where would the fun be without it?" Loki said, continuing his ministrations. "Since you responded so well last time, I think we should take it a step further."  
"What do you mean?" She wanted to lift her head, but he held her down.  
"You will see." His palms caressed her back, making her moan. It was increasingly difficult to keep her hips still, as every touch seemed to go straight to the area between her legs.  
"Be still," he murmured, a threat lurking in his tone.  
"Or else?"  
"I will have to restrain you, perhaps even... punish you."

She felt him harden as he said it. Clearly he found the idea enticing. She wondered what kind of punishment he had in mind. Loki didn't threat unless he was prepared to follow through.

Finally he picked up the jar again and moved to sit behind her, where he began brushing the powder over her legs and backside.   
He was kneeling between her thighs, which forced her to keep them wide apart to make space. It also meant he had a good overview over every unvoluntary move she made.

He was still dressed, as opposed to her, and she could feel the leather of his pants against the skin of her inner thighs. It was highly erotic and made it even more difficult to remain still.

"Mmm..." Loki purred, leaning down to plant a kiss on her back. She flinched at the unexpected contact, gasping as he kept moving his mouth along her spine till he reached her tailbone. She was breathing heavily as he slid his hands over her backside, squeezing his thumbs into the flesh right underneath.   
"No squirming," he warned, before continuing with caressing the back of her legs, carefully avoiding the place where she wanted him most.

"Just wait till I get the chance to do this on you," she said between moans, hands clenching at the sheets. It was getting unbearable quickly.  
He stilled, hands resting on her shins.  
"Is that what you'd want?" he asked. There was something in his tone she hadn't expected. Was he actually surprised?  
"It would be fair, wouldn't it?"

He began massaging her again. She shifted her leg which rendered her a mild but potent slap on the behind.  
"Ow!"  
"I will think about it," he said. "Now turn around and do as I tell you!"  
She did so, lying on her back carefully. It wasn't just the spank she'd recieved, but the entire back of her body that was sensitive when pressed against the bed.  
"Loki..."  
"That's the only coherent word you're allowed to say from now on," he stated, voice firm. "My name only."  
"What if I...?"  
He pressed a finger against her lips.  
"My name only. Don't make me tell you again!"

_Or what? I'm on my back now, so he can hardly spank me._

She thought it safest not to ask. Loki was nothing if not creative.

He started brushing powder over her chest, carefully avoiding her nipples, and she remembered him saying once that it could be too much to apply it to already sensitive areas. She wondered what that would feel like, and exactly where _he_ had put it that time he'd done it to himself.

As before he had positioned himself between her legs, effectively keeping her from closing them. He was clearly aroused, eyes dark as midnight as they took her in. He was beautiful like this, she thought, so intense he all but radiated passion.

He applied the powder to her belly and thighs before putting the jar away. As he bent forward his legs brushed against hers and she sucked in air between her teeth, bucking up against the touch. He gave her a warning look and she forced herself still. Only then did he lean further and touched his lips to hers, slowly and deliberately. He was holding himself up on his forearms so he barely touched her, making her want to reach up and pull him closer. Even more so as his clothes vanished and she could feel his cool skin just barely moving against hers. It was borderline torture, and he knew it.  
"Loki...," she moaned, pleading shamelessly for attention.  
"You are mine," he murmured against her lips, "and I will have you any way, anywhere, and anytime I so desire."

He kissed her again, deeper, and she couldn't keep herself from grabbing his arms and press up against him. It was worth whatever prize she'd have to pay for it.

Of course he knew she wouldn't be able to resist.

He moved his mouth to her neck and bit down, hard. She cried out.

_Damn it, he did draw blood, I can feel it._

He used his mouth to caress her neck, her chest, her breasts, sucking and licking eagerly, while running his hands over her sides and hips, squeezing, stroking, rubbing. It was delicious. He hooked an arm under her knee and pushed inside her with no resistance at all, one swift movement all the way to the hilt. It was like her whole body was on fire from sensations. He lifted her other knee over an arm as well, leaving her powerless under his will and open to deep, powerful thrusts.

All she could do was moan and dig her fingers into his forearms as he pounded into her.

"I will never let you go," he said hoarsely, gazing into her eyes, his own hooded from unrestrained lust. "You belong to me... till your very last breath."

And she shuddered at the pleasure that coursed through her body, saying his name over and over again, clenching around him till he let out a long groan, forced himself as deep as he could and emptied himself inside her.

Letting go of her legs he dropped down on top of her. She closed her eyes, holding him tightly, indulging in closeness while catching her breath.  
"I will never give you up," she whispered, embracing the magic that was theirs.


	50. Overwhelmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things take a turn, or two, for the unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, I'm going to butcher certain scenes from "The dark world", putting them in the context of this story.

She and Loki were at the stables when they came. Loki suddenly grew tense and moved in front of her, but there was little time to react before they were surrounded on all sides. Even with his extraordinary fighting skills it could only end one way.

They were brought to Asgard via the Bifrost, and had the circumstances been any different she would have found it breathtaking. The golden palace rose into the sky beyond the far end of the rainbow bridge as they turned their backs to the observatory and it's imposing gate-keeper. She had never imagined anything like this.

There was no opportunity to talk; whenever she tried she was firmly silenced. Loki was bound with heavy chains, which seemed excessive, but it said something about how dangerous they thought him to be. Her own restraints were considerably lighter. The only power of hers they needed to fear was her portal-weaving and that was unusable, as they kept moving at all times. She wondered if they even knew about it.

At least she and Loki hadn't been separated, which she was glad for.

They were transported to the palace and brought to what turned out to be a throne room.  
"Why is everything so big?" she whispered as they were escorted towards the doors. The nearest guard immediately gave her a warning nudge, and Loki was given no opportunity to answer before the doors swung open and they had to enter. His back was straight and his face unreadable, and she suddenly remembered that the last time he'd set foot in this realm he had tried to kill himself.

There was one person in the throne room she recognized.

_Did you betray us?_

Queen Frigga had seemed genuinely moved to see Loki back in Alfheim; it was hard to believe she had turned around and given them up once she'd returned home. Now she looked honestly worried.

The king was watching them intently as they were coming closer. He looked older than expected and, just like in the myths, he had only one functioning eye.

After a short silence he spoke:  
"I have little time for this, as things stand, but I will hear you. My verdict, however, will be delayed to a more suitable time."  
To her horror Loki slapped his feet together and laughed.  
"I really don't see what all the fuss is about."  
"Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes?" Odin asked. "Wherever you go there is war, ruin... and death."  
"I went down to Midgard to rule the people of Earth as a benevolent god... just like you."

The tone in Loki's voice made her wince. This... was not good.

The king went on with something about them not being gods, but she was focused on Loki, hoping, wishing, that he would tone down the act. He didn't look at her, concealing all emotion behind a broad smirk.

"All this because Loki desires a throne," Odin concluded.  
"It is my birthright!" Loki said sharply.  
"Your birthright was to die!" the king raised his voice, leaning slightly forward. "... as a child, cast out onto a frozen rock. If I had not taken you in you would not be here now to hate me."  
He continued, now calmer:  
"You will both be placed in custody until such time as your fates will be decided."

They were escorted out again, but had barely a chance to glance at each other before Loki was taken away and she was forced in another direction. The last she saw was a glimpse of his black hair between the armoured guards that surrounded him.

* * *

She had no idea what justice and punishment looked like in Asgard. She had a vague memory of mythology speaking of horrific things like dropping snake venom on people, but this was supposedly a highly advanced society. They wouldn't still have medieval punishments, would they? She was afraid to ask.

At least she was comfortable for now. There was a guard outside the door, but she had a nice room to stay in, with a bed, some additional furniture and an adjacent bathroom. She wondered if Loki was so lucky.

Before being brought here she had been escorted to the Healear's room in the palace, appearently by instruction from queen Frigga. The healers didn't speak much, only revealed that they were to determine the outcome of the procedure she had so recently endured. She was fine with that; there hadn't been time for a final evaluation before they were captured and forced to leave Alfheim.

Hours later there was a polite knock on the door and the queen entered with Eleree and Meral in tow.  
"How are you faring?" Eleree asked.  
"Better than Loki," she said, unable to keep emotion out of her voice.  
"I understand."

Seeing the elves was unexpected. It turned out Eleree had arrived in Asgard on the queens's request to help shed light on the situation and, perhaps, help in influencing the king's decision.  
"Is Vaana here too?" she asked hopefully.  
"She is not," Eleree answered. "This requires a certain delicateness that Vaana does not possess."

Eleree was right of course. Vaana was outspoken to the point of being inappropriate, and should probably not be let anywhere near the Allfather's court. Yet, she missed the young elf woman. Vaana had a way of... making her feel safe.

Meral kept silent, but he gave off a vibe that was less insecure than last time. She wondered what had brought that on. Maybe the seriousness of the situation. He must be worried about Loki too.

"We need to discuss the matter at hand," Frigga said. "Let us sit for a moment."  
The four of them settled in the alcove by the window, the eternal beauty of Asgard on the other side.  
She could barely look at it. Right now Asgard represented everything she hated.  
"Our healers have the preliminary results," Frigga announced. "You are indeed part elf and your genes should guarantee a life span of at least a thousand years, probably more. You're also more resistant to injuries and disease than the average mortal."

_At least a thousand years..._

It was expected, of course, but still... Her mind couldn't grasp it. Not yet.

"Although this does not mean you will be allowed to remain in Asgard," the queen continued, "you may not be sent back to Midgard either. It is most likely you'll be allowed to return to Alfheim if you so desire."  
"What about Loki?" she asked, wanting to get to the most important part.  
"There is yet one thing," Frigga cautioned her. "The healers also found... that you are pregnant."


	51. Dire consequenses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking about the situation, and a visit to the dungeons.

"What!? No, no, no. That's not possible."  
"It is still early," Frigga said. "You would not have noticed yet."  
"But Loki said... I've... No, it can't be." A thousand thoughts were swishing through her head. It wasn't possible, was it? She'd run out of her old contraceptives, but Loki's magic was supposed to pick up the slack. Unless he'd forgotten. Or...  
"I need to speak with Loki," she said, hiding her shaking hands under the table.  
"I will try to arrange it," Frigga said. "For now we will not speak about this outside these chambers. The healers will share their findings with no other than me."

She wasn't sure why the secrecy was important, but there were other things occupying her mind at the moment. Pregnant... ooh no. This was not meant to happen.

"It will not necessarily lead to anything," Eleree pointed out. "You do know that many pregnancies end early, especially when the parents are of different species?"

_You don't know how different._

"I know," she managed to get out.  
"So be careful with hoping just yet."

_Hoping... Oh my god. Loki, what have we done?_

They moved on to talking about Loki's situation. He was currently in a cell in the dungeons, awaiting the Allfather's verdict. It pained her to think of him alone down there, not knowing his conditions, not knowing if she'd ever see him again. And now a pregnancy to top it off. They had been together less than a year; this was not supposed to happen. 

None of it was supposed to happen.

"There is a strong possibility that Loki will be detained for a very long time," the queen said.  
"But he won't be...? I mean, he..." She couldn't bear to say it. The thought made her sick.  
"His life is not forfeited," Frigga confirmed. "Of that much I can assure you. I will attempt to make my husband see reason, but if I cannot sway him... 

The conversation went on, but she had to struggle to focus on what was being said. Once it was over the queen lingered, wanting a word with her alone.

"Is this what you wish for?" Frigga asked, indicating her condition.  
"I don't know, I... I need to think."  
"It was unexpected. I understand." Frigga's voice was gentle, more caring than regal at this point. "There is something I have to tell you, and it may come as yet another shock. Do you know what Loki is?"  
"That he's adopted... and a frost giant? Yes, he told me." She could only assume this was what the queen was referring to.  
Frigga nodded.  
"That is true. Only our family knows about this, but it's important in your situation that you know as well. It will affect your child, would it go to term, and perhaps you as well."  
"Loki told me children of mortals and frost giants are unheard of."  
"You are not purely mortal, but the same applies. Yes, it's unheard of and we don't know why it is so. It appears the reason is not limited compatibility, but something else."

She didn't care about the reason. It didn't matter. All that mattered was...

_Loki, how am I going to get through this without you?_

"There may be risks involved," Frigga cautioned. "We have no way of predicting what will happen, and you should be under close supervision would you wish to go through with this."  
"Yes... yes, I can see that."  
"Eleree and Vaana are both skilled at what they do, but they have little knowledge about the physiology of mortals. I would prefer to keep an eye on the developments myself, but I may not be able to."

Of course she would. It would be her grandchild if... 

"I need to talk to Loki before I decide anything," she said. "And I need to think."  
"Of course you do," Frigga said, smiling kindly. "There is much right now that is uncertain. Just remember you will not be alone, dear, whatever may come to pass. I understand Loki's friends on Alfheim has taken to you, and they are more than willing to help, would you need them."

* * *

It was later that day Frigga sent a guard to escort her and Meral to the dungeons, granted with permission to see Loki. Meral had taken it on himself to go with her whenever she left her rooms, and she was grateful for it. Even though he was young he was company, and she didn't feel quite so small and exposed in this foreign world were everything seemed so... big.

It was strange to think that Loki had grown up here, that he'd walked these golden halls like he belonged.

"Have you ever been here?" she asked quietly as they walked behind the guard.  
"I have not," Meral said. "Prince Loki did at times speak of his home, but it is the first time I see it for myself."

She wondered if Loki still could see it as his home, or if such feelings were long gone.

The dungeons were nothing like she'd expected. They were underground as the word suggested, but the cells were brightly lit with white walls and completely open to view through a sort of energy barrier. She frowned at the lack of privacy, but didn't comment while the guard could hear.

She and Meral were let into the cell and the guard left them alone.

Loki seemed to expect them; he wasn't surprised to see them arrive.   
"I was worried about you," she said and threw her arms around him, dignity be damned. Loki held her close, like he wanted to absorb her presence into himself. He exchanged a few words with Meral who then went to sit by the barrier, giving them privacy and trying to look like he wasn't listening.

"I am well enough, considering the circumstances," Loki said, still with his arms tightly around her. She closed her eyes to feel him more intensely and forget the situation they were in for a moment. "Have you been treated properly?"  
"Yes, I have my own room, and Meral escorts me when I go out. There's talk about sending me back to Alfheim rather than to Earth."  
"That is good," Loki said, relaxing somewhat. Then after a pause: "I sense you are holding something back from me."

_Damn mindreader! He always knows._

"There is one thing... Can we sit down?"  
"There is only the floor, I'm afraid." He pulled her down with him till they were sitting against the wall. Loki held an arm around her and she took his other hand between hers, not knowing how to start.  
"I'm... I..." She swallowed. "Your mother had the healers examining me."  
Loki stiffened.  
"And what did they find?"  
"They... found that the treatment worked. I should live at least a thousand years."

_And what good is that when you won't be there with me?_

"And what else?" Loki asked, voice curt.  
"They also said... I'm pregnant."  
There was a silence that seemed to drag on forever. Her head was on Loki's shoulder; she couldn't see his face.  
"What do you wish to do?" His voice was almost a whisper. She imagined him going through the same inner turmoil she had.  
"I don't know," she admitted. "I didn't expect this, I thought..."  
"That my magic would protect you," he filled in. "I may have... forgotten once or twice."  
She felt him taking a deep breath.  
"I did not intend to get so carried away," he said, "but I won't deny that it happened."

No, she could see that. And she couldn't really blame him. Things got really passionate between them at times.

"Eleree says it may not even lead to anything."  
"That is true." 

They were silent for a bit. Loki was rubbing her hands with his thumb, the only outward sign of whatever was going on in his mind.  
"You don't have to go through with this," he said finally. "Especially since I may not be there for you."

It hurt to hear him say it. Say what had been on her mind the whole time since they arrived in Asgard.

_"I may not be there."_

"I know."

They stayed quiet and close until the guard came back and announced that their time was up. She reluctantly let go and stood, but Loki pulled her close again and she kissed him longingly.

_It may be the last time._

She didn't know if she'd be allowed any more visits. Did the king even know about this one?

When she stepped out of the cell and turned around she saw Loki and Meral talk briefly, then the elf left as well.

When they returned to her room, Thor was waiting for them.


	52. Doing what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An inevitable confrontation and a late night decision.

Thor spent what felt like a long time just looking at her before saying anything.

Meral was hoovering in the background, having insisted on staying even though she was safely back in her own room. She hadn't heard what he and Loki had said to each other, their voices being kept low, but now she suspected the elf might have renewed his promise to look after her since Loki couldn't do so himself.

"My mother has informed me why you are here," Thor finally said.

_And just how much did she inform you about?_

She was not going to mention the pregnancy unless he brought it up first. It was not something she wanted to discuss with Thor, especially considering their last encounter.

"Then you know that Loki and I are still together," she said instead.  
"I will not profess to understand," he said. "Our mother seems to believe you are truly devoted to each other, although I find it difficult to trust Loki being capable of such."  
She frowned.  
"Is it really so difficult to believe that he can have feelings for someone? That he doesn't just use and manipulate people, like you seem to think?"

Thor looked towards a painting on the wall but with an expression like he didn't really pay attention to what was there. He looked worn, she noticed, and she had to wonder if it was truly all about her and Loki. What had he been up to during all this time?  
"He is no longer the brother I used to know. There are many things he likely has not told you."  
"He's told me quite a bit," she said defensively, "and I've heard things from his friends too."  
Thor's gaze shifted briefly to Meral who stood by the window.  
"Then you are aware of his actions before leaving Asgard?"  
"That he was appointed king, but your friends betrayed him? Yes, I know that. I also know that he tried to destroy an entire realm and ended up trying to kill himself when everything fell apart." There was defiance in her tone now, but she couldn't be bothered to restrain it.  
"Our friends did what they believed to be right," Thor said.  
" _Your_ friends did what they wanted, with no regard to Loki's position at all."

Thor opened his mouth as to say something, but seemed to change his mind.  
"Do you truly trust him?" he asked instead.  
"Yes," she said simply. "He's never hurt me, never disrespected or disappointed me in any way. He can be an ass, sure, but so can anyone."

Thor seemed to ponder that, or perhaps wrap his head around it.  
"And you have no desire to walk away, now you have your chance to do so?"  
She suddenly felt a surge of anger.  
"I'm not his fucking prisoner! I'm being forced to leave here, while he's being held for God knows how long. Do you have any idea how that feels? To be kept apart from someone you care about when you're absolutely powerless to do anything about it?"  
"I do know what it's like to be kept apart!" Thor frowned. "Of that I can assure you."  
"Good! Then you can put yourself in our position."

There was a pause. It felt like an insurmountable gap between them. No matter what she said he would not understand, and she suddenly wondered if this was what Loki had felt. Privilege makes blind, it keeps you from seeing other people's truth.

"You used your powers to liberate him from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s custody," Thor said.

Yes, of course that had to come up sooner or later.

"I did. And it was a good thing too. Do you know what S.H.I.E.L.D., what your allies did?" When she had his attention she continued: "They came up with a firearm that could penetrate Loki's skin, and coated the bullet in toxin."  
"What are you saying?" This was appearently news to Thor. He looked torn between scepticism and horror.  
"They didn't tell you? You can ask Eleree, if you want. She was the one who had to come up with an antidote. She said something about him not being far from Hel's doorstep, if I remember it right. You may not care, but if they can come up with something that can hurt Loki, they may well be ready to use it against you too, if they ever think you will be a threat."  
She crossed her arms and looked him straight in the eye to drive her point home.  
Thor was silent, but it looked like he had a lot to think about.

Their conversation didn't get much further, and he left shortly after.

"Is there anything you need?" Meral asked when the door closed.  
"No," she shook her head, "but thank you for staying."  
"It's my pleasure. My room is the one to your left. You can call on me any time you desire."

The elf really had developed a lot of confidence since they're first encounter. Or maybe he had just learned to hide his insecurities better.

"I may just do that. I appreciate what you're doing for us."

She didn't just say it to be nice. It _was_ helpful to have someone there, someone to help ground her in this storm of fear and uncertainty. Someone who was on the same page.  
Eleree might be more mature, but she wasn't exactly the comforting kind.

Once alone she wandered aimlessly back and forth, going over her conversation with Loki in her head. She sat down on the bed, putting a hand on her lower belly.

_Is this to be all I have left of you?_

She could no longer imagine a life without him. She'd never let anyone so close, made anyone such an intimate part of her life. It was more than love, it was... belonging. Like they were meant to be together. She didn't believe in predestination, or soul mates, or anything of the kind; this was something else, something fundamental in their way of relating to each other. They were so different, yet so alike in some ways, so compatible. Even in the midst of fighting there was a sense of trust.

She threw herself back on the bed with a frustrated sound. All she did was torturing herself. The powerlessness, the wait... Why couldn't the king make his fucking decision already? What was so important that he couldn't take the time...?

Thor had had half-healed scratches on his hands and face, his clothes looking like he'd been through rough times... Hadn't she heard someone in Alfheim talk about an uprising somewhere? Marauders? It had seemed so far away; she hadn't really paid attention.

Turning on her side she tried to think about something soothing, which brought her back to Loki; how he used to hold her close in sleep. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine it, forcing her mind to turn away from the worries of the external world.

* * *

She woke with a start. It was all dark outside. Getting up she walked to the window and looked out. Well, she had had dinner before visiting Loki in his cell, so it wasn't overly surprising that the day was over. Everything seemed quiet. She figured out how to open the window and leaned out. Nothing beyond some insects chirping and what might have been music _very_ far away.

Next she walked to the door and listened, but concluded that the guard most likely hadn't left his duty just because it was night. There was only one thing to do, now the palace was sleeping. She weaved the portal.


	53. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some privacy and magical counter-measures.

As much as she aimed to step out near Loki's cell, or preferably inside it, she actually found herself near the entrance. Luckily there were no guards in sight. Apprehensively she walked between the cells, trying to ignore the curious looks from their inhabitants. Not all of them were sleeping, despite the late hour, and she didn't feel all that comfortable with their eyes following her.

Someone had furnished Loki's cell with a bed, most likely his mother, and he was sitting on it with his back to the wall, arms over his raised knees. He seemed to be deep in thought and only looked up when she approached the barrier.

Upon seeing her, he immediately set his feet on the floor and walked closer.  
"Why are you here?"  
"I came to see you," she said.  
He glanced around.  
"Alone?"  
"They don't know I'm here," she said. "Can I come in?"

He hesitated, then took on a more serious tone.  
"There are magical defences weaved into this barrier. They will disrupt your powers."  
"What's the worst that could happen?" she asked, reaching out to the energy field with her fingertips, but quickly withdrawing them when she felt a sharp sting. "Ouch!"  
Loki moistened his lips, once again checking their surroundings for guards.  
"You would hurt yourself."  
"But I won't actually go through it, will I? I'll bypass the thing, taking a shortcut." She didn't know exactly how the portals worked in a physical sense, and neither did Loki, though she knew he was determined to figure it out.  
"Being near it may still affect the stability of your portal," he warned.

Well, she was not going to make that deter her when she'd come this far.

_It's not like I have much to loose, is it?_

Ignoring Loki's protests she summoned the energy between her hands and watched it grow. When the rift began to widen she directed it forward, waited impatiently for the right moment and stepped through.

It was like having something hard slammed sideways into her; she saw stars and lost her footing as she stepped out, but Loki caught her in his arms before she could fall face first into the floor.  
"You foolish, self-willed..." he hissed while holding her securely against him.  
"Yeah, like you didn't challenge the king when we stood before him," she mumbled, trying to clear her head.  
"His mind was already set; my actions made little difference." He surveyed her face and frowned. "You are bleeding." Only then she felt the trickle of blood under her nose. Loki wiped it off with his thumb and focused for a moment. A faint green light flickered and the bleeding stopped.

He took her to his bed to sit down.  
"You will never again ignore what I tell you!" he scolded, grabbing her hair and forcing her to look at him. His eyes were red-rimmed.

_Has he been crying?_

She didn't dare ask.

"I'm sorry," she said.  
"That you are not," he huffed and sat beside her. "I should punish you for this."  
"I'm glad to see you, too."

Just to be safe, and to have some privacy, Loki created an illusion of himself alone, sleeping, in the cell. 

"I will not let you leave until you have recovered," he said.  
She placed a hand on his thigh.  
"I just want some time with you."  
He put his own hand on top of hers, rubbing it slowly.  
"Odin will announce his verdict tomorrow. I don't expect leniency."

No, after the words Loki's so-called father had uttered in the throne room, neither did she.

"Your mother brought Eleree here to help convince him. I'm guessing something like testifying on your behalf."  
Loki snorted, something he very rarely did. It sounded strange in her ears.  
"Eleree was never overly fond of Odin, and I believe the sentiment to be mutual."  
"Loki..." she said sheepishly.  
"What?"  
"I think I need to throw up."

It was embarassing to admit, but it couldn't be helped, and she didn't want to do it on the floor.

Loki grumbled something and helped her stand up, then carefully led her up to a sliding door at the back wall and pushed it open. He held her hair up when she did what she needed to do, and had her rinse her mouth after.  
"This should teach you a lesson," he said.

* * *

"I could get us both out of here," she suggested.

They were back on the bed; him sitting with his back against the wall again, she lying down with her head on his lap.  
"You are not to put yourself at risk. It would require not only leaving this cell but the dungeons entirely; you don't know your way in Asgard."

True, she needed to know where she was going, and she hadn't seen much beyond the Bifrost and the palace, neither being suitable locations to bring Loki right now.

"I could open a random portal," she said. "Then we find our way from there."  
Loki seemed to seriously consider her words.  
"And what if something goes wrong? If the barrier disrupts your magic once more and tears you apart? I will not let you do this again."  
He rested his hand on her lower belly. Maybe it wasn't conscious, maybe it was.

"You would also need to hold the portal open longer," he said, "which increases the risk."  
"Not by much." She didn't want to argue, but thought Loki could be convinced it she was persistent enough. He had a tendency to go instantly protective when something happened, but once there was some distance to the event he usually went back to thinking straight.

She reached up to caress his cheek.  
"It's still some time till morning, right?"  
"They won't bring the breakfast meal for hours yet."  
"Good."

There would be plenty of time to decide what to do. She would have to leave the cell eventually, whether Loki would follow or not, and preferably before anyone noticed she was missing.

For now they were together, everything else could wait.


	54. Caged passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> True passion will not be contained, and neither will mischief.

"How do you think they found us?" she asked when they were snuggled up together in his bed. It wasn't very wide, due to the limited space in the cell, but they were used to lie close, so it didn't matter.  
"I do not know, but I will make sure to find out." His tone was grim; whoever was responsible would live to regret it.

Her hand was resting on his ribcage, under his clothes, her thumb absently rubbing over the hairs on his chest. Loki put his hand over hers.  
"You will be careful, or I may not be able to resist you."  
"Why do you want to resist?" she asked. There was a noticable hardness pushing against her thigh, and had been for some time.  
"Because you are injured, and I do not intend to harm you further."  
"You can't harm me," she smiled. "I'm a lot more resilient now, remember?"

Loki muttered something under his breath. He was clearly getting frustrated. She leaned in and took his earlobe between her tongue and teeth. He twitched and turned his head to look at her.  
"Are you trying to drive me mad, woman? I should call the guards and have them escort you back to where you belong."  
"But you won't."  
He quickly turned over and pinned her down.   
"You are growing insolent, and I will not have it." With a leg between hers he lowered himself on top of her and forced her mouth open, kissing her roughly. Lifting her thigh up over his arm he pressed himself hard against her core, making her flinch and gasp despite the clothes still separating them. She closed her eyes, indulging in the sensations his body induced in her. It hadn't been that long, but it sure felt like it, considering all that had happened.

Loki removed their clothing and let out a long, shivering breath as his naked skin made contact with hers. He buried his mouth in her neck, moaning softly. She spread her legs to accomodate him, feeling a rush of arousal already. Her hands wandered over his back, tracing the lean muscles and the faint scars he never wanted to talk about. She knew every one of them by touch.  
"Loki..." she whispered, savoring the way his name felt on her tongue. She rubbed her inner thighs against his hips, sliding her legs along his for the sensual pleasure the contact ellicited.

He sighed against her neck, lifting his head to look at her as his fingers slipped in between her folds. His eyes were dark as night, lips parted to expose his teeth. She squirmed under his touch, unable to keep still as his slick fingers caressed her every way he knew how.  
"It is a good thing you're already pregnant, or I would make you," he hissed, and there was something incredibly arousing about those words. She knew it was only the heat of the moment, but it barely mattered; the thought was exhilarating and made her spontaneously squeeze around his fingers.

Loki removed them slowly and inserted his length, carefully at first, then pushing deep in a single thrust. He looked like he was about to give in to release right then and there, but maintained enough control to keep moving, closing his eyes and digging his fingers into her thigh just beneath her backside. It was pure bliss.

They were far from home, their future uncertain, and she honestly wasn't in her best condition physically, but this moment were theirs and theirs alone. There was nothing between them except simple, unadultered pleasure and a wish to see the other succumb to it.

_If we never see each other again, this I will remember._

She pushed back against him, angling her hips to get the most stimulation, moaning shamelessly as he ravished her neck with his mouth. When approaching his peak he took her wrists, pinning them easily with one hand while thrusting into her with little restraint. Perhaps trusting her new resilience, he seemed to find no reason to hold back like in the past. She shuddered from the onslaught, letting herself be caught up in the storm of sensations. Not that she could have resisted if she wanted to; he wouldn't let her go.

"You are mine," he exclaimed hoarsely, barely coherent, and let himself go with half-closed eyes and utter abandon. She could feel the faint coldness of his release deep inside.  
Holding her as tightly as before he remained in place till the breathing of them both returned to normal, and his weight started becoming a burden. He withdrew slowly, reluctantly, and turned on his side before pulling her close again.  
"I need you to wait for me," he said. "I need to know that you will be safe."

* * *

She woke up to screaming, someone being in horrendous pain from the sound of it.

Loki was already standing by the barrier, fully dressed and watching whatever was going on. She quickly got her clothes on and went up to join him.  
"What is it?" she asked, alarmed.  
"A break-out, from the look of it." The screaming had stopped but some of the prisoners were out on the floor between the cells. One, looking especially huge and hideous, was moving from cell to cell, destroying the barriers and letting more out.  
"Am I still invisible?" she asked.  
"You are. I was going to slip you out when the guards come with our meals, but I don't think they will find that a high priority right now."

Indeed. They would have way more important business to attend to. As she was watching the guards came running, clashing with the prisoners, but they weren't many enough to push them back. The big, scary one that had let the others out stopped by Loki's cell and the two measured each other like predators. She had to remind herself she couldn't be seen, or she would have stepped back from the sheer danger the creature radiated. 

Loki held his ground though, never breaking eye contact as a smirk graced his lips. The other backed off, but before he could turn away Loki spoke:  
"You might want to take the stairs to the left."

"Why did you do that?" she asked once they were alone.  
"Just a bit of fun, really," Loki replied. "To give Odin something to do lest he gets bored." He turned to get a book that was lying next to the bed. Another gift from Frigga, she guessed. Then he sat down next to the barrier and seemed to relax. She sat on the floor next to him and leaned back against the wall with her arms resting over her knees. There was little else to do, and she couldn't bear leaving just yet, though she should.  
"You really like to fuck things up, dont you?"  
"When the opportunity presents itself, why not?" he said. He reached out to bring her face closer and gave her a light kiss on the temple, then opened his book and began reading, chaos still reigning outside.


	55. Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

A glimpse of red outside caught her attention. It appeared that Thor had joined the fray. Now, that seemed to have a better effect in subduing the prisoners. She watched with interest as the fighting intensified; seeing Thor in action was always impressive and few could stand against him. He knew it too; she could tell that he was enjoying himself.

Everything came to a halt when the dungeons shook from an impact somewhere above them.

_What the fuck was that?_

Loki stood up, looking wary. She got to her feet as well, noticing with concern the dust that was raining down from walls and ceiling. She certainly hoped everything wasn't about to collapse over their heads.  
"What do you think is happening?" she asked.

From the look of it he was going over possibilities in his head, but instead of answering he turned to her abruptly, grabbing her forearms.  
"I should not ask this of you, love," he said, "but I need you to bring us to the palace. Not your rooms, somewhere... central."

She could only think about the throne room, but certainly didn't want to come out there, so chose a hallway they had passed through on their way to meet the king. It was clear enough in her memory to use as a target.

She didn't know why Loki had changed his mind on letting her portal them out of the cell, but his tone was too serious to waste time on questions. She did as he asked, preparing for whatever backlash might hit her on the way. For Loki's sake, as well as for her own, she hoped it wouldn't be too extreme.

They came out where she'd planned, close together with Loki's arms wrapped around her to minimize the time she needed to hold the portal open. He held her upright when the pain hit and he didn't let her go until she could stand on her own, shaky as she was.  
"Don't you get affected?" she asked, searching for signs of discomfort while battling her own nausea. Beyond a strained look on his face, there was nothing.  
"I have endured worse. Come!"

There were sounds of fighting nearby and something resembling artillery fire from outside. It didn't take them long to come across the first body: one of the guards, lying in a growing pool of his own blood. That was enough to tip the scale on her already unstable stomach. She leaned behind a pillar and threw up on the floor.

_Sorry, king Odin, but I think vomit in your precious palace is the least of your worries right now._

"This is not just a prison break, is it? she said, wiping her mouth.  
"No," Loki confirmed, voice grim as he moved forward with vigilance. "Stay close to me at all times."  
"What is going on?"  
"I intend to find out."

The one body quickly turned into several, many of them guards, but some... differently looking.  
"What _are_ they?" She had never seen anything like it.  
"Judging from the old tales, these are dark elves," Loki informed her. "They're supposed to be extinct for millennia."

_What the fuck is going on here?_

She didn't know where Loki was taking her, but he seemed to know where he was going. Staying away from the active fighting they only met resistance once. Three of the so-called dark elves faced them as they turned a corner and she quickly stepped away, giving Loki space to deal with them. She had her basic training from SHIELD and Loki had taught her some more, but this was way out of her league. 

Loki's fighting style was different from Thor's; no boosting, just grim, lethal determination. He moved swiftly, dagger in hand, and finished off the enemy with barely a scratch to himself. 

Passing more dead guards they eventually made their way to another pair of gold-ornated doors.

_What is it with Asgardians and their gold? And the inflated size of everything..._

Loki shoved her behind him and used his magic to open the doors, not leaving anything to chance.

No resistance met them however, merely silence. Loki took in the surroundings, then continued in a slower, more careful pace. She followed as quietly as she could, paying attention to his every move, knowing well that his senses superceded hers.

Suddenly he lashed out and ripped a side-door open.

Eleree and Meral stood before them, ready and armed. Someone else was huddling behind them, near the wall of the small space. Well... small for Asgardian measurements.

Meral gasped and let go of his sword, dropping to his knees with his head bowed.  
"I beg your forgiveness, Prince Loki, I wished of all my heart to protect her, but she was nowhere to be found. I would haved stayed and searched but..."  
Loki pulled the elf to his feet before he could finish.  
"It's alright; she was with me."

She felt a sting of guilt.  
"I'm sorry, Meral; I couldn't let anyone know."

Loki's eyes were on the unknown person behind them; a woman with long, brown hair.  
"This is Jane from Midgard," Eleree explained. "Frigga told us to protect her."

The look on Loki's face told her he already knew who the mortal woman was.

There was no time for introductions; they heard voices ahead, followed by the sounds of blade against armour. Loki moved on and she followed.

It was a magnificient sight, watching the queen fight. She moved like in a dance, only incredibly fast. They merely caught the last moments of it before she unarmed her opponent and put her sword to his throat. It was another one of the dark elves. Though the other ones had been wearing masks of some kind, this one did not.

It felt like the time stood still. The monstrous creature from the dungeons, the one that had incited the prison break, stepped out of the shadows. With terrifying ease he unarmed the queen and lifted her off her feet with only a hand around her throat.

A hand on her own arm startled her; she had let herself be too absorbed in what was playing before her eyes and forgotten to keep watch on her surroundings. Luckily it was Meral, seeming ready to pull her out of harm's way if needed. She briefly put her own hand on his for reassurance.  
"Where is Loki?" she frowned, only now noticing his abscence.  
"I do not know."  
Eleree and Jane both shook their heads at her question.

They all returned their attention to the scenario ahead when a voice roared through the room:  
"Witch!"  
Frigga smiled.  
The dark elf gave the monster a nod:  
"Kill her!"


	56. Bait and switch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will haunt your nightmares.   
> Music suggestion: "Love of my life" - Queen

The menacing creature holding queen Frigga pulled back his sword to ran it through her... only to be impaled himself. A spear of some kind suddenly protruded from his chest right next to the queens shoulder. She quickly took the opportunity to break free while the monster turned around to face it's assailant.

Loki.

Frigga was already stepping away into safety, sweeping up her own sword on the way and without hesitation approaching her former opponent; the dark elf barely had time to deflect the attack coming at him.

Loki was stepping away as well, circling the beast that seemed bizzarely _unfazed_ by the spear, turning out to be a bayonett, piercing it's body.

_What is that thing?_

How could someone possibly keep standing after...

What happened next would haunt her nightmares for ever.

There seemed to be a lot going on at once; Thor storming into the room, his hammer hitting the elf fighting the queen so she could deliver the killing blow, and Loki...

The creature grabbed him and pulled his body towards itself in one swift move, the bayonette ripping straight through Loki's chest and out his back, then pushed him away and let him fall backwards to the floor.

_No no no no no_

She couldn't breath. She couldn't breath.

Eleree and Meral were both holding her back and she couldn't think, couldn't scream, couldn't even say his name. Tears were obscuring her sight; she fought to get free, didn't understand why they were keeping her back when she needed to move.

Loki was holding his arms over his chest, shaking from pain.

"See you in Hel, monster!" he yelled at the creature, which suddenly jerked and tried to reach something on it's belt, but before it could do so was caught up in an energystorm that seemed to trap it in an agonizing, unrelenting grasp and pull it in on itself till there was nothing left.

There was a moment of complete silence.

The elves' grip on her finally loosened and she ran. So did Frigga. They reached him at the same time.

She placed a hand over his, another on his cheek. There was so much blood and so much pain, way too much of both.  
"Loki, please, stay with me!" she begged, brushing his hair out of the way with gentle fingers, caressing his face.  
"Dont..." he gasped, grasping at her hand. "Don't forget me!"  
"You'll be with me always," she said, feeling his life drifting as she spoke. "Whatever happens, we'll never be apart."

Thor was there as well and one quick look at his face told her he was devastated.  
"You fool!" he scolded, placing a trembling hand under Loki's head for support.

Frigga pushed Loki's arms aside and placed her hands over the entry wound, green flashes of magic sparkling around her fingers. Meral joined her, doing the same. His magic had a more turqoise tone to it. Elf magic.

"I'm sorry," Loki gasped. "I'm sorry." He couldn't stop shaking.  
"Shh... it's alright," Thor said. "It's alright."

Loki struggled to breathe and closed his eyes, becoming unresponsive.

Meral said something and Frigga nodded.  
"We can only hold it back for a short time. He needs to be taken to the healers quickly if he's to live."

_The healers... I know where they are._

She stood and took a step away to have clear space, then began weaving a portal. He arms were shaking from adrenaline, her eyes blurry from tears; she struggled to concentrate. Suddenly there was someone behind her and two slender hands stabilizing her upper arms, like Loki used to do back when she was new at practicing her skill. A light sensation flew through her arms; similar to Loki's magic but just a tiny bit different. Meral was supporting her.  
"When the portal is large enough, get him through!" she ordered without taking her eyes of the energy pulsing before her hands. The healers' room came into view on the other side. From her limited perspective it seemed undamaged by the attack on the palace, and she got a glimpse of movement; someone was there.

With Meral's help she managed to hold the passage open long enough for Thor to carry Loki through and Frigga following.  
"Go!" Meral said. "I will meet you there."  
And she did.

* * *

"You should get some rest, dear."  
"No."  
Frigga's voice was gentle and patient, hiding well the heartbreak that must be ruling her own mind.  
"Sacrificing your own well-being will not bring him back."

Loki was white as a sheet, his face motionless as his body was laid out under the forcefield surrounding the bed.  
"I can't. If it ends when I'm not here... I can't!"

Frigga took a seat next to her.  
"You do know that Loki was taken from us once before?"  
"Yes, he told me." She closed her eyes around the tears that threatened to start flowing again. It was a miracle there were any left; she'd never cried so much in her life.  
"He may never tell us what he went through and how he survived," Frigga said. "The scars he carries... the healers told me they may never fully fade."

_I know every one of them, every single one. Yet you would never tell me what caused them._

"It happened when he was with the Chitauri," she said.  
Frigga nodded slowly.  
"My son is a proud man, and he has always guarded his secrets well."  
"Too proud for his own good sometimes," she said.  
"That he is."

There was no sign of Loki breathing, any sign of life too miniscule for her mortal eyes to detect. If he passed she wouldn't know until the healers told her.  
"Yet not all scars are visible to the eye," Frigga continued, almost to herself. "Some are hidden too deep to see, only known by their bearer, and they are the hardest to heal."

* * *

When Frigga left, Thor came by. He was never able to stay for long, having duties elsewhere, but made up for it with frequent visits. They didn't speak many words, and he said nothing more about Loki's distrustfulness. He only sat there, watching his brother's lifeless face, like the weight of the world was burdening his shoulders. The mortal woman, Jane, had turned out to be his Midgardian girlfriend, though her reasons for being in Asgard were obscure.

Her eyes wandered to a bed further away where Meral was sleeping, looking more like a child than the adult he was trying to be. In the other end of the room Eleree was talking to one of the healers.

Her gaze turned back to Loki, unmoving and serenely beautiful in his silent battle with death.

_Do you know how loved you are? How deeply some of us wishes you to live? Thor may be the 'popular' one, but you... wherever you go you leave a mark. You can never be forgotten._

_You will never be forgotten._


	57. Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the edge of life and death.

The king came by once. He didn't stay long, only stood by Loki's bed, watching him silently before turning his eye to her. He didn't speak and she merely met his gaze, too tired to be afraid. Then he turned around and left.

Nobody tried to send her home.

Aside from herself and Frigga, it was Meral who spent the most time by Loki's bedside, only taking breaks when tiredness threatened to overwhelm him. Even then he would rather take his rest on an available bed nearby than return to his own rooms.

"I believed I could be of help," he said once, sitting across from her by Loki's bed, "which is why I insisted so much on coming along. I believed... I could be useful." He looked down on his hands, pale and slender. They were trembling slightly.  
"You were to me," she said. "I didn't feel so alone. And you helped me with the portal, and you helped with..." Her voice broke.  
"It was not enough," he said. Then with a lower voice: "It is never enough."

Eleree sternly ordered Meral to go clean up and have something to eat, and when he reluctantly left she took his place by the bed.   
"You ought to do the same!" she said.  
"I can't."

The elf woman was silent for a time. There was a tiredness around her eyes, the only sign of stress in her otherwise composed demeanor. 

The healers moved quietly about.

"Meral watched my brother die," Eleree said. "They tried to save him with magical means, but weren't quick enough."  
"Your brother?"

_My ancestor._

"Yes, Meral is his son."

* * *

At some point she fell asleep where she was sitting, and when she woke up something was different; something in her peripheral vision had changed. She looked to Loki. The force field around his bed was gone.

_No no no, why didn't they tell me?_

She stumbled to her feet and leaned over the bed. Loki was lying just like before, black curls framing his white face, hands resting half open on the sheet. There were no outer signs that anything had changed, that everything had shifted. That nothing would ever be the same.

She leaned over him till their faces touched, her forehead against his, their noses caressing. She closed her eyes, clutching the pain in her heart like a precious stone.

_You said you would never let me go!_

The seconds ticked by; she felt a cool waft against her lips.  
Holding her breath, she waited. Another one.  
Without moving away she reached with her hand and fumbled for his chest. It rose and sank slowly, almost unnoticable, yet in sync with every small whiff of air hitting her skin.

It took a long time before she dared to believe it. Before she dared straighten up and trust that all signs of life wouldn't cease once she let go of the contact.  
"He has been breathing on his own for almost an hour," Eleree's voice came from behind her back. "It is not over yet, but his chances are greatly improved."

She turned around.  
"He will live?"  
"It is likely. Perhaps now you will eat and rest."  
"In a bit." She sat back down, curling up in the chair like before. Frankly she couldn't remember when she last ate or drank anything. There was a vague memory of someone, one of the healers, offering her a drink of some kind, but beyond that she hadn't been able to swallow much.

Meral showed up, thin braids decorating his silvery hair. Overall he looked better than last she'd seen him and that made her wonder about her own appearence. She probably smelled too. Honestly she had no idea how long she'd been sitting there.

Eleree was right, of course. She could leave Loki now; it would likely be safe. She just didn't want to yet. For a little while longer she wanted to look at him without the obscuring force field, knowing that he was likely to live, rather than waiting for him to to be gone any moment.

She noticed Meral watching her hand fiddle with the green and black stone hanging from her neck.  
"It was the first thing he gave me," she said in explanation. "He used it to... track my feelings." 

Which she hadn't known, of course. Sneaky bastard.

When she finally went to eat and wash two guards escorted her. If the Asgardians hadn't been fully aware of her powers before, they certainly were now, and wouldn't take any chances. 

She wondered if they were going to put her in a prison cell once Loki recovered. Or if Thor would take her back to Earth to be imprisoned by S.H.I.E.L.D. They might well consider her too dangerous to merely be sent home after everything that had occured, especially if Loki was going to be held in Asgard for years to come. To them it must have seemed like she'd walked through walls and barriers with ease just to reach him.

But at least Loki would live.

She almost collided with Jane on the way back into the healer's room. The mortal woman looked tired, even drained, with dark circles under her eyes.  
"Oh, sorry," she said and continued on to sit by Loki's bed. Frigga was already there.  
"Were you able to eat something, dear?"  
"Yes, I'm fine, thank you."  
"I have to apologize for the guards," the queen said. "It's merely a precaution under the circumstances."  
"Yes, I understand." It made sense and she was not about to argue about armed escort when she was allowed to stay with Loki all this time.  
"I was not aware how far your abilities extended," Frigga continued. "Neither of my sons had informed me of how powerful you are."  
No, she could imagine that.  
"Thor didn't know," she admitted. "Loki actually helped me with it when I was learning. He said that powers should be honed, not suppressed."  
"That is true." Frigga smiled slightly. "Loki has always strived to be the best in whatever he finds worthy of pursuit. It is how he came to be a master of magic at such a young age."

She was watching Loki's sleeping form, tempted to reach out and touch his face, but feeling too self-conscious in front of the queen.

"That doesn't surprise me," she said.

_That doesn't surprise me at all._


	58. Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much can happen in a short time; so much can change.

The healers gave her that drink again, that she remembered from earlier. Frigga had explained that it was a nourishment for her pregnancy. If she would end up not continuing it the mixture wouldn't do any harm, in any case it would aid and support her health.

She was still undecided; keeping watch over Loki had taken up her thoughts up till now. 

Would she be ready to raise a child? A half frost giant, part human, part elf one? She had absolutely no idea what that would entail; it seemed all too overwhelming to think about.

Would the child have pointed ears? Probably not, but maybe an elf's lifespan. Would it be blue, like Loki's hands that time she had accidently exposed his true form? Or would the glamour magic take over and produce a result that seemed all human or Asgardian?

Would it inherit a tendency to magic, like Loki's? Or like her own?

There was a time she wouldn't have imagined considering these things. Less than a year ago she had moved into the Avengers tower, determined to do something positive with her powers. They had still been doing repairs from the Chitauri attack back then, and Loki had escaped S.H.I.E.L.D.'s custody merely weeks before.

It had been an exciting time. She was going to be part of something bigger, something important. Her particular talent had impressed S.H.I.E.L.D. enough that they wanted her as an asset, an avenger, once her powers were properly under her control.

And then, just as she had started to adjust to her new life, Loki had come along with his insufferable arrogance and relentless attempts at seducing her. And she had folded. Well, not right away, but still. She had given up everything she'd thought she'd wanted to follow him instead.

She rubbed her eyes. She couldn't believe just how much life had changed in such a short time.

A sound made her look up. Loki's eyes were open and he was looking at her.  
"You're awake!" She got out of the chair and kneeled by the bed.  
"App... arently." Even uttering one word seemed to take effort. He swallowed and wiggled his fingers. She took his hand, noticing how it felt even colder than normal.  
"Do you remember anything?" It was a good a thing to ask as any. She just wanted to reestablish their contact.

He was quiet for a moment, then closed his eyes and moistened his lips.  
"Mother..." he said.  
"She's fine. And everyone else too. Except for... you know, the bad guys." She was stroking his fingers soothingly, fighting an urge to just grasp him and hold him close. It would probably not be wise under the circumstances.

He seemed relieved.  
"It's over?"  
"Has been for some time," she said. "You've slept for days."  
"And you're still here?" He swallowed again.  
"Where else would I be?"  
"I thought... Odin would..."  
"Kick me out? Yes, I thought so too, but it doesn't seem to be happening. Not yet, anyway."

She suspected Frigga had a lot to do with that.

"You probably shouldn't talk too much," she said, feeling worried about the strain showing on his face.  
"Mmm..."

She was about to withdraw her hand, but he tried to hold on to it, despite his grip being weak. It was strange to see Loki so fragile; he had always been way stronger than her, even back when he was sick. It was the blood loss, she imagined.  
She held on to his hand till he fell back into sleep.

* * *

Next time he woke up was late into the night. She had tried to sleep but been forced to give up, instead returning to her chair by his bedside. It somehow felt more comfortable to her now than a bed. Maybe it was the closeness to Loki, or maybe her body had adapted and grown accustomed to it. They did have comfortable furniture in Asgard, she had to admit.

Loki stirred. 

She leaned forward and watched him intently. After a few seconds his eyelids fluttered and opened.  
"Welcome back," she said softly.  
Loki looked at her, then held out his arm invitingly.  
"Come her, love," he said, voice still a bit rusty.

She looked around but none of the healers were in sight. Quietly she slipped out of the chair and in under his covers, snuggling up close with a hand on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her.

They were lying like that for a while without speaking, Loki's eyes being closed once more. There was little need for words; she was simply enjoying having him close again, alive and breathing, his skin smooth and cool under her fingers. She turned her head to place a kiss next to his shoulder and he purred contently in response.  
"You would not be free of me that easily," he murmured.  
"You call this easy?" Most of his upper body was wrapped in bandages. They gave off a mild scent she couldn't quite identify; some sort of salve applied to stave off infection. It wasn't unpleasant, just foreign like so much else in this realm.

He smiled slightly.  
"Would you believe me were I to say I've endured worse?"  
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised."  
He chuckled and held her closer to him.  
"This time I desired to live, however."

She was lying with her head on his shoulder, taking care not to put any weight on his injuries. It was obvious that he was better; talking came with little effort and he was able to lift his arm.  
"I'm so glad I didn't loose you," she said. "You have no idea."

They stayed quiet for another while, indulging in each others' presence, then Loki put his hand over hers.  
"Have you... decided?"  
She hesitated.  
"I'm thinking of keeping it," she said, not daring to look up at his face. "Unless you're very much against it."  
Loki took a long breath. His hand tightened around hers.  
"It is not wise, you know this. Although I find myself... wishing you would at least consider it."

She remembered his unexpectedly good mood after the last time they had discussed the issue.

"I'm not sure I'm parenting material," she said, needing to air her doubts out loud.  
Loki huffed softly.  
"Neither am I. Can you see a more unfit father than this?"  
"Uh... I've met your adoptive one and frankly..."  
"I doubt that I would utters words like those," he interrupted her, "but I cannot guarantee much. When my temper gets the best of me... I may loose sight of what matters."  
"I know." She moved her hand over his chest in a light massage-like motion. "But you've never hurt me, beyond storming out and staying away for hours so I couldn't reach you. If it doesn't get worse than that I think we'll cope."  
"Hmm..."  
"What worries me," she began hesitantly, "is what will happen to us. Many relationships break when a child comes into the picture. People just can't handle the stress."  
Loki took a firm grip on her arm.  
"It will not happen to us. This is not Midgard where parents are left alone and isolated. Elves share the burden of parenthood, as do many other people in the nine realms."

She had to wonder if frost giants were included among those people, considering they saw it fit to dump unwanted children in temples. Well, maybe one thing didn't exclude the other.

"You see us staying in Alfheim? Cause I'm beginning to get used to that place."  
"I want you safe there, whether I can be with you or not. You are unlikely to find a more suitable realm, and it was always a safe haven for me."

A safe haven... Somewhere where he was appreciated, had friends and, probably, felt more in tune with the people. She knew too little of Asgard to fully compare the two realms, but from what she'd come to learn about Loki, and about Alfheim, it made sense.

"You could not wait one more day?" Eleree was standing by the foot end of the bed, looking less than pleased. "He should not be excited."

She didn't know what Eleree thought they were doing, but she felt like a schoolgirl who'd been caught doing something naughty. For a brief moment she wondered if the elf woman was going to haul her out of Loki's bed by the neck, like Vaana once had hinted she was prone to.

"I'm sorry," she stuttered, trying to untangle herself from the covers.  
"She is not _exciting_ me," Loki frowned. "It was a simple conversation, nothing more."  
Eleree lifted an eyebrow.  
"It was not your talking I was referring to."

Eleree led her back to the bed she'd been assigned while staying with Loki.  
"You need your rest as well as he does," she said quietly. "He will still be there when you wake up." Taking her by the shoulders Eleree looked her in the eye. "If you cannot sleep the healers will give you something. Now is the time to take care of yourself." After giving her cheek a brief caress the elf woman left.

She sank down on the bed.

_This is it. I will never have my old life back no matter what. This is who i am; this is what I do._

_This is what I want._


	59. Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations and concerns

Thor was sitting by Loki's bed, so she let them be alone to talk. She found Jane nearby and approached her hesitantly. They were both from Earth after all; there was common ground.

"So you're Thor's... girlfriend?"  
"And you're Loki's...?"  
"Paramour, yes." She had grown fond of that word, the feelings it ellicited in her. It felt good using it out loud.

Jane nodded. She was looking healthier than last time they'd met, but still not completely recovered from whatever was ailing her.

"Are you doing alright? I'm sorry to ask but..."  
"Oh, I'm fine," Jane hastily assured her. "They just had trouble getting it out, and had to call someone in from another realm and... it was all so tiring."  
"Getting what out?" Now she was curious.  
"The aether. I mean, it was this weird... power that got into me, and it wouldn't let anyone touch me, and Thor was so concerned. They didn't know what to do at first, but they finally got it out and contained it."  
"Oh!" She had no idea what an aether was, but "weird power" sounded like something that fit right into her present reality. She wasn't even surprised; just accepted the story as presented. Maybe this was the reason the king's verdict had been postponed; they were all busy with more urgent things. She and Loki were, after all, not going anywhere.

Thor showed up, interrupting the conversation to ask for a word with her.

She waited while he and Jane did some brief talking before walking with him to a more secluded area.  
"My mother told me that you're carrying Loki's child," he said abruptly.  
"Yes, I do." His wording sent a slight jolt through her; something about it felt... She couldn't really define it; there was a mix of emotions she had yet to sort out.  
"And you intend to go through with this? That is what Loki tells me."  
"Yes, we will. If nature allows, that is." Eleree had warned her again not to get her hopes up, with all the unknown factors that might interfere. "Are you going to hand me over to S.H.I.E.L.D.?  
"I cannot with good conscience do so, under these circumstances," Thor said gravely. "I understand you have a home on Alfheim to return to, unless you will be allowed to stay in Asgard."  
"Yes." She couldn't imagine going back there without Loki, but that might well end up happening; she had to get used to it. "I don't think they'll let me stay, even if Loki is kept here."  
"Father has yet to make his decision regarding Loki's fate. Or if he has he has yet to speak of it."  
"I see." 

Thor seemed uncomfortable, conflicted.  
"You do understand you are binding yourself to him with this choice of yours?"  
"I think that 'binding' is done already. I don't know why everyone seems to think this is a fling or a 'dalliance'. We..."  
"Our mother does not think so," Thor said, "and Loki seems... protective of you. It is rare to see him so attached, especially to a mortal. I'm only warning you to think of the consequenses; a bond forged this way is not easily broken."

Of course not. She wanted to snap at him for disrespecting her feelings and her maturity, but held back. It was different this time, like he was keeping something from her, and she couldn't begin guessing what it might be.

"I know that; what's your point?"  
Again that conflicted look on his face.  
"I only ask you to consider your options carefully, and what repercussions your choices may bring. That is all."

His words left her mystified, and she kept returning to them during the course of the day. Maybe it was just her imagination, maybe she was over-analyzing; that wouldn't be surprising with the uncertain situation she was in. Yet... she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she ought to know.

* * *

Loki was recovering quickly, way faster than a mortal would, and though she'd known about that ability it still impressed her.

_It's mine now too. If I get sick, or injured, I will recover faster than ever before._

The thought was a reassuring one. She'd always hated being sick, waiting to finally get better and function properly again. Maybe it would also make it easier to get through all the pregnancy-related ailments she'd heard about. One could always hope.

She was lying next to Loki in bed, him resting with eyes closed and a hand on her belly. He wasn't asleep, she could tell. They had moved him to what appeared to be his old rooms, but with heavily armed guards outside the door. She was allowed to stay with him, either by courtesy of queen Frigga, or because they'd figured she would just walk through the walls to be with him anyway. There was no real reason to keep them apart, so why bother?

It was comfortable like this, almost like being home in their own bed. There was a distinct feeling of _Loki_ in this room, which had been left mainly intact since he'd left it almost two years ago. It gave her some small idea what his life had been like before they'd met. Before everything.

She had caught a glimpse of a picture of him from that time, with shorter hair and a more innocent, carefree look on his face. It was only a moment captured, and didn't really reveal anything of what might be going on beyond the surface, but it told her surprisingly much.

_You have changed. Some parts of you were lost, replaced by others. You will never be the same._

_None of us will ever be the same._

She slowly ran her fingers through his hair, separated knotted strands.

_I will never know the old you._

"We will never be apart," she said softly. "Even if we can't be in the same realm... you will still be close to me."  
"I will," he agreed. "As long as you're safe, and carry this..." He touched the stone on her necklace. "... I will know your presence. You are mine; don't ever forget this."

_But it is who you are now that I want, with all your stubborn, possessive, obnoxious, haunted self. You've left an imprint in me that can never be erased. Child or no child, we are part of each other now; there is no going back._

"And you are mine; don't forget that either."


	60. Verdict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day has come, and the consequenses cannot be undone.

Loki was just back on his feet when the call came to appear before the king. He was able to walk on his own, which she was sure he appreciated; it would have been utterly humiliating to walk through the palace supported by someone else, or worse, carried. His face was unreadable, and she was, as always, impressed by Loki's ability to hide his emotions. She was pretty sure she herself looked just like the nervous, incoherent mess that she was.

The guards surrounded them on all sides, and Loki was once again wearing chains heavier than her own. Their walk through the palace seemed to take forever, yet not long enough when the golden doors to the throne room finally opened before them.

The king was quietly watching them with his one eye, a shiny spear in his hand. Thor was there, standing at the side of the room, and so was Frigga. The looks on their faces were concerned; the queen nervously rubbing her hands together.

They came to a halt before the throne and she wished she could have reached out to take Loki's hand, but neither of their chains allowed it.

_We will never be apart._

The Allfather took his time, measuring them both before speaking. Then:  
"Your crimes are sufficient enough to warrant a life spent in the dungeons," he began, "and there is rightly where you should be sent. Your recent actions, however, seem to indicate that there is still something left that can be saved of what you once were, a light in the darkness that has consumed you. We are to see if that holds true."

She stole a glance at Loki, but he looked almost bored. Only his fiddling fingers revealed the tension he must be feeling.

The king stood.  
"As it appears you are still able to care about someone beyond yourself, and it also seems the both of you will not be kept apart..." This time he gave her a piercing look. "... you will be bound together."

Loki drew an audible breath.

_What does he mean?_

"From now on the actions of one will have consequenses for the other," Odin proceeded, looking back at Loki, "... and for your unborn child, is it to be."

Loki tensed up, his fists clenching, but he didn't speak.

The king gave an order, and the guards unlocked the chains around their wrists, leaving everything else intact. Loki reached for her hands with only a moment's hesitation. There was... regret? in his eyes when she took them.

_What's going to happen?_

Odin took a step closer and held out his palm towards their locked hands. There was a strange sensation, reminiscent of magic but more palpable, swirling through her hands and up her arms till it finally faded somewhere around the chest and abdominal area. Loki's hands were cold against hers and his jaw tight.

The king lowered his hand and took a step back.  
"You will permitted to return to Alfheim and build a life there," he said sternly. "You will be watched closely. Are you once again inclined to return to your old ways, those closest to you will be suffering the consequenses along with you. It is done."

And with that they were turned away and brought back through the palace, the same way they had come.

Loki was silent. He went through his belongings, picking out items and storing them away in his magical "pocket". It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door and Thor appeared.

"Coming to see us off, brother?" Loki quipped.

"You should be aware I had no say in this," Thor answered.

"But you knew about it?"

"I merely suspected. Perhaps you should have foreseen it as well."

"It is an old custom," Loki said, "not practiced since before my time. I've only read about it, not seen it performed."

"Neither have I," Thor admitted, "but I imagine it to be quite an incentive."

Loki's face hardened.  
"Not that you will ever know. Your precious mortal will be safe enough from whatever foolishness you come up with."

"Loki..."

There was a knock on the door and a guard appeared, announcing that they were to be escorted to the Bifrost. Thor came along with them, but little was spoken. Once they arrived at the observatory they found Frigga waiting.

"Eleree and Meral have already left," she said. "I hope to be able to see you both in not too long a time." She reached up to touch her hands to Loki's face. "This could have ended much worse; you know that."

Loki tensed his jaw, but nodded.  
"I am aware."

"You have been given another chance; please... make the best of it."

The gatekeeper slid his sword into it's slot and the golden realm of Asgard was lost to their sight.


	61. Coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return and some explanation.

Home.

Their house was there like before, hidden from view until you were close enough. Not much had changed; food gone old needed to be replaced and the berry bushes in the garden had just started growing wild while they were away.

She touched the trunk of one of the trees, looking up at the almost ripe fruits that only vaguely resembled what one would see on earth.

_I thought I would come back here alone._

Loki was strengthening the wards. There was less need for them now, but he still maintained they needed to be cautious, and she respected that. Even if Asgard wasn't a threat anymore, something else might be. It was better to be safe than sorry.

She changed sheets in the bed, airing out the dust.   
"Will you explain what happened?" she asked when she heard the familar steps behind her. "What he did?"

There was no answer at first. Loki approached the bed and sat down with his back against the headboard, stretching his legs with a sigh.  
"It's a bonding ritual. Very old."

She sat down and waited for him to continue. 

"The magic only works because there is something that ties our essence together. So a pregnancy is a requirement unless you're related by blood."

_Essence... Like genes?_

"That's what Thor tried to warn me about," she thought out loud, "but he didn't want to tell me what the problem was."

"Of course not." Loki made a face.

She took one of his feet in her lap and began rubbing his toes.  
"What does it do?" she asked.

"If the magic is activated, whatever befalls me will also affect you. You will share whatever suffering is inflicted on me, including death."

It sounded too abstract to fully take in.  
"And how is it activated?"

"Odin could choose to do so, would he decide I require punishment. Technically anyone skilled enough to recognize and manipulate this form of magic could, but those are utterly few."

She continued massaging his foot, feeling like it grounded her. They were home, a little worse for wear, but safe and sound. They were still together.

"He said our child would be affected too," she said. "That sounds... unfair."

"It has nothing whatsoever to do with fairness," Loki said bitterly. "It is akin to see your loved ones tortured before your eyes, and know that you are the cause of it. Which is why it's such an effective means of control, and why it's use was diminished over the centuries. It was considered an excessively cruel punishment, affecting guilty and innocent alike."

The notion was disturbing, but it was only a worst case scenario; it didn't have to happen, she tried to tell herself.

"I almost thought we were getting forcefully married or something." It seemed silly now, but she knew virtually nothing about the customs in Asgard, and if shotgun weddings were a thing. The Aesir did seem old-fashioned in some ways, from what Loki had told her.

He smiled, then pulled her onto his lap till they were face to face.  
"Is that what you would have wanted, hmm?"

"I... uh, never thought about it," she had to admit.

He ran two long fingers seductively down her throat.  
"This goes deeper." When his fingertips reached the collar of her shirt it vanished, leaving her upper body bare. "We are connected beyond a mere marriage vow, and whatever additional bond we would tie..." He kissed her neck. "... would pale in comparison."

His mouth moved lower, caressing her chest with soft, velvety lips till it closed around a nipple which he gently circled with his tongue. She shivered from the sensation.

Now the fact that they were so deeply connected felt arousing to think about. She ran her fingers through his hair while he worked his magic on her (and sometimes she had to wonder if he didn't use his _real_ magic during love making too), and let herself be pulled along with his sensual teasing.

Loki had an ability to totally immerse himself in what he was doing, an intensity she sometimes envied him, despite realizing it's downside. The more intense you are, the more vulnerable you get. The more you feel, the more you hurt when things don't go your way. It was in realising that she'd come to understand a lot of Loki's actions and what had shaped him, turned him into the person he was.

A moan slipped through her lips, and she could feel him smiling in response. She moved her hips against him, seeking friction, and he slipped his hands down to squeeze her backside.   
"I believe the time has come," he murmured, "to consummate our new relationship."

With that he vanished the rest of their clothes and she felt his naked thighs under her own, his arousal hard against her lower belly. She ran her hands down his back, caressing lean muscle and uneven scars with equal love as her fingers trailed over his smooth, resilient skin.

Seeking her mouth he kissed her teasingly, then forcefully, before lifting her up to aim his erection at her entrance and lower her down on it, slowly and deliberately. She moaned again at the sensation of being filled up and adjusting to the intrusion. Once fully sheathed Loki grabbed her hair and pulled it back to lock her in his gaze.  
"You are mine, yes?"

"Yes, I am. You know that."

His eyes were half closed, already darkening from lust as he angled his hips and began moving against her, lifting and lowering her with one hand in rythm with his own thrusts. His other hand remained in her hair, keeping her in a secure grip she couldn't escape had she wanted to. It was divine. All the fear, the stress, the tension, from the previous days were finally being cleaned out and released in a very physical way.

_We're together, we're alive, we are free._

Loki's eyelids fluttered. She could feel him tense up and soon after he pulled her closer, pressing his mouth against her shoulder and moaning as he spent himself inside her. It triggered her own release.

Still inside her, holding her close, he whispered against her skin:  
"I will make sure you never forget this. You will be mine... till the end of time."


	62. Resilience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weaknesses and strengths of the people in the nine realms.

Vaana came by, enthusiastic about having them both back. Apparently she had already badgered Eleree with questions about their time in Asgard, but it didn't keep her from doing the same with them. Loki rolled his eyes and eventually threatened to throw her out if she didn't stop the incessant chattering. The threat had little effect.

"So what are the dungeons like?" she asked and smoothly moved away before he could get hold of her. "Is it true that they're covered in gold?"

Thinking it best to step in before Loki lost his temper for real, she pulled the elf girl into another room.  
"The dungeons are just about the only things in Asgard that _aren't_ covered in gold, trust me."

Vaana giggled, then lowered her voice:  
"Eleree told me you're pregnant."

"Eh, yes. It wasn't something we'd planned but..." She didn't know what to say, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"That is exciting!" Vaana exclaimed. "Eleree wants me to keep an eye on you."

"I know. It's just so early yet, I'm still getting used to it."

They continued into the back garden. Loki needed to sleep, still recovering, and she didn't want to disturb him more than necessary.

"How is he getting used to it?" Vaana asked.

"I'm not sure. He wants it, but it worries him, I think."

"You're part elf now; you'll be fine. Believe me; even a little goes a long way. We're one of the most resilient peoples in the nine realms."

"That's good to know."

"The Asgardians are bigger and stronger, but we're just about indestructable. When the humans tried to kill us..."

"Wait, what? We tried to kill you?!"

Vaana laughed at her alarm.  
"Mortals have such short memory. You weren't very succesful, I can assure you. Our bones don't break very easily; they're not as brittle as yours, and we heal quickly."

"We didn't exactly cover this in school," she said faintly. "To be honest, we're told that elves don't exist."

"It's probably for the best," Vaana said. "The only thing they came up with to destroy us was fire."

_Ugh!_

"Is that why you moved away?" She had to ask, wanting to explore what was her heritage now. It was part of her history as well, even if she hadn't been aware until recently.

"In part," Vaana said, elegantly swinging herself up on a tree-branch to reach for a ripe fruit. "Mostly it was because you mortals started spreading out and taking up so much space. You simply don't share well."

No, that was true. She couldn't deny it.

"We don't even share well with each other," she admitted, waiting for the elf girl to slide back to the ground, fruit in hand.

"We all have our weaknesses," Vaana shrugged. Luckily she didn't seem to hold any grudges on behalf of her people.

"I'd like to ask you something weird," she said, considering what had been on her mind ever since her time in Asgard. "I hope it's not offensive."

"Go ahead!"

"Are elves and... dark elves related? Are you connected to each other in any way?"

Vaana seemed unbothered by the question. She was savouring the fruit with obvious delight.  
"In a way, yes. We have the same ancestors, way back, but our species adapted to the light. Eleree would explain it better; it's caused by a mutation, she says."

"Oh, I see."

And of course that made her wonder if there were more biological links between the peoples in the nine realms. Humans, Asgardians and elves were all surprisingly similar in physiology to have evolved on different planets. Not to mention frost giants, since she and Loki had been able to... She didn't know how much that had to do with his Asgardian glamour, of course. "Glamours are interesting things," Eleree had once told her, hinting that not everything was known of their effects.

* * *

She had expected to find Loki asleep, but he was sitting up in the darkened room, fiddling with his hands while looking at nothing in particular.

She took a seat next to him on the bed.  
"Are you alright?"

"And why would I not be?"

"Shall I give you a list?"

He leaned back against the headboard and sighed.  
"I am as well as can be expected. I'm not sure you will be, however."

_Here we go again._

"Anything in particular you worry about?"

"You are carrying the offspring of a frost giant, something no mortal is known to have done." He gave her a look. "I'm not sure you understand the implications."

"Well..." She reached to take one of his hands in her own. "I've done a lot of things lately that mortals usually don't. And from what I hear, nobody seems to understand the implications."

He didn't answer, only pursed his lips and kept looking ahead of himself. When he finally spoke it was with a taut tone to his voice.  
"You need to be aware... that the child, will it live, may not look like I do in this form."

No, she had already realised that, but...  
"I don't know what you look like... for real," she said carefully. "You turned around so fast that one time, that I only really got a glimpse of your hands."

"And if I showed you..."

"Perhaps we should get it over with?" she suggested when he hesitated. "If we tried the same thing as last time, and you let me look..." She was curious, had been ever since the revelation, but hadn't thought it a good enough reason to ask. The concern of what their child might look like was a valid one, though. "Or can you change form at will?"

"There has been little incentive to do so," he said. "The only thing known to change it is excessive cold, like a frost giant's touch. I have not submitted myself to such since I left Asgard."

"So then..."

His featured hardened, but there was visible pain underneath.  
"What if it displays such cold while still in you? Even as part elf it wouldn't leave you unharmed. Would it not kill you, it could damage you beyond what any healer could mend."

It was an unsettling thought, and a sharp contrast to Vaana's hopefulness.

"It's not too late to change our minds," she said, "if we really don't want to take the risk right now, if we want more time first."

She hadn't really developed any feelings for the tiny lump of cells yet, but it was a part of Loki she carried, and when he was concerned she had a disturbing tendency to defy reason. She _wanted_ this, she realised, if not now at least at some point in the future.

"I'm willing to take the risk," she said, "but only if you are."

He sighed.  
"I will allow it, but I will find a way, a spell perhaps, to keep aware of what is happening inside you."

"That's good." She was still holding his hand between hers, not wanting to let go of it. She felt about as tired as Loki looked. "Want to try and get some sleep?"


	63. See me as I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the time comes to bare yourself...

Loki was busy the following days, going through the books he'd brought from his rooms in Asgard. He grumbled a lot, and occasionally threw a book against the wall and started pacing back and forth. She was somewhat used to his moods by now, and didn't make a deal out of it, just left him alone till he was ready to come out of it. One time she woke up in the middle of the night from him collapsing over her in bed, mumbling something dirty in her ear and promptly falling asleep from exhaustion.

That worried her a bit, but there was nothing she could really do about it. At least he recovered properly; the wound was healing and his energy returning to normal.

Her own energy levels seemed directly proportional to her eating habits. It took time to figure out, but so far meat seemed to be what her body did best on. She also had to stop being sloppy with her meals; skipping came back to haunt her with a vengeance.

When Loki found out he began keeping an eye on her intake as well, reminding her when he thought she had gone too long without food, or suspected she'd forgotten about the nutrient drink she was supposed to take every few days. It was annoying to have him fuss over her, but also satisfying, because it was Loki's caring side coming through, the one he so vehemently claimed not to have.

"I _am_ eating. You saw me having dinner an hour ago!"

"That is true," Loki admitted. "I also understand that mortals become sick when with child."

And where had he learned that, she wondered. Did they have Midgardian pregnancy books in Asgard?

"It's only if we lack a vitamin. I'm pretty sure it's in that drink the healers gave me; I haven't thrown up since."

"Good," he said, proceeding to slide his hands along her sides.

"What are you doing?" It didn't feel like the usual way he caressed her when in the mood.

"I am trying to sense... " He frowned and his hands lingered for a moment. "... your state."

"You know what my state is. I'm pregnant. Because of you."

Loki smiled.  
"I believe we were two about that."

"You seducing me was what started this whole thing."

"And how deliciously you resisted before submitting to me," he purred, pulling her close against his body.

"I didn't subm..." She struggled, but he didn't let up and she felt a stir of anticipation in an intimate place. Damn it; he knew her weaknesses all too well. There would be new bruises before the day was over; she was sure of it.

"Now this is better," Loki said as he held her with one arm and lightly touched her lower back with the other. "Just keep still!"

Not that she had much choice.

"What _are_ you doing?" she persisted.

"Sensing your condition. It seems satisfying for the time being."

Well, that was good.

"Have you figured out how to keep an eye on things inside?"

"Not much beyond the healing magic I normally use to assess one's state of health. Issues of pregnancy is not something I have seen reason to study previously."

No, she imagined that, being a man and all.

"You don't have other kids, do you? I mean our myths claim you do, but you've never mentioned it, so I figured..."

"Your myths are not an accurate representation of reality," he said, sounding somewhat annoyed. "Do not believe such nonsense!"

"I don't know; they can be pretty entertaining."

"I have no children as far as I'm aware," he said, still caressing her back with a pleasantly cool hand.

_"As far as I'm aware..."_

_Nope, don't go there. I don't want to know._

"Loki..."

"Mm-hmm?"

"Will you show me your real form?"

He tensed. It was barely noticable, but she sensed it because they were so close.

"We should get it over with," she said. "I can see how it's eating away at you."

"We should," he agreed, but didn't sound convinced.

* * *

With hesitation he sat opposed to her on the bed, like they had the time his glamour had dropped by accident. She took his hands and closed her eyes, searching through memory for the feeling that had triggered it last time. A faint pulse of magic through her hands told her Loki had begun doing his part. She concentrated on it, letting it flow freely at first, then summoned her portal energy to bend it. A jolt, not unlike an electric current, ran through her arms and spred out through her fingers. She held on and opened her eyes.

Loki's hands were blue. Literally blue in contrast to her own. Her gaze wandered to where his wrists disappeared into his sleeves and further up.  
His face was closed, hardened. She'd seen that expression before. What she'd never seen was the odd markings on his face. If the blue color was foreign, the markings were even more so. They seemed to be natural, not inflicted, and most prominent was the circular one on his brow.

And his eyes were red.

That unsettled her, but she took care not to show it. Too many stories of red eyes being a sign of evil, she figured, and immediately wondered if such stories ultimately originated from encounters with frost giants. Loki had told her they once had tried to conquer Earth...

"Loki..." she said, not receiving an answer, but he did look at her. "Is it like this... all over?" 

He vanished his clothes, leaving everything open to her gaze. There was an almost defiant feel to the act, especially paired with his facial expression. She noticed that he avoided looking down at himself.

She wanted to say something reassuring, but there was nothing that would have helped. Most likely he would lash out in response, so she had the sense to keep quiet.

The markings were everywhere, even on his manhood, which made her tempted to reach out and touch it to see what they felt like, but she restrained herself. This was not the time.

Instead she traced one of the lines on his arm.

"Your blood is blue, isn't it?" she asked, noticing how his skin was significantly colder in this form.

"Frost giants have blue blood, yes." His voice was curt, tense, and she once again wished that she could have said something to soothe him.

"And these markings..."

"They all have them, though they darken over time."

"You said they could burn..."

"That I will not demonstrate," he cut off. "They can also grow ice from their hands, to use as weapons if they so desire."

"Can you do that too?" She didn't mean to ask too much, but curiousity was taking over.

A small piece of ice formed in the palm of his hand.

"Probably, if I practiced enough. I imagine it's easier in a climate such as Jotunheim's, which is significantly colder in temperature."

Yes, that made sense.

The blue was starting to fade; his face was slowly shifting back to its usual color.

"Thank you for showing me," she said, somewhat disappointed that she didn't get to look longer. "It can't have been easy for you."

"I've endured worse."

"You look like you need to throw up," she commented after another look at his face.

"I will do no such thing!" He took a deep breath and moistened his lips. "I take it you've seen enough."

She glanced down at his hands, where the last of the foreign color was fading.

"For now, yeah. If you ever want to show me again, I'm fine with it."

He watched her with narrowing eyes, but didn't say anything.

"This may be what our child will look like," he switched subject. "You may want to prepare yourself, would you still want to go through with it."

There was a challenge in his tone. Like she would back out now... It would send a clear enough message, that she was rejecting _him_ , rejecting what he was.

"I won't change my mind," she said.


	64. Shifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a change in perspective can be surprisingly rewarding.

Loki was lying behind her that night, holding her close as always while drifting off to sleep. She had always enjoyed that particular habit of his; it was soothing and comfortable, an assurance that he _wanted_ her close, which she hadn't always felt in her previous attempts at relationships. 

Loki liked physical contact. In fact he revelled in it. He probably wouldn't admit it in front of anyone else, but the way he cradled her in bed spoke for itself.

Feeling him like this made her think of his other form. Her mind couldn't fully comprehend how he could be different under the glamour, different from what her senses perceived. He felt real like this; no markings could be detected on his skin, no matter how she tried to feel them where they should be. His temperature was the same as always, cool, but not overly so.

She couldn't wrap her head around it.

Loki sighed behind her, sounding content. He'd seemed more at ease after the demonstration was over; not completely relaxed, but more so than before. Supposedly her reaction hadn't been as bad as he had feared. 

It didn't bother her that he looked so alien. He was still the same person; nothing had really changed. She just needed to come to terms with the reality she knew shifting into something else.

There had been a lot of that during the last year.

* * *

"I promise I won't put it where you're already sensitive. Will you just trust me?"

Loki was sitting half-dressed on the bed, refusing to lie down, and watching her with badly hidden apprehension. She had expected him to be resistant to the idea, but not quite this much. It was a wonder she'd been able to talk him into it at all.

"I know you hate to not be in control," she said and began applying the powder to his upper body.

"I will manage," he said.

"I thought you said you've done this before?"

"I have," he admitted, but not with someone else applying it."

_Oh..._

So that was the problem.

"Maybe I should tie you up while I'm at it," she suggested. "Then tease you mercilessly."

"You will not." Loki seemed positively unamused at the idea.

She stopped for a moment.  
"You know I love you. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you or... make you uncomfortable or anything."

Loki rolled his eyes.  
"I cannot believe you think me worried over such things. Now continue!"

"Not if you're not going to enjoy yourself!"

"Very well, I am enjoying myself; now will you _please_ continue!" He glared at her, looking anything but enjoying the situation.

This was ridiculous. But also somewhat funny. She wasn't sure Loki didn't have a little submissive streak deep down, but he would rather die than admit it. The only reason he had agreed to this was that it could be seen as him being served, and so still be in the controlling position.

Pride. She swore she had never met anyone so stubborn and full of it.

"This is almost healed," she commented as she ran a finger over the mark on his chest.

"It is," he agreed, looking down. "There will most likely be a scar, however, considering the depth."

"I don't mind," she said, continuing the caressing of his chest with two more fingers. "Aren't scars a way for the body to protect itself? To make sure it can't be harmed in the same place again?"

"In a sense, yes." He took a deeper breath, but she wasn't yet sure if he was affected by the powder or if it was just coincidence. She was beginning to feel somewhat excited herself.

"I do not expect to be stabbed in the same spot a second time, though," Loki said with a grin. His eyes were intense, darker than before. 

"I didn't expect to fall in love with you," she said, continuing her caress over his abdomen and down to the dark hairs that made up his happy trail where a few wayward powder particles glistened. "I thought I could just sleep with you and be fine. At least that's what I told myself."

Loki moistened his lips.  
"I admit I did not anticipate your devotion becoming quite so... intense. Not that it displeased me."

She placed both hands on his abdomen and moved them upwards in gently massaging movements. Some of the powder would be absorbed into her palms, as she could feel the light tingling sensation in them.

"I've always had this weird feeling like I belong with you," she admitted, feeling embarrassed the moment the words left her lips. "I don't know how to explain it better."

Damn, this powder _did_ loosen inhibitions, despite what Loki claimed. Maybe it was a side effect she only experienced due to being mortal?

Was that why her heart was aflutter? She'd seen and touched his body plenty of times; yet this felt like she was the one on the receiving end of her ministrations.

"You do belong with me," Loki said, without blinking. His eyes were very dark now, the green in them barely visible. He was taking a shivering breath as she leaned forward to touch her mouth to his chest. "I don't believe as some do, that the Norns decide our fates; they would have a most cruel sense of humour if such were the case. I do know, however, that you were mine from the moment I layed eyes on you."

She kissed his nipples, caressing them with her lips and tongue. Her hands kept stroking his smooth skin, varying the pressure, running her nails over his ribs to make him shiver in pleasure.

Loki pulled away, but only to lean back against the bed and pull her with him. He emitted a deep sigh as her body made contact with his, her full weight on him.  
"Yes... This is where you belong. Now and for all time."

She struggled to get free and continue her ministrations.  
"Damn it... Do you have to get poetic right when I'm trying to seduce you?"

Loki chuckled and cupped her backside, giving it a squeeze.  
"You are doing really well, darling. Just continue from here."

"I can't reach."

"Use your body."

She did as suggested, rubbing herself against him slowly and sensually. He rested his hands on her hips while letting his head fall back and closing his eyes. His face was an image of pure bliss, indulging in sensations.

"Yes... just like that."

The remainder of his clothes vanished and so did hers.

His manhood was poking at her thigh, though he seemed in no hurry to get it involved. It reminded her of what she'd seen when he'd shown her his other form, and she felt a shiver through her core. She shouldn't be turned on by that. This was love-making, not some sort of weird... jotun-fetish. He would be apalled if he knew.

But she couldn't quite shake the thought. To be taken by him in that form... It gave her all kinds of exciting, indecent feelings.

She moved downwards, over his abdomen, his thighs, alternating between using her body and her mouth to caress him all over. His breath was shallow as she took his rock-hard erection between her lips, running her tongue over the the smooth head, finding the sensitive spot underneath.

Loki hissed between his teeth.

She wondered how long he would remain passive. Judging by his reactions, not for long.

She ended up straddling him, lowering herself onto his cock. He gripped her hips but let her decide the pace, watching her intently as she moved, pushing up to meet her. He bit his lip, digging his fingers into her flesh as the rythm became more erratic. 

It was beautiful to see him come apart like this. 

She leaned forward, placing her hands on his chest. Holding her still he thrusted upwards, chasing his release with half-closed eyes. A groan escaped his lips as he tensed against her and let go, an expression of intense, almost painful pleasure on his face.

She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his.  
"Now I believe you're enjoying yourself," she said.


	65. Tricks and Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teasing, lessons, and intimacy: life goes on.

"Loki, did you put elf powder in my clothes?"

"I don't know of what you speak." Loki seemed absorbed in his book, not looking up.

"Hell, you don't! I had an appointment with Eleree; you knew that!"

"And? Did it go well?"

"She looked at me funny! Asked if I was alright. What was I supposed to tell her?"

Loki smiled, his eyes still on the page he was reading.  
"You could have told her the pregnancy was making you... flustered."

"You fucking b..."

Loki grabbed her arm and pulled her into his lap.  
"Now, now, watch your mouth or I might not be able to help you with your predicament."

"I can get myself off."

"But you will not." With an arm around her, he locked both her wrists in one hand. His other hand went in under her clothes, to a place all the friction against her sensitive skin had eventually affected. "I will not allow such self-indulgence without my specific instruction."

His fingers curled inside her, pressing against a certain sensitive spot.  
"You crave me," he murmured against her ear. "You know I can give you what no one else can, not even yourself."

"Shut up!"

"Such fire... Being flustered suits you."

She made half an effort to get out of his grip but failed.  
"You're just getting even for what I said yesterday, about tying up and teasing you."

"Is that what you think?" he purred while kissing her neck. "Perhaps you're right." He made her pants vanish, leaving her bare skin exposed to the leathers he was wearing. "Or perhaps I just wanted you like this, all starved and unable to resist me."

"Next time... I swear... I will empty the whole jar over your dick."

Loki laughed.  
"I believe you would. Now come undone for me."

* * *

Loki had always been frequent in his attentions, but it was like her being pregnant had intensified it. She was genuinely grateful for her increased resilience, or she wouldn't have been able to walk some days. He often brought it up during passionate moments, murmuring about how he'd keep her pregnant from now on, having her bear his children over and over, and if she hadn't known how reluctant he really was about the whole thing she would have thought him serious. Clearly, he had a pregnancy kink none of them had known about before.

As for herself, she really didn't notice much of a change beyond the increased appetite. No morning sickness (she still assumed the Asgardian nutrition drink took care of that), and no adverse effects to carrying the offspring of a Jotun. It made her more relaxed about the whole thing. Maybe their worries had been for nothing.

* * *

Meral showed up one day, sporting a black eye, and told them he'd found out who had betrayed them to Asgard. It turned out to be an elf working at Eleree's lab who'd caught a glimpse of Loki and had thought it a good thing to report his whereabouts.

"And you considered it wise to fight them?" Loki asked, raising a disapproving eyebrow.

"I lost my temper," Meral said, a hint of defiance in his voice.

"I thought I had taught you to think before acting like a fool."

"He betrayed you! Both of you."

"And it could have been dealt with in ways that didn't involve getting yourself struck like an unruly peasant."

Meral crossed his arms, looking somewhat like a sulking child. Not impressed, Loki took him aside for a talk which next time she checked on them had turned into a magic lesson. It was a fascinating sight. As awkward as Meral could be, there was no hint of insecurity when he focused on Loki's directions, weaving his magic in ways she could only dream of.

_They've had centuries to learn this, to perfect it._

Maybe with time... but she doubted she'd ever be able to manipulate the magic with the ease she saw Loki and Meral do. She may not even have enough of said magic to begin with.

"Feeling like a parent already?" she asked after the elf left.

Loki rolled his eyes.  
"He has much potential; he merely needs to stop striving to be something he is not."

"He has a crush on you," she noted.

"Yes, yes, I am aware." Loki closed the door and went to pour a glass of wine. He settled in a chair, spreading his long legs, and took a sip from the glass, relaxing.

She stood behind him, letting her fingers slide through his dark hair and twisting a couple of curls into a narrow braid.  
"Eleree told me Meral was there when his father died," she said. "Is that why he's so obsessed with magic?"

"In part. He has a natural talent for it, though he tends to falter when feeling self-conscious."

"He did really well when you... when you were stabbed." The memory made something twist inside her still.

"So did you, from what I have been told."

"I just opened a portal."

"You did more." He caught her hand and touched his lips to her fingers. "I have not told you this, but there was something tugging at me, not letting me go. It was very persistent."

She froze, forgetting what she was doing.  
"Are you serious?"

"I believe it was you."

He wasn't looking at her during his confession, only held on to her fingers, stroking them with his thumb while taking another sip of wine.  
"When I came to," he continued, "I knew you were close before I saw you."

"We weren't even bound by then."

"Indeed."

When he let go of her hand she resumed the braiding, enjoying the soft, silky feel of his hair against her fingers.   
"I thought you were going to die," she admitted, saying the words out loud for the first time. "I just didn't want it to happen when I wasn't there."

"Hmm..." He put the glass down and closed his eyes. "So you would not have me perish alone; I am touched."

"I know you are."

She wondered what the others would think, the people she'd left behind, if they saw her now. If they would understand at all what was going on between her and Loki. She doubted it.

_"I want your support, your devotion. I want you to be that which I seek when I grow tired of being alone."_

No, they wouldn't understand, but it didn't matter.


	66. Concerns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit brings on some truths.

A couple of months into the pregnancy Queen Frigga arrived. She showed up at their home together with Eleree, who had a serious look on her face. Something had rattled her usually collected demeanor, and it didn't take long to find out what it was.

"Vaana will be here soon," the elf woman stated once the greetings were over. "There are things we need to discuss."

That didn't sound good.

"Is there anything wrong?" she asked, a hand instinctively going to her abdomen that was just barely starting to show.

"Not for now," Eleree said, her eyes following the movement, "but I have been informed of something that could have considerable impact on your condition."  
The elf woman glanced at Loki who stood in quiet conversation with Frigga.

_She knows._

"What do you mean?" she said warily, not wanting to be the one broaching the subject.

"This child, is it to be, will be part Jotun; will it not?" Eleree's voice was low and serious, a mixture of compassion and concern. Whatever she felt about frost giants; her demeanor revealed none of it.

"Yes." There was no sense in denying it; Frigga had clearly relayed the information for good reason and Vaana would have to know as well, now the earliest part of the pregnancy was over. She only hoped the elves wouldn't have the same bias against frost giants that Asgard had. They cared about Loki, that wouldn't change because they found out what he was, would it?

A look at Loki's tense face told her he didn't share her hope.

"It needs to be addressed," Eleree said, "considering the biological differences and you still being mostly mortal. I would have adviced against it but..."

"We didn't plan for it to happen," she said, feeling an irrational need to defend herself, to defend Loki.

"So I am aware. What is done is done, however, so we will have to watch the development closely."

Vaana arrived and was quickly informed of the matter at hand. Her eyes went wide and she looked at Loki who turned away, his jaw tight.  
"Is this true? Aren't they blue?"

"Usually, yes," Eleree answered in a dry tone.

A door slammed. Loki had left.

Frigga sighed and rubbed her hands.  
"Perhaps it is best to let him be for now, give him some time."

"I can't believe I kissed a frost giant," Vaana said, something resembling awe in her voice.

"Vaana!" Eleree reprimanded loudly.

Frigga raised an eyebrow.  
"You kissed my son?"

"I... It was a long time ago. Centuries. And he didn't mind."

For a moment Frigga looked like she was trying hard to hide a smile.  
"I understand. Now, I would like to talk to our mother-to-be, if I may?"

* * *

Once alone, Frigga asked her to take a seat, then placed a hand on her belly. A faint green glow surrounded it.  
"You don't need to hold your breath, dear."

She breathed out, somewhat embarrassed, but thought it best to wait with speaking until the queen removed her hand.  
"May I ask you a question, your Majesty?"

"You may, and please call me Frigga! You _are_ carrying my grandchild; it would be odd to hold on to formalities under these circumstances, don't you think?"

"Yes... Thank you." It was a relief to get some guidelines; she had never learned how to act around royalty. "I wonder what you could tell me about frost giants. Loki won't tell me much."

"It is a difficult subject for him," Frigga said ruefully. "We didn't handle it very well, I'm afraid. He should have learned the truth from the beginning, not having it discovered by accident."

"I understand that they are old enemies of Asgard and that there was a war, but it doesn't explain why he resents them so much. He talks about them as if... they're monsters or something."

"Those are children's tales," Frigga said, "but not far from how many in Asgard view them. You see, they are very different from us. Loki has... a glamour of sorts, as I'm sure you are aware, so he does not look like them."

"Yes, he showed me a while back. They're blue, and... apparently a lot bigger."

"Indeed, Loki never grew to their full size. We believe that to be why he was abandoned; deemed too small to survive in their world. They are known to leave malformed children to die, as cruel as it sounds."

"He doesn't look malformed," she slipped out, bothered by the wording.

"To our eyes, no. There are stories of Jotun children being able to shapeshift as an instinct of survival, but we don't know how much truth there is to such tales. It could explain why he took on an Aesir's form when my husband found him. Or he may not be fully Jotun, we may never know."

That was a thought she hadn't considered before. She wondered if Loki had.

"So why are they seen as monsters? It can't be differences alone?"

Frigga looked thoughtful, like she was searching for the right words.  
"You must understand that with long lives come long memories. Many of the Aesir who fought in the war, and who lost loved ones, still remember it vividly. There were some... gruesome events, as often happen in wars, and the frost giants were guilty of most of them. They don't believe in mercy, for prisoners or otherwise."

That made sense, she thought. War crimes stirred up strong emotions and if the generation who experienced them lived on long enough, passing on their pain and hatred to others for centuries...

"There is a common belief that frost giants are little more than savages," Frigga continued, "and incapable of much beyond cruelty and basic urges, but we both know that not to be true. They are, however, a passionate people, and Loki has that passion in abundance. Whatever he feels, he feels it strongly."

"Yes, I've noticed."

Frigga smiled.  
"Of course you have. He may not be open with his feelings, but you can't be as close to him as you are without taking notice."

"He's worried," she said, "about the pregnancy."

"As he should be." Frigga's face took on a look of concern. "This is unprecedented. I don't wish to frighten you, but no mortal woman is known to have carried a Jotun child to term and we can only speculate what issues such a pregnancy will bring. You should be watched very closely as the birth draws near, for your sake as well as your child's."

"Did you feel anything? I saw you using magic."

"For now, everything is well," Frigga said. "It can change quickly, however, so I don't want you to hesitate in asking for help if something feels wrong, no matter how small the problem may seem. Don't be afraid to be an inconvenience."


End file.
